Musings of a librarian

On the move

2006-10-14T20:28:00.000+01:00

Ok, I am going to stop being indecisive and move to WordPress. I feel disloyal [to a blog! - Help, I really do have an over-developed sense of responsibility], but I can't have two blogs on the go at the same time, and WordPress won, despite some trouble with images, which I hope will sort itself out.

So, from now on I'll be posting under the guise of Bookmouse. Please come and visit me in my new home!

If you have a link to me, don't worry about changing it (unless you'd rather). Hopefully people can find their way from here to the new blog ok.

My latest post

2006-10-14T18:07:00.000+01:00

Which concerns photos and dogs, can be viewed somewhere else. Sorry for flitting, I just happened to be there testing things out, so I thought I'd write something there.

Recipe: Pink Curry

2006-10-11T12:03:00.000+01:00

Ingredients

1 chicken breast per person
1 red pepper
Curry powder
Chili and garlic sauce
Garlic (fresh or sauce)
Sliced courgette
1 small carton of coconut milk
75g of rice per person
Cooking oil

Method

Measure out rice and put in saucepan
Boil enough water in a kettle to cover the rice. When boiled add to the rice in the saucepan.
Set the rice on the hob at the lowest heat and leave to cook. Keep checking it so that it doesn't stick to the pan - make sure there is plenty of water in the pan.
Heat oil in pan. Chop chicken into pieces and fry in oil.
Slice and add courgettes and pepper. Fry with chicken in pan.
Add curry powder to taste and stir in to chicken mix.
Add garlic sauce and chili sauce to taste. Stir, and simmer for a few minutes.
Add the carton of coconut milk and leave to cook on a low heat for about 10-15 minutes, or until the chicken is cooked through.
Check rice to see if it is cooked.
When chicken and rice are ready, drain rice and serve with the curry.
Eat!

Meanwhile, in other electronic and unimportant lands

2006-10-10T21:49:00.000+01:00

Meanwhile, in TV-land, Ruth has left Spooks. I was quite disappointed by this, in a not very important, it's only TV kind of way. She was my favourite spook, for several reasons - she's wasn't blond, she wasn't pretty (although she was beautiful), and she was a bit crazy. Harry made a good choice.

Meanwhile, in blog-land, I'm thinking of moving to WordPress. Many blogging acquaintances use this, so I thought I would investigate. I've set up a little test blog there and it seems more user-friendly than Blogger. Stuff that's only in beta here is standard there, plus it has stuff that isn't even in beta Blogger. Oops I hope Blogger don't wipe my blog now I've said bad things about it. I do still like you! Anyway, I'm staying here for now, as I can't transfer stuff from here to there until the beta becomes alpha, or whatever the techie term is. I guess I could just start a continuation blog...I might do that, but I don't like change. It's a bit like getting my hair cut. I like the thought of it, but I never quite get around to doing it, and I might just be going through a phase. I'll try it (WordPress, not hair cutting) out a bit more first and see...

Taking criticism

2006-10-10T20:38:00.000+01:00

Taking inspiration from the Singing Librarian's post on taking a compliment, I have decided to write one about taking criticism. Like him I am also not particularly adept at taking compliments, but my ineptitude in this area pales into insignificance when compared to my complete inability to take criticism well.

I have several stock reactions to criticism:

Blame someone or something other than myself
Defensiveness
Self-pity (usually a bit later, when the critic has gone)
Over-reaction (I did this wrong, therefore I must do everything wrong)
More over-reaction (why is it always me who gets it wrong)
Comparison of self to others (why are they always right/perfect etc)

It's not a particularly life-enhancing list, is it?

An additional problem is that often, the person I see as being critical and thinking badly of me probably isn't doing so at all. In reality they were probably just giving me some advice, or reminding me of something. Even if they are telling me I've done something wrong, nine times out of ten they'll be nice about it, but I can still react badly.

Like the Singing Librarian and his reaction to compliments, my reaction to critcism can worsen the situation, especially if I am defensive and snappy towards the person who I see as criticising me. Then I will feel even worse, because I've added a nice little emotion called guilt into the equation, as well as potentially being offensive/hurtful towards another person.

So, what is my problem? Most people don't like being criticised, but some deal with it better than others. Some people can think, 'oh, ok, so I did that wrong, but that's ok, now I'll try to rectify the situation and it's good that I know what I did wrong, I am happy and at peace with the world and myself' (or something like that). I have been pondering (for a few years) on why I don't like criticism and can never seem to react very positively to it. The reason is quite similar to the reason I find it difficult to take compliments, and is the root of many of my social problems - the dreaded low self esteem/insecurity/lack of confidence thing.

Or maybe I'm just grumpy.

Blogging for history

2006-10-10T12:09:00.000+01:00

I thought you (anyone who's reading this) might be interested in the 1 Day in History day on October 17th. The History Matters campaign want as many people as possible to record their experiences of the day, which was chosen as it's not a 'special' day, for a mass blog to be archived at the British Library. You can read the Daily Telegraph article about it if you like, or visit the History Matters website for more information.

Comments

2006-10-10T12:04:00.000+01:00

I'm feeling a bit braver today, so I've enabled comments again.

A very bad poem about stock management, with apologies to real poets

2006-10-06T12:03:00.000+01:00

Oh books, in cardboard boxes,
What hopes must you have had?
What dreams may you have dreamed
That now will never come to pass?

Of influencing minds of men
And changing history
Of scholarship and pleasure
That never now shall be

Your lonely lives have run their course
And no more will you live
No one will learn the secret things
That you were born to give

But, yet, yet, hope may shine for you
In the gloom of library land
For if you catch librarians’ eyes
You may yet withstand

The onslaught that is policy
Stock management for you and me
And books, which in their hundreds lay
Untouched on shelves until today,

Are now to be destroyed, alas
Are now to be destroyed.

The other side of The X-Factor

2006-10-01T19:54:00.000+01:00

This might be a post, that, like the one about Elizabethtown, had more of a point when it was in my head that when it made it to the computer. Anyway...

I watched The X-Factor last night. It was round two, I believe, known as "Boot Camp" and people were getting thrown out quite regularly until each group was down to the final eight acts. This purging of contestants made me think a bit more about those who didn't make it to the next round. Unlike most of the contestants on "Maria", the people who enter The X-Factor competition aren't middle class graduates. A lot of the contestants, particularly those in the 25 (years old) and over category seemed to be people who had already had a hard time in life and wanted to win The X-Factor to make a better lives for themselves and their families.

One contestant particularly stood out for me. She wasn't the best singer, but it was what she said rather than how she sang that really made me think. She said that if she didn't get through [to the next round] she would become "just another statistic". She was in the competition with the aim of providing a better life for her children. She talked about the house they always looked at and dreamt about buying one day. Unfortunately, she didn't get through. It made me sad to think that she only saw herself as a statistic, and didn't seem to recognise her worth as a person, and an intelligent and articulate person at that. I hope that she can find some other way out of her situation, and that she will one day have a better life for herself and her children.

Other people in the 25 and over category included a Scottish lady who saw The X-Factor as her last chance to get out of the factory job she has been working in for about 20 years. She was quite emotional because she said that she didn't feel that she deserved to have got so far thought the competition. Happily, she got through to the final eight, and her reaction was great! I hope she has the confidence in herself to perform well enough to go on through the next rounds.

I do realise that the footage is edited, and that the producers can make people appear any way they want them to, if they want to draw people into watching the show. Even so, it made me think a bit more deeply than I expected to, which can only be a good thing, in my opinion (even if on 'paper' my thoughts haven't come out quite as clearly as I would have liked).

Elizabethtown

2006-10-01T18:36:00.000+01:00

The story is quite simple: guy who thinks he's made a mess of his life finds some hope and love and learns to love life and realise what's important.

It didn't do very well when it was released and may not even have reached your local cinema. Many people said it wasn't very good, but I really like it. I can see why people might not have embraced it wholeheartedly - it's quite slow and a bit cheesey at times, and Kirsten Dunst can be a bit annoying. You might not like it if you are of a particularly cynical disposition. Having said that, I have been accused of cynicism many times, and it may be one of my favourite films. For me it achieves what I think is it's goal - it's a life affirming film that leaves you feeling better at the end of the film than you did when you sat down to watch it. Great soundtrack as well.

Disclaimer: I take no responsibility if you watch the film after reading this post and hate it!

The students return

2006-09-30T10:35:00.000+01:00

A colleague said to me yesterday, "You've been looking more and more stressed all week", which wasn't very reassuring, but didn't really surprise me. Nothing particuarly stressful happened this week, I think it was just a lot busier than previous weeks. It was one of those weeks where I had a list of things to do, and did some of them, but the last few things never got done because either something beyond my control stopped me from completing the task or something (or many things) cropped up and I never got round to finishing the thing I started doing. [Whoops that was a bit of a long sentence!] I realise this doesn't say much for my time management skills, which are something I should work on.

We were without a printer in our office for half the week, due to me thinking we had a spare cartridge ready and waiting, but this turned out to be an old cartridge wrapped up in a box. Oops. Totally my fault and very annoying, because we then had to walk halfway round the library (well, nearly) to collect our printing. Still, at least we could print to somewhere.

I had some appraiser training yesterday, which was helpful, but domintated by an academic member of staff who kept bringing round the discussion to suit his agenda. On the one hand, this was an interesting insight into the working practices and attitudes of academics, but on the other it was a waste of time when we were already trying to fit in six hours of training into a two hour session, and I was really anxious to learn what to do, as I've never appraised anyone before.

I have my own appraisal sometime next week (?), with our line manager who doesn't like doing appraisals and apparantly doesn't follow the proper procedure - despite being quite pedantic about following proper procedure to the point of annoyance at most other times. So, I'm not sure how much use my appraisal will be, but I'll fill the forms in and take them to him anyway, whether or not he wants to use them.

On a more enjoyable note, the office was alive with the sound of music this week - even more so than usual, I thought. We also had some ad hoc 'entertainment' from the garden outside, when a few students were gathered for an impromptu guitar/singing session. This varied in terms of levels of annoyance depending on what type of music was being played. I was quite irritated at first, but then mellowed when he changed from rock to folk and stopped yelling so much. My librarian tendencies were urging me to go outside and tell him to shut up, but I resisted.

Writing of unwelcome musical accompaniment (the student, not my colleagues), the most maddening thing about travelling on the train at the moment (even more so than the overcrowding, which is increasingly bad and getting to dangerous levels) is people who play their mp3 players/mobile phone out loud, so that we are all subjected to their taste in (mostly awful) 'music'. I don't know how can people be so inconsiderate. I have asked some lads to turn their music off before, and they asked, "Why?". Maybe that says it all.

I do feel like dancing (maybe): What's playing today at Lilian's house

2006-09-24T14:49:00.000+01:00

I'm totally addicted to the Scissor Sisters' single "I don't feel like dancing". It's the catchiest thing I've heard in a long time and I've been playing it on repeat all afternoon, much to Mr C's annoyance, I suspect. One of my favourite things about it is that it has the words "old Joanna" (as in piano, I assume) in it. That doesn't happen very often in a pop song. It also has little laser beam shooty synthesiser sounds in it, which are quite endearing. If someone played it at a party I might even consider getting up and dancing, which, if you know me, should indicate to you how catchy and dance-making it is. Anyway, you've probably heard it for yourselves, so I'll stop wittering on. [I know the picture isn't of the right album, but I like this artwork better].

Alas, my music player has gone kaputt, and is going to be replaced, so I have been music-less on the train for the past few days. I have no idea what happened to it, but it just suddenly stopped working for no reason that I could fathom, and none of the suggested trouble shooting methods worked. Actually it's so kaputt that it wouldn't even restore the settings. I suspect it is built in obsolesence, which is rather annoying, because I've had it less than a year. At least they are going to replace it, but the point is that it shouldn't need to be replaced yet! Never mind.

Also playing chez Lilian this afternoon is Seth Lakeman, who, in total contrast to the Scissor Sisters, is a folk man from Devon. I don't know much about him, apart from the fact that he was in the same class as at school as someone I know, and he sings folk/folk rock/acoustic rock (is this an oxymoron?) songs. I like folk, and he seems like a decent sort of chap, so I bought his album. I'm quite glad I did, as it's an enjoyable delve into English folk music. It's not too 'folky' though, so it would be a good introduction to folk music for someone who isn't sure whether folk is quite their thing.

I always find folk music strangely comforting. I think it's because of the traditional nature of the songs and the fact that some of them have been sung for hundreds of years without much change. I'm quite glad about the folk music revival of recent years, because I think it's really important that we in the UK don't lose touch with our musical roots. English people in particular have a hard time finding something firm to cling on to traditions/language/music/roots-wise (in my opinion, maybe I'm wrong), but there is a whole load of traditional music out there for the listening. I know it's not to everyone's taste, but it is interesting, and I think it's important that people realise what a rich heritage we have, music wise.

Here endeth the lesson.

Next up we have hits from Tommy Dorsey and His Orchestra, which are from Swing! The Ultimate Big Band Album, which is one of those compilations where you get about 40 tracks for £5.00. Big band music is the reason I learnt to play the bass guitar. In reality, I never made it to playing in a big band, but I did manage a concert orchestra, where we did occasionally play big band numbers (as well as endless film soundtrack music), so all was not lost, and it made me seem less geeky. Ok, maybe I just hoped it did. Anyway, I had some fun times with my bass, (as well as some not so fun ones involving lugging a large bass amplifier up and down stairs)despite possibly being the world's worst bass player. Anyway, Tommy Dorsey was a trombone player and band leader, and did a lot of collaborations with Frank Sinatra, that's about all I know about him, apart from the fact that he had a brother called Jimmy, who was also a band leader. The Tommy Dorsey Orchestra still exists to this day, but is now conducted by Buddy Morrow.

I'm not quite sure what the point of this post was, but it took me rather a long time to write, for some reason, so I'll keep it for your reading pleasure.

How do you solve a problem like Maria?

2006-09-17T14:59:00.000+01:00

Well, it was finally the final of How do you solve a problem like Maria? last night. In case you didn't know, Connie won, and deservedly so, I think. As she said herself, she was consistent all the way through the competition. She really drew me in to her performances, and made me feel the most emotional, especially last night, when she sang As long as he needs me, a song she doesn't like, apparently! She seems to have the stamina and professionalism to play the role. Also, I think she wanted it the most out of all the would-be Marias. She had been auditioning for West End shows for a long time, and always coming second, so it was nice to think that she will now achieve her dream and not have to go back to tele-sales!

I thought Helena was great as well, though. Her performance of Do-Re-Mi was brilliant. Siobhan has a lovely sweet voice and she is very beautiful, but I think the panel were right in saying that maybe she wasn't yet ready for such a big role.

I thoroughly enjoyed watching all the 'episodes' that I watched, although I did take issue with some of the things they made the girls do. They seemed to have to sing a lot of non-musical theatre songs, which seemed a bit silly given that they were in competition for a role in a musical theatre production and not auditioning for Pop Idol. They also had to do an assault course one week, which I thought was particularly stupid. It was ostensibly to test their stamina, but completing an assault course in the fastest time doesn't mean that you're going to be able to perform in a musical eight times a week, as that involves a different kind of stamina. I was also a bit worried that the public wouldn't make the right choice. I think ALW took a massive risk when he decided to find 'Maria' using this method, but he certainly got his show a lot of publicity, and I think and hope that Connie will be able to pull off the role.

For those who may be interested

2006-09-15T22:09:00.000+01:00

Thank you to those of you who have posted or emailed supportive, helpful and friendly things following the posting of the horrible comment. I thought some of you might like to know what happened next in the saga of going to the doctor, so here is a summary:

I went to the doctor's again and showed her the letter I'd written. She said she didn't know what to advise because I have so many abnormalities, which wasn't very encouraging! I'm going to contact my cardiologist and also follow some leads of my own to try and find out more information. At the moment though, Mr C and I are erring on the side of caution and thinking that the best plan might be to take the safest and most sensible option and not try to have children naturally. If we did decide we wanted to start a family later we would adopt, assuming we would be considered suitable adoptive parents.

Why are [some] people so horrible?

2006-09-12T17:36:00.000+01:00

Following a particularly unpleasant comment posted on here last night/earlier today I have decided not to allow any more comments on this blog. I apologise to the nice people who have left comments in the past, but I don't want anything remotely resembling a repeat of what was posted here last night. I did consider deleting the blog, but have decided to continue for the time being, although I don't really feel like writing anything (except this short explanation) at the moment.

I may be being oversensitive, but these things get to me.

Recipe: Pork (or Chicken) with marmalade and stuff

2006-09-03T18:25:00.000+01:00

This is one of Mr C's recipes. Again, I'm not sure how healthy this one is, but it tastes nice.

Ingredients:

1 pork steak or one chicken breast per person (fresh or frozen)
1 large onion
Some marmalade
Enough cheese to put on top of the pork/chicken
Vegetable oil

Method:

Pre-heat the oven to 200 degrees
Put a small amount of vegetable oil in the bottom of a baking dish, so that the bottom of the dish is covered
Place the chicken/pork in the dish
Chop the onion and scatter over the pork/chicken
Put about half a tablespoon full of marmalade on each piece of meat
Put a thin slice of cheese on each piece of meat
Bake in the oven according to the instructions for cooking found on the meat packets
Check meat is cooked before serving
Serve with potatoes and/or fresh vegetable

Recipe: Fish Finger Korma

2006-09-02T20:14:00.000+01:00

This is a recipe I made up in my student days. It has since become famous, appearing in the Choir Cookbook, and other people have even cooked it!

Ingredients:

As much rice as you want per person
2 fish fingers per person
1 carton of coconut milk*
Korma powder*
1 medium onion*
1 green pepper*
Other veg of your choice*
A bit of margarine or cooking oil

* All of these ingredients can be replaced by a jar of korma sauce, if you're feeling lazy.

Method:

Pre-heat oven to 180 degrees (or whatever it says on the fish fingers packet)
When oven is ready put in fish fingers, as per instructions
Boil water for rice in kettle
Put rice in saucepan and add boiling water
When rice has boiled turn right down to the lowest heat and leave to cook
When fish fingers are ready take them out of oven and turn oven off
Fry onion in oil/marge until transparent
Chop the fish fingers into four pieces and add to pan. Stir
Add vegetables to pan and stir
Add korma powder to taste. Stir
Add coconut milk and stir
Leave to simmer until rice is cooked or for a minumum of 10 minutes, stirring occassionally
When sauce and rice are cooked serve and eat

Steps 7-11 can be replaced with the adding of the jar of korma sauce.

The fish fingers can be replaced with tinned tuna, which should be drained of liquid before it is added.

Recipe: Pretend Pizza(s)

2006-09-02T18:51:00.000+01:00

I just invented this recipe this afternoon, and I thought I would share it with you.

Ingredients:

As many rounds/slices (depending on what you call them) of bread as you feel hungry enough to eat
Tomato or brown sauce
Cooked chicken or ham (if you are a carnivore)
Vegetables of your choice (excluding carrots, which don't work well oven baked)
Fruit of your choice
1 spring onion, or one quarter of one medium onion
Cheese
Garlic (if you like it)
Worcestershire sauce (if you happen to have any)

Method:

Pre-heat oven to 180 degrees (sorry I don't know the equivalent gas mark)
Spread bread with tomato/brown sauce as thick as you like
If you are eating meat, tear up the chicken or ham and place on the bread
Chop onion, garlic (if you're using this) and veg and place on the bread
Slice cheese and place slices on top of the bread
Add a dash of Worcestershire sauce, if you have it
Place pretend pizzas in oven for 10 minutes, or until you smell burning
Take pretend pizzas out of oven
Turn off oven
Eat pretend pizzas

It's a nice easy thing to make if you're not in a cooking/making much effort mood. I'm not sure how healthy it is, but if you use plenty of veg and brown bread it might not be too bad.

A post that, despite its length, doesn't say much

2006-09-02T13:12:00.000+01:00

Today, I was supposed to go into the city in which I work, and do several things, such as return library books, get my bag mended and take some unwanted books to the Oxfam (or similar) shop. However, I have not gone. There are a few reasons for this, shown here in no particular order:

It's raining
I go there every day to work
It's a 45 minute train journey
I am too lazy
I know that if I go I'll do what I have to do and then mooch about aimlessly and possibly buy an item of clothing that I'll never wear

I will do the things I have to do in my lunch hour one day this week. Actually, in reality, I probably won't. The bag that needs to be mended has been loitering in the office for weeks, waiting for me to take it to the repair place. The books (or at least one of them) have been languishing in my desk drawer, also at work, waiting to be returned to the library.

I have just finished, and hence want to return to the library, Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell. It took a while to get into, and I wasn't sure I was going to make it to the end of its 900 or so pages, but it was worth the effort, and I enjoyed it.

Mr C has gone to London to see a friend and go to a wargames shop, which might be detrimental to his bank account.

I keep dreaming about the Library of Doom: even in my sleep I cannot escape. I wasn't feeling too bad about work this week, mainly because I wasn't there very much, had more important things to think about, plus Enemy Number One was away this week. Actually her absence wasn't entirely a good thing, as something has gone wrong with the Inter-Library Loan reports and, due to the distribution of power (or lack of it) in the Library of Doom, she is the only person who can potentially sort this out. I felt very sorry for the Singing Librarian this week, as, due to the ILL problem, he spent two days re-doing work he had already done.

Anyway, as I said, I wasn't feeling too bad about work, that was until Friday night, on the train home would you believe, when I was talking to two colleagues, and of course, we 'had' to talk about work, and the dreaded permissions came up in the conversation. I am having an ongoing 'guilt' phase regarding my part in the reduction of permissions on the issue desk computers. I won't go into the whys and wherefores of why the permissions have been reduced because they're boring. In fact, this whole paragraph is boring, but I will plough on until I get to the point...

Which is that this issue is a good example of me being weak and also not thinking things through. Both of these failings are common in my life, in fact they probably occur on a daily basis. Every [working] day I do something that makes me think that I'm rubbish at my job. It doesn't have to be anything very big or very wrong, just something.

Then I think, 'why do I worry so much about my job?'. It's not life and death, I work in a library, for goodness' sake! But it's my job, and I want to do it well, and I especially don't want my failings to make everyone else's lives difficult. It does make me a bit cross, though, that it makes me feel bad. This morning I woke up thinking about work, and, as I said, I even dreamt about it last night. This is not on! I don't want to waste my time away from work thinking and worrying about it. Surely my brain could find something better to do?

I have been thinking recently about my future career, and about what I really want to do. Starting the chartership process has helped me a bit with this, as I'm supposed to be setting goals and then planning how I'm going to achieve them. Of course, the problem is that I'm not really sure what I want. I'm not particularly enjoying work at the moment, and term hasn't even started yet! But I think this is due to too much worrying. I don't know whether I want to work as a Reader Services person forever - the complaining students/staff get very irritating/depressing after a [short] while. I said to Mr C last night that if I didn't like the people I work with so much I would probably not want to do my current job. Hopefully I will feel better soon.

So, maybe I could be an academic librarian/faculty liason librarian. This was my original plan after my trainee year, and it's still something I would still like to try. It does involve budgets, which involve numbers, but hopefully I could get some training in this. Well, I will see. Sometimes I think I might like to be something other than I librarian, but I'm not sure what that is, apart from bestelling author, academic, jazz singing sensation, teacher, prime minister, ballerina, doctor, or songwriter. Only one (maybe two) of these is actually achievable within the realms of reality, however.

Reality = I will stay where I am until it becomes financially unviable/I get sacked/Michael Buble (sorry I can't do the accent on the e) asks me to be his singing partner.

I just visited the Lipstick Librarian (I was searching for other blogging librarians) and it seems I cannot be a Lipstick Librarian, as I am currently wearing an item of clothing with a duck on it. Two ducks, in fact. Perhaps I wouldn't want to be one anyway.

I apologise for the length and whingy nature of this post.

M.O.T.

2006-08-31T21:58:00.000+01:00

Today I went for what is affectionately known as my MOT, otherwise known as my annual visit to the heart outpatients clinic. I don't think that's the real name of the clinic but never mind. It is held at Harefield Hospital, in Middlesex, and I've been going there for more years than I can remember (literally).

Getting there is a bit of an epic journey, involving a train into London, going all the way across London and out the other side to the far end of the Metropolitan line on the Underground, and then a bus from Uxbridge station to the hospital. One of my favourite parts of the day is the lovely view from the bus on the way to the hospital, across some lovely green fields and a very nice looking lake/reservoir.

For once, we got there really early, so we had some food in the canteen bit, and saw the same ladies we see every year serving the food. The canteen at Harefield was built in 1974, and I have visited every year since about 1980. It's remained the same all that time. I think even the ladies are the same ones. They are what I call 'WI' ladies, and are very lovely and make excellent sandwiches and tea. Bizarre fact: you can buy a postcard of the canteen from the canteen. I have done this.

I had my ECG (electrocardiogram) and Echo (ultrasound). For anyone who wants to know and doesn't (if there is anyone), the ECG is the one where they stick lots of wires to your chest, ankles and wrists using sticky pads and then get a reading of your heart rate, beats per minute, 'pattern' and other things I'm not quite sure of. If you know please tell me - I meant to ask but forgot. This is the thing, after 20+ years of having these same tests I still don't know exactly what they do!

The Echo is basically an ultrasound similar to the ones you might have seen pregnant ladies having. The technician can see 'inside' the heart - the way the valves are moving and the blood is flowing through the heart. When you're having it done you can see your heart on screen, which is quite interesting, although obviously I wasn't sure which bit was which, but the opening and closing of the valves is quite easy to make out. I had a trainee technician for this at first, but as I'm an awkward customer and my heart isn't easy to see, she had to call in another lady, who is another person I've seen for years and knows what a problem patient I am. She recognised me, which was nice. It's quite comforting to see familiar faces each time I go.

Today was my first meeting with my new doctor, after having the same one for 25 years. Happily my new doctor seems very good, and friendly and approachable as well, which is always a bonus. She was more thorough than my old doctor, maybe partly because it was my first appointment with her and she needed to find out the status quo. She tried to take my pulse, but couldn't find it (noone else can either), and measured my oxygen levels by putting one of those things on my finger. I was interested to find out that this is what those things are for (sorry if you have no idea what I mean - they have them in Holby City (yes, apologies, I do watch this)). Apparently I have oxygen levels of 98%, which is good. She asked me quite a lot of questions about how I was feeling (ok), whether I was feeling more tired now than previously (a bit) and what exercise I do (not much). She also asked if I had any questions, which I appreciated, as not all doctors take the trouble to do this.

I asked her about timescales of having the valve replaced/repaired if we decide not to/can't have children. Basically it depends on whether I feel like I'm 'deteriorating', health wise - whether I'm becoming increasingly tired or unable to do as much as I used to, etc. This is something I'll have to monitor and let her know, even if it's only a slight change. It's quite hard to measure this though. Recently I've noticed that I feel tired/out of breath more easily, but I don't know whether this is (a) because I'm older and more aware of things (b) because I'm older (!) (c) because I'm just more unfit generally than I used to be or (d) an effect of the leaky valve.

The main factor though is still the 'children issue'. If we can physically have children we would then need to decide when (or if) we want to have them*, and then the valve would have to be repaired, and then we would start trying to have them. As you can tell, the timescale for all this could be rather long, and, cliche though it may be, I'm not getting any younger.

*You could argue that we should have discussed and know this already. However, we've found this difficult to do because we don't know whether we can have any. I hope that makes sense.

I also asked the doctor about the wire(s) (see a previous post). She said that they could remove them but obviously this would involve surgery, which it's better to avoid if possible. Although they're quite uncomfortable at times I don't really fancy any more surgery than is absolutely necessary, so I suppose I'll just have to put up with them.

I apologise if some bits of this post contain too much information! I know I find my medical history interesting, but I do appreciate that not everyone else will feel the same.

Watching people

2006-08-30T21:02:00.000+01:00

Today, I was a bit strange. Ok, hold the comments! I was walking from work to the station, and I heard a sort of shouty whining very nearby. It turned out to be a teenage girl arguing with her mother. I then had a choice of whether to walk one way or the other, and I chose to follow the arguing people because I wanted to see what happened. The daughter refused to walk any further, walked away from her mum and plonked herself down on a bench. Mother kept on walking. I was a bit disturbed by my choice, as it does suggest that I am (a) nosey and (b) just a bit weird. Or maybe I'm just interested in people and the way they behave. I think, though, that this is just an excuse for me being nosey. Oh well.

I did worry about the girl and how she was going to get home, and how far away from home she might be, and whether the mother was worried or whether she was so angry she wasn't thinking and how far was she going to get before she stopped or turned to go back to her daughter. I did follow the mother for a bit, but then I was too early for the train (I'd left early to get the earlier train but by the time I actually got out of work I'd lost some time, then I was rushing, then I was tired, so I ended up mooching around Next and Boots to kill some time. I dread to think how many hours of my life I've wasted killing time while 'waiting' for trains) so I branched off and went on a very slightly longer route to the station.

I do like watching people. I use to get told off for staring a lot when I was younger. I probably still do it now. I must perfect my librarian stare, though.

On the way to the station

2006-08-25T18:59:00.000+01:00

Today, I got the 5.15pm train. I never usually get this train, because it involves walking quite fast from work to the station, and I don't like walking quite fast because it can have a bad effect on the old ticker. I was persuaded to go for the earlier train by two of my colleagues, and I was glad I did really because I got home at 6pm, instead of 6.40pm (if I get the earlier train on any day other than Friday) or 7.05pm if I get my usual, later train. However, we did walk quite fast, and although one of my colleagues said "that wasn't a brisk walk" it was brisk enough to make me feel nauseous due to being out of breath. I felt the need to tell them I felt ill (not sure why, maybe to warn them I might have to stop), then I had to explain to one colleague about my dodgy heart, and so colleague one wanted to know why having a dodgy heart should lead to feeling sick. I realised I did not know the answer, but I thought it was due to lack of oxygen. I will now attempt to find out.

Mr C says it's some sort of defence mechanism: to prevent you from harming yourself by further exertion your body forces you to stop. Not knowing whether Mr C was right or not, I had a look on the web, and the only site I could find with an explanation was one about mountain biking! It was quite helpful. Apparently (according to the writer of the site) the nausea is the body's reaction to severe physiologic stress. It's the same type of nausea that you may feel if you injure yourself. That makes sense to me. I suppose Mr C was partly right - your body isn't liking what's happening to it, so it reacts, and does force you to stop, if the physiological stress gets so bad you have to stop and throw up. Sorry, this isn't a particularly pleasant thing to blog about!

I have my annual MOT next week. I dreamt about it the other night, which was unusual for me. I do dream a lot, but not usually about medical things. It was a classic anxiety dream - I was at my appointment with my consultant, but it wasn't my usual consultant, and she was foreign and I couldn't understand what she was saying. Then I was getting lost in hospital corridors and realising that Mr C wasn't there when he'd said he would come with me, and I was emerging from a tunnel out onto a corridor and thinking 'this is where Professor Yacoub met Princess Diana' and then I woke up. The strange wanderings of a (n assistant) Librarian's mind.

I think I'm more concerned about it this time because I have to ask the consultant about having the valve repaired, and timescales relating to this. Also I have had some trouble with wires which were left in my chest after my heart surgery - I think they were used to join the sternum back together. They lay low for 26 years, but last year I felt something pricking the inside of my chest (sorry, it's a bit hard to explain). It's more uncomfortable in certain positions, and doesn't do it all the time (which is just as well). It's quite a weird feeling, and can be quite painful. I mentioned it to the consultant last year, not knowing what it was (although I suspected), and she said she knew exactly what it was. She said that there was no need to do anything about them, as they weren't making a particular nuisance of themselves, but since last year there have been times when they have been painful and at the moment I can't lie in certain positions because they poke me, and it's not very nice. I don't know whether anything can be done, and I suspect that anything that could be done would involve surgery, and I don't think I want that. I expect I'll just have to put up with them/it. It's quite strange that it only happens some of the time - normally for a few days to a few weeks at a time. I've tried to work out what could cause them to poke sometimes and not others, but I haven't discovered anything yet. If anyone else out there has experienced this I'd be interested to hear about it.

Well, that's enough medical stuff for one night. Mr C is waiting to watch some more LOTR documentaries, so I'll go and join him.

Houses

2006-08-25T12:33:00.000+01:00

Ahh well, the long weekend begins tonight. I'm not sure what we're going to do, but it might involve me trapsing round banks and building societies making appointments with mortgage advisors, which, I'm sure you'll agree, doesn't sound entirely thrilling. We're going to speak to mortgage people to see what we can borrow, but all the signs are that we could only get about half a terraced house in the dodgy part of town, due to our low salaries. The theory is that at least if we're told this by an expert we will know where we stand, rather than relying on my dubious calculations on various banks' websites.

People keep telling us we're wasting our money renting, but I think it's unrealistic to think we can afford to get a mortgage on our salaries. Most of our friends have finally realised that this is the case since I have been doing the test things on websites, but they think we should go to speak to some advisors, just so we do know what the situation is. People have suggested things like shared ownership and part-buy, part-rent (?), which might be better, but it depends how these things work. I have absolutely no idea what all the different types of mortgage mean, which is another reason we should go and speak to a mortgage advisor, I suppose.

We live in a very expensive part of the country, which doesn't help. If we lived in the North we would be able to buy something I think, but down here in the Saath it is not so realistic a plan.

At the moment, I'm not too bothered about buying something, although it would be nice to be able to do our own thing in the house decoration-wise, and have pets, children (if appropriate) and be able to plant stuff in the garden. The house we have is nice, and in a nice-ish area near to the railway station. I don't think we would be able to get anything near as nice or convenient for the amount we could afford to borrow.

I do worry slightly about what will happen if we never earn much more than we earn now, but need to have our own house, e.g. if we have children. (This isn't even on the horizon yet, but I'm good at worrying about non-existent things!) Even if we reach the top of our pay brackets I'm not sure we would be able to afford anything nice in the area we live in.

I suppose the answer is either to move to another area or move jobs. The difficulty is that Mr C's job is his ideal job, which is very specialised, and I wouldn't want him to have to leave it. Although I like my job I can see that one day I will have to leave in order to earn enough to continue living the extravagant lifestyle to which I have become accustomed. There is more scope for me to find a new job, because there are libraries everywhere, but the thought of applying doesn't fill me with pleasure. I almost always get an interview, and almost always fail it. Anyway, that can be left for later 'discussion' in another post, perhaps.

However, there is urgent need for us to buy a house and/or move jobs at the moment, I'm just thinking out...loud? (What is the writing equivalent of that?). I think a lot of this is triggered by other people's expectations of what we should be doing. Just because they've been fortunate enough to be able to afford to buy their houses they think we should be doing the same, and don't see that it's not actually a realistic option for us. I think they find it hard to believe how little we earn! This does make me quite cross.

I hope all this doesn't sound like all I think about it money, but I do take issue with the low salaries that people in the library profession are paid. As far as I know, I earn more than the rest of the people in my team, and I do wonder how they manage if I am struggling to save. Six years after graduating I'm still earning below the average graduate starting salary, which I believe is £18,000 (?). My job asks for a professional qualification, by the way. I know, I know, I shouldn't apply for jobs if they don't pay enough, but I'm in it for the love [and the fact that this was the only job I got offered in 18 months of trying escape my last, horrible, job*], not the money (although the pay is better than my last job!).

*I, as I have said before, do like my job (most of the time), which is an added bonus. I'm not sure whether I should have shared that part about it being the only job I was offered. Oh well, too late now. There was also the fact that it was in vaguely the right location to be able to carry on my relationship with Mr C and everyone I met at the interview was very friendly. I wouldn't have taken it had I thought I wasn't going to enjoy it and like the people I would be working with.

Generally, if you're going to be a librarian, don't expect to get paid enough. Well, I suppose I do get paid enough, just not as much as I would like. But I can live comfortably enough with what I earn so really I shouldn't be complaining. Having said that, library professionals are badly paid compared to other professions, and I think it is something that has to change, especially if we want to encourage new people into the profession. Maybe this is another discussion I should leave for another post...

Filming Tolkien

2006-08-24T20:34:00.000+01:00

For the past few weeks we've been watching the extended DVD editions of the Lord of the Rings films. I really loved the films when I first saw them at the cinema, although I know some people weren't too happy about changes that were made to the storyline and other things when compared to the books. I'd read the books before I saw the films, but I couldn't remember them in great detail, so I wasn't too bothered by any changes. Avid Tolkien fans like my mum and Mr C were more upset by the changes. My mum was particularly peturbed by the fact that they didn't put 'The Scouring of the Shire' in, because she thinks that this part of the book makes an important point - that evil can happen in your own 'back yard'.

Mum has been a Tolkien fan since she first read The Hobbit as a teenager. She even thought about going on Mastermind and having Tolkien as her special subject! This isn't really relevant to the post, but we have a book at home called Father Christmas Letters, which is a book of letters from Father Christmas, written by Tolkien to his son. I really loved this book as a child. I must have a look at it again when I next visit my parents.

Anyway, we've watched all the extended films now, but I'm still working my way through the extra features about the making of the films. Sometimes watching the 'makings of...' things can take some of the enjoyment away from watching the films, because then you know that the special effects are just that. However, with these films seeing how they shot and made everything has added to my enjoyment of the films as films, because of the amazing detail that was gone into, and the skills that were employed in creating everything. I felt a bit bad when I first saw how much detail was put into the weapons, for example, because I hadn't noticed it when I watched the films, and someone had gone to so much trouble to create it. Next time I watch the films I'll make extra effort to look for all the details.

The documentaries do explain a bit about why they changed certain scenes, dialogue etc, and also tell you a bit about Tolkien and his worldview, which is quite interesting. I'm not sure whether he would have liked everything about the films- he seems like he was quite a 'stickler' and might not have liked some of the changes that were made. Hopefully he would be impressed that someone actually managed to 'film the books', though, as he is (apparently) on record as saying he thought they were un-filmable. I'm not sure if that is the word he used or if it is indeed a word at all!

Procrastination

2006-08-20T21:36:00.000+01:00

Well, here I am again. It's Monday lunchtime. I'm half on lunch and half being a desk back-up person and I'm in the office. During my lunch hour I've done the following:

Eaten my sandwiches and a chocolate bar.
Booked my driving test. (After trying several times online and being forced to give up due to the computer not being able to cope with the fact that I've changed my name.)
At a colleague's request, looked at a cheque without a cheque guarantee card number on the back, and then put it back in the till anyway.
Sorted the post.

I'm trying to avoid (re)writing my Personal Development Plan for my chartership programme. I have already written it once, but Mrs Mentor says it's too detailed and full of irrelevant things. Even though I know she's right I just can't face writing the wretched thing for a second time. I went a bit too much to town on the last one, and put in everything I could possibly think of to do to develop myself professionally, and it was 11 pages long, so I do see Mrs Mentor's point. It's just fiddly and annoying to have to go through it all again and pick out what to leave in, what to change, add etc, especially as I'm having a sort of 'not bothered' period regarding chartership at the moment. Very Bad Librarian, I know.

Lacking in motivation.

Perhaps I'll just sit down tonight and do it in one fell swoop.

It just thundered very loudly.

Three days later...I have now re-written it.

Six months

2006-08-18T12:03:00.000+01:00

Today it is six months since Mr C and I got married. Therefore, it seems an appropriate time to reflect on marriage and relationships, with reference to my own experiences. I know six months isn't very long, but it has been an important six months in terms of new experiences and emotions, and in terms of learning how to live with another person without driving them mad (although I'm not sure I have actually achieved this yet!).

I had never been an attachment of any sort before I started going out with (yucky term) Mr C, and I remember being quite scared of being in a committed relationship. I do sympathise with men who get scared about this sort of thing (but only to a certain extent). I suppose some of the fear came from selfishness, because, if I was going to do it properly and be a good other half, I was going to have to think about another person all the time. Not in the sense of being daydreamy about them, but in the practical sense of planning how I would spend my time etc. After being single for 24 years this takes some adjusting to. The other part of the fear came from the little voice in my head that was saying 'what if it all goes wrong? What if we fall out and we can't be friends anymore? What if I don't like being in a relationship?' and probably other things that I can't remember anymore.

As neither of us had been out with anyone before, we weren't actually sure what we were supposed to do! Going out with someone is a bit of a strange concept anyway, in my opinion. You could argue (as some people, especially Christians, do) that there's no point in going out with someone unless you intend to marry them. I'm not sure about this, mainly because I don't think it's realistic to expect people to know whether they want to marry someone without having been in a deeper relationship with them than as 'just' friends. I know you can have deep relationships with friends, but there is a line, and once you cross it you're not really 'just' friends. This is sort of what happened with me and Mr C. We crossed the line of feelings, and once we realised this (it took a while!) we weren't 'just' friends anymore. We were now...going out...

I felt too old be a girlfriend, but I hate the term 'partner'. Girlfriend just makes me think of being at school and annoying couples in the playground. Our relationship was much the same as our friendship really - we are still friends first, before any of the more complicated emotional stuff, and that's the way I like it. I hope Mr C likes it this way as well. Being shy and retiring types, we didn't tell lots of people about our change in 'status' but most of our friends who were around at the time had guessed anyway!

It took a long time for us to cross the line to 'going out', and it, understandably, it took longer to cross the line to 'engagement'. Being Christians, and with many of our friends already married, we faced a lot of pressure to get engaged quite soon after people found out we were a couple (of what?). I went through stages of being happy and sure we would get married, and then thinking that being in a relationship was too hard and wanting to escape. Having been used to my own company and way of doing things, and being a control freak in a relationship with someone who is nearly the complete opposite of me in many ways, this feeling of wanting to escape occured quite a lot, right up until we got married.*

In his own words: "Mr C had a fear of marriage and commitment. In fact he still does, but it's too late for him to back out now. He is mine. Actually he seems to be perversely enjoying it. Perhaps I have miscalculated [he says]. Marriage is great because you can indulge in silliness in front of each other and the other person can't get rid of you."

Seriously, though, we both found the concept of marriage extremely scary. Even though we knew it was the right thing to do, and, after much discussion and thought decided to get engaged, the idea of spending the rest of our lives together was still rather disturbing. I realise that this probably sounds like we didn't love each other enough or something, but this was not the case. It was more that we were, and are, both aware of our own weaknesses and recognise that those weaknesses could be detrimental to a marriage. I think it's more natural to be slightly afraid of being with one person for the rest of your life. It's the same with any sort of commitment - you are bound to worry whether you are making the right decision or not. I don't think that marriage is magically immune from this kind of worry, despite what fairy-tales and Hollywood would have us believe.

Actually, that was part of the problem for us, or for Mr C, at least, when we were considering each stage in our relationship. Being an optimist, he expected that when he fell in love and got married all would be Hollywood-style perfect, and if it wasn't there was something wrong and maybe we shouldn't go to the next stage. I've always been more of a pessimist!

I've always found being in a relationship quite difficult. This is not due to any fault on the part of my husband, I just don't think I'm a person who naturally shares their emotions, and I have all my weird ways and moods that he has to contend with. We are quite different in personality and don't share many of the same interests, but somehow (often to my surprise!) it works. It's probably just as well that we're so different - I don't think I could put up with another me! I am almost constantly amazed at Mr C's tolerance and patience, as I've mentioned on this blog before.

*Actually, if I'm having a bad day it still does occur occasionally. It's not really that I want to escape now, but sometimes I just don't feel able to be in a relationship and worry that my bad personality traits are going to mess everything up.

In summary: relationships aren't easy, but can lead to much happiness.

Sorry it was such a long post. Congratulations if you got to the end!

Beta Blogger

2006-08-16T20:47:00.000+01:00

Sounds like beta blockers...

Anyway, since I found the cunning way to do categories, Beta Blogger has arrived, which gives one the ability to make categories with ease! Hooray! There are quite a few nice features, such as the ability to make posts private or for selected readers and to change the colours and font on your blog without having to do the html, and you can change the layout of your blog by dragging and dropping items. I think some (if not all) of these things have been available on other blog providers for a while, so I'm glad that Blogger has now caught up a bit.

The only thing is that I won't be practising html quite so much now. Still, I have my web authoring training to look forward to...

Singing

2006-08-16T11:12:00.000+01:00

As I've said before, I love singing. I've done a lot of it over the years, in various choirs and things, but I'm not actually sure whether or not I'm any good at it.

I can pick up a tune easily enough, and I don't have much trouble learning parts and harmonies. I just don't know if the quality of my voice is any good, and I suspect it isn't. Being able to pick up harmonies and learn stuff isn't the same as being a good singer (although it helps).

I've heard myself on record before and I didn't really like what I heard, so I don't like listening to any recordings of me singing (there are a couple!). Somehow I always sound better in my head compared to the way I sound to other people. A colleague, who is a good singer, sings a lot in the office, which is a delight. I, despite my love of singing, do not normally sing in the office in case I make a horrible noise.

I think confidence is one of my main weaknesses (in general life as well as singing), as is my reduced breathing capacity. Weirdly, I can breathe perfectly well enough to play the flute, but not to sing. I suppose it's a different type of breathing. I know I don't sing very loudly, possibly due to my rubbish breathing technique, and I'm not very good at projecting my voice, unlike the aforementioned colleague, who is an excellent person to have around if you need someone to shout at the students to be quiet.

Because I love singing so much I dread that one day someone will turn round to me and say, 'you can't actually sing, you know' (or whatever) and then I'll be very sad. I suppose I live under this illusion of my own talent, so I'd rather not be disillusioned. I don't think I'm very good at many things, although I can do a lot of things passably well, but singing is one thing I've always thought I'm good at. I suppose I'm like those poor people on Pop Idol or similar who go in to the audition thinking they're the next Eva Cassidy*, and then Simon Cowell laughs in their face and says 'I don't mean to be rude but,...'

*I should just clarify, I don't think I'm that good. I just think I can hold a tune and do you a decent harmony should you require one. If I do my fake opera voice though... Kiri you should look out... ( =

I suppose if I love singing anyway I shouldn't really mind whether other people think I'm any good or not. But I do, I really badly want to be really good at something I love doing, and I want other to people to think I'm good at it, too. I guess I just have an ego that wants to be stroked, but I can't be a shy and retiring librarian all the time, can I?

Noise

2006-08-15T13:21:00.000+01:00

Today I was doing some training for new Issue Desk staff and my colleagues in the adjoining office were so noisy that I had to shut the door. I'm not sure what they were doing, but they were louder than usual - or maybe I just noticed it more because I was trying to explain things to someone.

Now I'm on my lunch break and being annoyed by children outside my window making lots of noise. Gosh, I am beginning to sound like a cantankerous, miserable old librarian. Oh, hang on... Scrap the old, though (for now).

I am having an annoyed day for some reason. I think it may be because I had a meeting with the Sharks this morning. Such meetings, I feel, are always predestined to be irritating due to (a) the subject matter, and (b) who attends them. Having said that, today's meeting wasn't too bad, and we did (potentially) get a new shelver out of it, so I can't really complain. I just approach the meetings with a feeling of dread because most of the time I don't win, and I end up having to go back to other library staff and tell them that this or that permission has been taken away, or they're going to have more work to do, or something else that's not very good.

Yesterday, I had a meeting with a senior member of staff. I waited for five minutes, and then ten minutes, and then I went back to my office. At 35 minutes past the hour I telephoned her. I think she had forgotten, but she did say we could meet then (wow, such generosity) and we did sort out the issue in question.

I feel like there are not enough hours in the day, and not enough days in this week to fit everything into. But I'm sure it will be ok in the end.

Whenever I sing Can't help lovin' that man in my head, I always get the words the wrong way round and end up with swimming birds and flying fish.

Education, education, education: A rant

2006-08-13T17:36:00.000+01:00

This weekend my one of my friends came to stay. We stayed up until 3am (at least that's when I went to bed, friend and Mr C stayed up for another hour) talking about many things including, politics, religion, forgiveness, people's rules for life, Islam, Jewishness, racist policies in Malaysia, overseas students in England, the university admissions system and many other things, but mainly about education.

Friend is a teacher. She works in a middle-of-the-road school. It's not a fantastically good school, but it's not a failing or particularly 'challenged' school either. In a way, the fact that her school isn't classed as failing is one of the most worrying things about what she says. I won't go into details, but the behaviour of students is appalling at all levels, the behaviour of staff isn't much better and the whole place is a big mess where very little actual education takes place. There is no respect for teachers from students, parents, other members of staff, management or the general public. There is no sense that the students are there to make some effort to learn, they are just there to be told things and spoon fed facts and theories until they can regurgitate them onto an exam paper. Most of a lesson consists of 'crowd control' and very little actual teaching. Even given that friend is prone to whinging about things, it sounds awful.

Whenever I have these conversations with friend I do try not to get upset, but inevitably the seeming hopelessness of the situation gets to me. I wouldn't be so concerned if I thought hers was an isolated case, but I know it's not. I see large numbers of school children on the train every day and I have never had the misfortune to be surrounded by so many selfish, ill-mannered, rude, and ignorant individuals. They just don't care - they don't care that they're ignorant, they don't care that they're rude and they don't care about other people.

The education system is failing thousands of children every year. As a nation, our literacy and numeracy levels are low - employers say they can't find people to employ because school leavers don't have the necessary skills for the working world. The liberal attitudes which started to influence education (and society in general) in the late 1960s and 1970s have created a society where the boundaries of acceptable behaviour are so wide that they're hardly recognised and even when they are people don't seem to care. Teachers can't discipline students for fear of retribution from parents, the government or the students themselves. The entertainment media portrays countless examples of nasty, selfish, rude and slobblish behaviour, but you can count the examples of honour, kindness and compassion on your fingers. Moral behaviour is seen as a weakness, and any kind of authority is reacted to with a mixture of suspicion and mockery.

Government policies have hampered teachers for years. The increase in beauracracy and emphasis on results and league tables hasn't improved anything for teachers or students.

I'm not claiming to know much about this, I just wanted to have a rant and air my views, but here are my (completely unworkable and impractical) solutions to the situation:

All subjects taught in schools should be setted according to ability.
No one under 16 should have a mobile phone.
All schools should have a strict uniform.
No swearing should be allowed on TV or radio. It is actually possible to write comedy without it.
No more Big Brother.
No one under 16 should be allowed to have a computer or a TV in their room.
Students should only be examined at 16 and 18.
League tables should be abolished.

I did warn you this was a rant. Please don't write in and have a go at me. I'm a shy and retiring librarian and I might not be able to take it.

P.S. I do realise that not all children and young people are horrible.

New things

2006-08-06T16:51:00.000+01:00

At the moment, inspired by The Singing Librarian, I'm trying out new things on my blog. To this end, I have set up a test blog, so that if something goes horribly wrong I won't make a big mess where it matters. I think Blogger is slightly limited in the things you can do, e.g. you can't put posts into categories [or tag them], unless you use a 'hack' thought up by someone else. So this is what I intend to do, and I'm currently testing one way of doing it on the test blog. It's not working so far, but I live in hope! It sounds very cunning and I can see how it should work in theory, but we will see...

Later...

Well, it works on this blog, although not on the test one, which I think is to do with the age of posts. There are drawbacks in that, because it works using Blogger search, if you click on a category you get every post that even mentions the category title. This can be solved though, by putting a distinctive 'tag' on a post, e.g., changing music to -music- (or something) when it's specifically there as a tag (and also changing the category title to -music-) I will do this at some point. Anyway thanks to danchong for his clever idea.

Even later...

Well, I tried my cunning plan (see above) and it hasn't worked. I still get every post mentioning music. I will try other things when I've not been sitting at the computer for such a long time. Meanwhile, if you click on a category don't expect your results to be completely accurate. Sorry!
Having said that, it works ok for some things, e.g. 'GUCH', because it's quite specific. 'Books', however, doesn't necessarily turn up results about books, but it might turn up a post about shelving where books are mentioned.

The dilemmas of a blogger

2006-08-06T13:18:00.000+01:00

I'm not sure whether I'm an anomaly amongst bloggers, but I feel a bit uncomfortable about people I know reading my blog. It's just disturbing to think that e.g. my colleagues could read all my inane ramblings and then I have to see them the next day at work after they have read about my fears of lying horizontally, for example.

Being read by fellow bloggers is not so disturbing, in a way, because fair's fair, I read their stuff and I think that, rightly, they should be subjected to my musings in return. [This is not entirely serious, I hasten to add - I enjoy reading other people's blogs very much]. Seriously though, somehow it is less worrying, maybe because...

[I must break off to tell you that there's a really odd version of 'Somewhere' from West Side Story on the radio at the moment. Very odd arrangement. Sounds like Barbara Streisand]

....I don't reallyknow why, but I think it is to do with them writing as well, and therefore, I assume, perhaps not being so judgmental about what other people write, knowing how it is to feel vulnerable about having their....

[It wasn't Barbara Streisand, it was Barbara Walsh, and it was supposed to be funny, apparently]

...work read and potentially judged by other people.

I suppose you could argue that I shouldn't write things I don't want people I know to read, but there are few people I know who read blogs. Also, having said all of the above this is going to sound weird, but the better I know someone the less worried I am that they'll judge me. So, for example, Mr C can read to his heart's content and I don't mind, but work colleagues I don't know very well* are more of a worry**. The exceptions to this 'rule' are parents and other relatives, whose judgement I still worry about, and who, it could be argued may not know me as well as they think.

As for people I don't know at all, I really don't mind what they think of me, so they can read as much as they like and (a), I probably won't know about it, and (b) I won't care.

If only I could draw a diagram I'm sure it would all become clearer.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Work colleagues I arguably don't know very well but who blog are less of a worry, because, rightly or wrongly, I feel like I know them better from reading their blogs, and they also come under the category of fellow bloggers (see above).

**No offence is intended by this statement.

A particularly funny Unshelved comic strip

2006-08-06T13:13:00.000+01:00

I loved this one (although I'm not quite sure why!) so I thought I would share it with you...

Unshelved by Bill Barnes and Gene Ambaum

Unshelved is a daily comic strip about a library. At http://www.overduemedia.com you can read the complete archive, buy stuff, sign up for free email delivery, or subscribe to an RSS feed.

Untitled

2006-08-01T20:03:00.000+01:00

I realised after I wrote my post about the cathedral that I didn't mention God at all. I don't really know why. I think big, grand things can hide God as much as they (or at least the people who build them) would like to be a show-piece for him. Sometimes it's easier to 'see' God in the smaller things of life. Maybe the way I felt on Saturday was God-related, but I don't know, and I don't want to suggest that God is only found in cathedrals and such places.

Vertical and horizontal

2006-07-31T21:50:00.000+01:00

In Come Dance With Me, by Russell Hoban (again), one of the characters, a doctor, makes an interesting observation about the doctor-patient relationship, imparted to him by his predecessor at the hospital:

'It's a matter of the vertical vis-a-vis the horizontal' [...]
'The doctor is vertical; the patient is horizontal, even when they're walking
around. The doctor wears a suit, the patient is in pyjamas, even when they're
fully dressed.

This quotation illustrates how a lot of 'patients' feel, I think. When I go to the doctors, or for a test or a scan or whatever, I often feel (metaphorically) horizontal even though I'm not. I feel like I'm the one in the wrong and that the doctor is in the right. I feel powerless and vulnerable and at the mercy of the medical professional who's performing the test. A horizontal person in pyjamas (or worse, a hospital gown) is not supposed to ask questions. They're supposed to submit to what happens to them, and they can't run away because they don't have their clothes. I don't like it.

I don't like the indignity of having to take my clothes off in front of strangers so that they can examine me. I don't want to submit to the intrusions. As soon as I'm no longer in my own clothes and in one of those hospital gowns I'm no longer myself - I am a Patient who is there to have things done to her. Not only have I lost the protection of my clothing but my identity has been taken away.

At the dentist's the fear really kicks when I get to a certain angle in the chair. I don't like tipping my head back to have my hair washed in the sink at the hairdresser's because I worry that I won't be able to get up again. Until a couple of years ago I always had nightmares when I slept on my back. It's too vulnerable a position.

Sometimes I feel more vertical than others, depending on what's happening to me/who I'm talking to. I suppose the more intrusive the procedure the more metaphorically horizontal I feel.

I don't want to sound ungrateful, I just want to put across my point of view. I'm not sure about the layout of the quotation. Weird.

The cathedral, the book, and me

2006-07-31T13:47:00.000+01:00

Having recently finished reading Riddley Walker, I decided that I would go and have a look for the painting of the Legend of St Eustace in Canterbury Cathedral, and so, on Saturday morning, I did. I had to ask an elderly lady cathedral guide where it was, and almost looked at the modern copy without realising there was a great big painting on the wall behind me, but I did find it. The hart of the wood was indeed there. Poor St Eustace, he didn't have a particularly nice life after he converted to Christianity. Good painting though. [Is this the least informative review of a significant painting ever written?]

I love cathedrals, it must be the Anglican in me. Actually, I don't think it is. I don't know whether it's just the sheer scale of them, the architecture or what, but the sense of history and spirituality in a cathedral is awesome. Whenever I visit one I get drawn into it, and I feel, in a strange way, really safe and at peace. I wander around and soon it's just me and the cathedral, the outside world is gone, the other people in the cathedral are gone, that's it. Me and the stone and the something of people and times gone by. I think that maybe what makes me feel safe is the sense of continuation despite great change, the sense of beauty and the feeling of escape from the world outside. I want this world of peace and quiet and pattern and music and beauty.

On Saturday, after I had looked at the painting of the Legend of St Eustace, I went outside and sat in the cathedral grounds on a bench, reading a book. I thought about things, while I was reading the book - it was that kind of book (actually, it still is). It's a love story, but a little on the odd side. I think it would be describe in TV guides as 'off-beat', which is not a phrase I like even though I've just used it. I was still feeling safe within the bounds of the cathedral and I could think clearly about the things I was thinking about. Sometime I can do this, but then at other times (like now) my thoughts are rather muddy.

There was a wedding in the crypt of the cathedral, and the bridesmaids, and then the bride and her father, arrived in horse-drawn carriages. Lovely dappled/white horses, with plumes on their heads. They were very beautiful. I like horses, but only from a safe distance. Near to me, on the next bench, a man was drawing the cathedral and the lady next to him started talking to him about where the best views of the cathedral are. I overheard their conversation. He said he was an art teacher, and he liked imparting the secrets of art to his students. Apparantly one of the secrets of art is that you should always start your picture from the top down, just in case you needed to know.

I was having a morning where everything meant something for some reason, I think it was the effect of the cathedral, and possibly the book as well. The world wasn't just passing me by, I was a part of it. On Saturday morning I, the cathedral, the book, the artist and his picture, the street cleaner (I know I haven't mentioned him before) and the horses, felt significant. I don't know if you've ever loved someone and everything you see or experience connects you to that person in even the most intangible way. On Saturday morning I felt like that, but it was more like being in love with life or at least the potentials of life, what good could be achieved, even through the smallest things.

Sometimes I feel like I'm in a book and I start thinking like the characters, I wonder whether I should be worried about this.

Story

2006-07-27T22:42:00.000+01:00

I've finished my 'story' about my life with a congenital heart defect (thrilling stuff), and I need to send it in by the 31st of July. I am deliberating over whether to send it in or not. I'm not sure whether it's very good, or even whether I want people to read about my feelings about heart-related matters. I'm a bit worried that my parents might be upset if they read it because I've never really expressed my feelings about all my medical 'issues' before. I don't know. Maybe I should ask my mum to read it first? But then she might not like it and/or say it's not very good. I suppose now it's written I should do something with it. Well, I have four days to decide, so I will have a think.

Teach First, acquire manners later?

2006-07-27T22:09:00.000+01:00

Today, I went shelving several times, which is good for me as I think I've probably only done about 6 hours shelving in the year and a bit since I've been working at the Library of Doom (apologies colleagues). My first attempt was fairly successful, i.e. I could see desk space where there had only been books before, but I did have a minor incident involving me bleeding over some books, myself and the shelving trolley due to a particularly vicious social work book. Two more attempts followed and more table space appeared (hooray!), but then more books arrived...

Anyway, I must get to the point of this entry...

I was getting rid of some 700s, trying to squeeze them into L-space, when some young men came by, talking loudly, so I asked them to please be quiet and they did reduce the volume, but also thought it was amusing and worthy of a mocking "shhhh". This is quite normal student behaviour, but it was made worse by the fact that the young men in question are Teach First students, and thus are supposed to be 'the cream' of British graduates and 'academic' - so you would think that they would appreciate and respect their library staff. I should have known better I suppose. I may be being over sensitive (as I often am), but it worries me that people who are supposed to make excellent teachers and set an example to children and young people have such a lack of respect for library staff. Their motto (yes, they have a motto) is "learning to lead". I'm not sure whether this is the kind of person I would want my children (if I had any) to follow.

I suspect my ranting might sound like an over-reaction, but I think you can tell a lot about a person, student or otherwise, by the way they treat library staff. But then I would say that.

Men

2006-07-22T17:56:00.000+01:00

Since I wrote that little bit in a previous post about men having backbone and some women's problem with men who are too nice, I have been thinking some potential difficulties of being a man in the contemporary western world. Please note, what follows will contain generalisations. Also, I must point out that, in case you didn't know, I'm not a man, and therefore I accept that what I say may not be fact, or even the experience of men today. However, I will continue.

Unreasonable and irrational women

Women can be very unreasonable. They don't want a nasty man, obviously, but how does a man acheive the correct degree of niceness without becoming too nice? I'm not too sure, and I'm a woman, so how are men supposed to know? Some women can also be very irrational. As I am one of these women, I sympathise with any husbands, partners or other men who might come into contact with women like me. I have to say though, that I don't mean to be irrational and am at my most irrational during the dreaded PMT. I honestly don't know how Mr C copes. If he behaved the way I do sometimes I would probably leave him. (I'm also not very tolerant). I can see that if you are a rational person (man or woman) it must be very difficult to empathise with someone who is being irrational. However, also bear in mind that they might not necessarily be being irrational, they might just be doing something differently to the way you would do it.

Nagging

I am a champion nagger, but I still feel sorry for men who get nagged. We know it doesn't really work, and yet we still do it. It's like a compulsion. Please believe me when I say we really do only do it for your own good.

Portrayal of men in the media

I've noticed that nowadays men are often portrayed by the media, particularly on television, and particularly in adverts, as being rather stupid and inferior to women. The feminist in me thinks 'revenge at last', but actually it's quite worrying. Apart from anything else portraying men as being stupid and inferior is just as bad as portraying women in the same way. I'm not sure how offensive men find this kind of portrayal of themselves, but if I was them I would feel a blow to my self-esteem. I suppose it depends how seriously people take these images, but I'm the kind of person who takes things seriously I'm afraid. I don't like hypocrisy (even though I'm sure I'm guilty of it myself sometimes). You can't on the one hand say that adverts portraying women as objects are bad, whilst on the other hand portraying men as being totally ignorant. There are obviously still too many adverts using women's bodies to sell products, but making adverts where men are made to look stupid doesn't make us feel any better.

I also worry that this kind of portrayal of men is actually damaging to women. Women can't afford for men to have any more reasons to dislike or despise them. I know I'm sounding like a feminist now, but there are men out there who would love an extra reason to feel hurt by women so that they can justify their sexist opinions.

Oops, I didn't want to man-rant. At least most of this post was nice to men, I hope. Mr C read it and he seemed to find it amusing, which may or may not be a good thing, but he did say 'oh dear' when he got to the end bit!

Changing rooms

2006-07-22T17:05:00.000+01:00

I have just looked at my profile and it says that I enjoy learning Hebrew, playing the flute and singing. I think I should change this as I haven't done any proper Hebrew learning for about a year, which is pretty bad really. It's not that I don't have the time, I'm just lazy. Playing the flute and singing are also mentioned, and, whilst it is true that I enjoy these activities I only play my flute about once a month for family service at church, and singing is restricted to Sundays at that same venue. I will change the profile, but I'm not sure what to put in instead.

That wasn't what this post was supposed to be about. It was just going to say that we performed the Great Office Move yesterday. I didn't think it went too badly, considering what could have gone wrong, although the conditions were not ideal - very hot, with a distinct lack of fans.

In other, but still work-related, news, we talked about shelving and stock management, and the potential hazards thereof. Or rather the hazards of not having enough staff or time to do either of these things sufficiently quickly or well. It's worrying, but we will have to do the best we can and see what happens, and then if it all goes awry maybe the Sharks will finally do something to help us. I realise that this may not be the best way forward but we weren't sure what else to do in the circumstances.

Yesterday, on my way in to work I had just entered the campus when I was accosted by a student who wanted to know whether I'd contacted someone about the periodical he wants the library to subscribe to. I hadn't even got to the library yet, and it was before 9.00am! Agghhhhhhh.

Comment annoyance

2006-07-22T16:55:00.000+01:00

Aggh someone, or several someones, is leaving comments on my blog so that they can advertise their product(s). Lots of them! 53 today! I can't be bothered to go through and find and delete them all, but if you happen upon any such comments while reading this blog please don't follow the link!

Lyrics, love, niceness and being kind

2006-07-20T21:38:00.000+01:00

I'm listening to Keane again. One of my favourite lines, which appears in the song Is it any wonder is "sometimes I get the feeling that I'm stranded in the wrong time where love is just a lyric in a children's rhyme". One good line is a whole song, maybe even album, full of good lyrics.

I think it's a good line because, as do a lot of Keane's lyrics, it expresses how I feel sometimes. I don't mean in the sense that I personally don't feel loved, but when I look at the world, or even just my local communities I think more love would be good. Real love is sometimes difficult in practice, but sometimes it only seems difficult. I'm not very good at it, but I know some people who are, and I admire them for it. You need to be quite brave to give this kind of love, because sometimes people don't want it and you might get rejected (actually this may be true of any kind of love), and sometimes the people you try to love might be scary and even dangerous. This is where my cowardly side would rear its head, and I would run away, but some people don't.

It really amazes me, the way some people love. How do they do it? I am pretty selfish really. Sometimes, when I'm in particularly bad moods I can't see beyond myself at all and I don't even care if I hurt other people with what I say or do. Mr C is probably the only person who has seen this part of me, and I wouldn't want to inflict it on anyone else. I don't want to inflict it on him either, when I'm feeling 'normal' but when I'm in a mood I actually don't care. Even in 'normal' mode I'm often lazy or cowardly and I don't show love to people as I should do.

I was thinking about kindness the other day on my way home. I was thinking about how kindness is different to niceness. Niceness is a bit wishy-washy and could mean anything. When people describe someone as 'nice' what does that mean? Apparently men can be too nice (according to some women). That sounds like a weird concept, but I sort of know what they mean. [Basically, men should also have a backbone - figuratively as well as literally]. Having said that, niceness is a perfectly acceptable quality in a human being. However, kindness is better (in general, not just in relation to men!). Kindness is also rarer, I think. I am priviliged to know many kind people, more than my fair share. Kindness is part of real love. Sometimes you have to sacrifice something to be kind, and kindness makes a real difference to people who experience it.

Aggh I am waffling and I've lost my thread. I must go.

How did I get here from Keane lyrics?

P.S. I looked up 'kind' and 'nice' in the dictionary, and the descriptions were similar, but the words that stood out for me in the various meanings given for 'kind' were 'compassionate' (the first meaning) and 'loving' as in "full of love". The latter is given as the archaic meaning, but I think this describes kindness (as I see it) in the best way.

There's a Hebrew word, hesed, which means lovingkindness. I love that word (although I had forgotten the Hebrew so I had to look it up!). It appears a lot in the Hebrew Bible (or Old Testament, depending on your persuasion) when the author is describing qualities of God, but sometimes the translation misses the full meaning of the word, which is a shame.

Rabbi Malka Drucker talks about it like this:

In Hebrew the word is hesed, which is also translated as mercy and grace. It is unconditional, causeless love, the love we have not just for those nearest and dearest, because that's easy. It means behaving as if we love to strangers and even those we don't like [...] [L]oving kindness [is] the behavior we offer when we may feel exactly the opposite of love. And how do we know that this is what God wants us to give each other? Because we are btzelem elohim, in God's image, and hesed is God's chief attribute upon which we most depend. Loving kindness is what God gives us, no matter what. The love that never stops, never gives up, no matter how unworthy we may feel. God knows better than we who we are and who we may be.

Ok, now I really must go.

Meanwhile, in the Library of Doom...

2006-07-20T21:02:00.000+01:00

We are moving offices imminently, i.e. tomorrow, so there has been quite an "aggghhhhh!" sort of feel in the air this week. Especially as previously we were told that we wouldn't be moving until the end of the month, for which we had a Plan (A), and now we're moving tomorrow and have a Plan (B), which was only thought of yesterday.

We thought our Plan (A) was perfectly acceptable - we had even discussed it, and I'd gone to the extremes of doing a statistical analysis thingy in order to be able to justify our decision. But, alas, Plan A was not to be. I had a meeting with the Sharks yesterday and told them Plan A, and lo, the Sharks were not happy with said Plan. Yea, they did beseech me to change yon Plan, and therefore did I become most unhappy, and didst say unto them: Wherefore ist this plan not good? And they did say unto me: didst thee think it through most carefully, and I did say: yea, I didst. Aber jezt was das Plan nicht recht, und so sagte ich, "Was mochten sie? Warum konnen sie nicht es zu mir sagen?" Und sie sagten: "Es ist nicht was wir wunschen, aber was besten fur das Bibliothek ist. And so, she wondered what to do. She wandered into the library, and went to visit the office of one of the Sharks. She pondered hard but was none the wiser, so she thought, I will try to accomodate the wishes of the Sharks. She thought on this and discussed with several people. And so Plan B came into being. And she wasn't sure that it was good.

Not sure what happened there. The German is schlecht (terrible) by the way. My apologies to anyone reading this who knows, or (double apologies) is, German.

Anyway, after persuasion I did try and get Plan A back, but to no avail. I'm sure reading Riddley Walker is doing bad things to my spelling. It's slow going but very interesting and intriguing and inciting me to read more things by Russell Hoban. I only put that last one in because I wanted to use another word beginning with 'in', and I couldn't think of anything else. It is true though. RW definitely reminds me of a couple of sections of Cloud Atlas "Sloosha's crossin' and evr'ythin' after", especially the sort of language used, as well as some of the ideas. Maybe David Mitchell read it at some point, and used it as inspiration for that part of his book.

I wonder if it is dangerous to write about the Library of Doom? It might come and bite me (not literally).

Mr Coates

2006-07-20T17:51:00.000+01:00

Since my article appeared in the CILIP Gazette I have had some contact with Tim Coates, author of the Good Library Guide blog and the infamous/controversial report of the state of the public library service in the UK, Who's in charge? Responsibility for the Public Library Service, which you can (if you happen to be interested) download here. Someone sent him a copy of that issue of the Gazette and he read my article and posted a response on his blog. If you're interested in this you can read it by going to the Good Library Guide blog and scrolling down quite a long way. However, you will only be able to do this if you know my name, and it also won't make much sense if you haven't read my orginal article! Don't worry, it's not that interesting. He does call my article a letter though, which is a bit off. I know it was short, but even so! I left a comment on his post, and he emailed me today. I am slightly scared of him - he can be quite cutting about the people he takes issue with, but so far we are allies in the fight for better promotion of libraries and their services. Not that I'm doing a lot about it, apart from writing miniature articles, but it's the thought that counts, right? Maybe not in all cases.

Aghh I just forgot how to spell miniature. It must be the heat. I'm using this as an excuse for a lot of things at the moment.

The joys of Anglicanism

2006-07-15T12:33:00.000+01:00

I had my driving lesson on Tuesday, and Mrs Driving says I should be able to put in for my test in a couple of weeks. There is a waiting list of about 6 weeks, so I still have some practice time. I am quite keen to get it over with. It's very expensive to keep having lessons, apart from anything else. The news of impending freedom from train timetables and having to walk home in the dark has spurred me into looking for a choir to join once I've passed my test. (I'm not assuming I'll pass first time, but I'm trying to be optimistic!). I've looked on the interweb for choirs in my area. There doesn't seem to be a great variety. So far I've found an operatic society (I don't dance or act and don't have enough voice projection for this kind of thing), a choral society and something called a Cantabile, the website for which did not exist.

I've been in a choral society before, and I'll probably join this if there is no other option, as long as they don't have auditions. They look very posh on their photos though, and very middle-aged and middle-class, as choral societies tend to be. The Cantabile thing sounds intriguing, but I can't seem to find any more information about it, other than its name, and I'm not sure it it still exists. I will keep looking.

I could find a church choir to join, but this would involve me either moving churches or not being able to be a regular member of the choir, and I wouldn't really want to do either of these things. I would love to be in a church choir again though. I know church choral music isn't everyone's cup of tea, and there are some odd pieces out there - but I suppose this is true of every musical genre. I miss the order and routine of Anglican church life - all the different seasons and the music that goes with them. It's a bit of a joke that we used to sing (and still do when I'm at my parents') the same pieces every year, but we sing them because they're our favourites and there's something comforting about them. We did/do try new pieces, some of which also become favourites (or sometimes just the choirmaster's favourites), and it was always exciting (and often amusing) to try a new piece of music for the first time.

Some of my fondest memories are of when we used to go to Diocesan choral festivals. We used to go to Leicester (for this was my home diocese. [Apologies, by the way, if you have no idea what a diocese is. It's basically a geographical area, a bit like the equivalent of a county. All the Anglican churches within the area belong to the diocese. If you do know, apologies if you think this is patronising and please let me know if you have a better definition!] Choirs from all the churches in the diocese gathered together and learned new music (and probably some old stuff as well) and then sang at a special festival service in the evening. Sometimes new music would be premiered at the festival, which, in hindsight, was a really exciting thing, but as a child I would probably have been more likely to be thinking about lunch (actually nothing much has changed!).

The choir I was in at home have become a bit like my extended family because we've known each other for so long - about 20 years in some cases. It was lovely to have the choir singing at our wedding, it just wouldn't have been the same without them.

Basket weaving under water in Malaysia

2006-07-15T11:58:00.000+01:00

I wasn't sure whether to hyphenate basket-weaving and under-water, so if you are a hyphenate/or I apologise.

The title of the post is a direct qute from our line manager, who was talking about the sorts of mad courses academics dream up when they've eaten too much cheese before bedtime. He was making a good point about people deciding they are going to run courses without actually knowing whether anyone will want to enrole on them. The library has to buy stock for the course, which can turn out to be a huge waste of time and money if no one turns up. Even more bizarrely, some Universities start running courses at locations that don't yet exist. The poor students then have to take their classes etc somewhere else, and then move to their 'proper' location when it is available. Very odd.

In print

2006-07-13T21:21:00.000+01:00

The latest issue of the CILIP Gazette was on my doormat when I arrived home this evening. My (quite short) article has been printed. I didn't dare read it at first, once I had seen it was in there, but I've just read it now. The whole issue has quite a few articles on the same sort of theme - the need to promote libraries in light of the current climate (i.e. closure of public libraries etc). Some of the questions I asked in my piece are answered in other articles - hopefully I don't come across as being too ignorant. I mentioned that CILIP didn't seem to be talking about the closures or responding to them in the press but then in another article someone else made a good point about the importance of not dwelling on the closures and trying to talk about more positive things to do with libraries, so maybe this was CILIP's tactic. In the lead article Tim Buckley Owen says that people trying to promote libraries have been met with people from the press saying that they only want to write about closures! I guess good news stories about libraries just don't sell newspapers - or at least people in the press assume they won't.

Andrew Cockburn, Secretary of the Library Campaign (also quoted in the lead article) does agree with what I wrote about the library profession, and CILIP in particular, not appearing to be doing a lot about the closures, and compares the work done (or not done) here, with that in the US. [Sorry, that was a bit of a long sentence!] Someone from CILIP's Publicity and Public Relations Group talks about the need for training library and information professionals in marketing skills, a point I also made. It's quite nice to have people agree with you in print, although it's also quite scary to see your own opinions published for anyone to respond to. More scary [should that be scarier?] than writing a blog somehow - probably because it's actually there in hard copy and in a professional publication...and librarians can be really frightening if they want to have a disagreement with you. Eep.

Theories on assertiveness and self-esteem

2006-07-12T22:14:00.000+01:00

I don't know why I'm such a scaredy-cat [miaow] about some things. I suppose it's lack of assertiveness , which I am working on (i.e. trying to become more assertive, not less!). I wonder why some people are more assertive than others? I suppose it has a lot to do with upbringing and how your parents treated and responded to you, and also to do with past experience, as well as your own opinion of yourself as a person [level of self esteem], which is again influenced by upbringing etc. Parents can have a lot to answer for. I think assertiveness and/or self-esteem (for they are closely linked, I believe) can also be inherited from parents, or just absorbed by osmosis - the attitudes your parents/guardians have rub off on you.

If your parents don't think you have valid opinions, or don't let you express them at all, you're probably going to grow up to believe that what you think doesn't matter and might not have strong opinions about things at all until a much later age than other people (if at all). If you're always told what to do as a child and not given a choice, you're probably not going to be great at making decisions when you're an adult. Lots of negative criticism doesn't help either, leading to feelings of 'I'm not good enough, I'm never going to be good enough, I can't do anything right and I musn't do anything wrong, etc'. Equally, if your parents/guardians don't tell you when you've done well, you're either going to try and try but never feel you get it right, or just feel like you may as well not bother. Obviously, there is more to it than that, and these things are all generalisations and assumptions, but I'm not a psychologist and I'm just expressing my opinion.

I might write more about this another time.

Take me to your leader

2006-07-12T12:43:00.000+01:00

I am supposed to be a team leader/supervisor. I say supposed to be, because most of the time I don't feel like one, or at least not an effective one. It is difficult being a supervisor when you are not a particularly assertive person. On top of this, I find it really hard to make decisions when it's not a clear cut case, and particularly when people's feelings could be hurt if I make the wrong decision. You can tell I'm not exactly ideal management material! The weird thing is, I actually enjoy being a supervisor and having a group of people to look after. It helps that my team are very well behaved 99.9% of the time. I'm not sure what I would do if they suddenly stopped working hard and started being rude!

We (two senior library assistants (SLAs) and I) were talking yesterday about having to justify our higher pay scales to the library assistants [we decided having more meetings on our own might do it - not entirely seriously], and I was then thinking well, how do I justify getting paid more than the SLAs? What do I actually do that's harder work than what they do? I suppose I (at the moment) have to do rotas, and I have to speak to and deal with bad students, which isn't very nice sometimes, and of course I am supposed to supervise the office. However, I'm pretty sure either of the SLAs could do this at least equally well. [One of the SLAs may well read this so I should add that I'm not trying to flatter people, I'm just giving my true opinion]. I think the supervisor side of my job will come out more next term, when we will be doing more stuff with fewer people, thus increasing the need for prioritising and 'control' of tasks and workloads. I'm quite looking forward to the challenge. It will be interesting - hopefully in a good way!

I feel that I need to prove myself to some extent, because I feel like I'm a bit of a 'Weak King' a lot of the time at the moment, like I'm sort of floundering along hoping it'll be ok in the end. My memory is quite bad, which doesn't help when it's Thursday night (or whichever day) and I've forgotten I need an extra person for the rota, for example. The decision making thing is a Thing as well. I wish I could be less emotional about these things. [Overuse of the word 'thing', I fear]. Some managers seem to be adept at making decisions which are pretty much bound to upset people and not minding. How do they do that? Maybe it's better for the soul not to be able to, although I don't know any managers who are really bad people. I suppose they're just more pragmatic than I am.

I've found that it's quite easy to be paranoid when you start supervising people. When I'm having a paranoid moment (usually after I've done something wrong) I think, 'what if they think I'm rubbish and a bad supervisor, they must think that because I know I am, what if they all secretly hate me, I bet they wish they hadn't given me the job, I bet X thinks they could do a better job, etc, etc'. I do, in dark moments, feel like most of my team could do my job and that it's only my library qualification that warrants me doing it.

This year (it's nearly a year since I started my current job) has definitely been a fairly steep learning curve. Sometimes it has been difficult, and library politics haven't helped. However, I'm a lot happier in my work now than I was a year ago, and I'm looking forward to what's going to happen next. For helping me through this year I'd like to thank my agent [non-existent], my lovely Reader Services team, my family and friends, the Academy [University] and of course my dear husband who has always been sympathetic when I've whinged. I'll keep my Oscar in the bathroom...or maybe the kitchen.

Keane: Under the Iron Sea

2006-07-09T20:48:00.000+01:00

I like the artwork, I like the album, I like Keane. I know a lot of people don't like Keane, because they think they're boring and miserable. Mr C thinks this (at least the miserable part), but I like them. Here is my defence of Keane:

Although their songs deal with serious and sad things they also contain a kind of optimism, through the (in my opinion) great tunes, moving lyrics and beautiful singing. They're good to listen to if you're feeling like the world's a bad place, because they'll agree with you while at the same time reminding you that it's not completely awful if music like this exists.

You will probably (especially if you don't like Keane) think that I'm nuts, but they make my journey to work considerably better, at least.

Err

2006-07-05T11:02:00.000+01:00

I'm not sure whether I made the point I wanted to make in my previous post. Sorry.

Schwartzwaldekirschtorte*

2006-07-04T22:18:00.000+01:00

Sometimes, the way people write or speak really annoys me. [Yes, I know this is ironic given my propensity for inappropriate use of parentheses]. I don't mean their accents or grammar (although bad grammar does annoy me, even though I'm sure I don't use it properly myself), I mean examples such as the sentence in [] above. Why do people insist on using long or unusual words, when they could have said the same thing in a much clearer and more concise way? I know, I know, we shouldn't dumb down, and I agree, but I think sometimes people just use long words to make themselves look clever. I do.

People in certain sectors of society are particularly guilty of such crimes, in my opinion. Major culprits include writers for The Guardian newspaper, especially the ones who write about nothing much in the g2 supplement. I quite enjoy reading g2 in the staff room at break time, it just about fills the time-gap nicely, but I am often irritated by the style of writing. They may not always use long words, but, to me, it feels like they're trying to tell me how intelligent they are - 'Look, I am so clever and I have opinions and because you're not as clever as me you have to accept them'. I find the tone very condescending sometimes.

I think the root of my annoyance is probably jealousy, with a bit of insecurity thrown in. They're probably getting paid lots of money to write their own opinions, and they probably really are more intelligent than I am [did you know the majority of people working in the media went to Oxford or Cambridge?], so that's two reasons for me to envy them. Also, I suspect I feel slightly intimidated by their long words and Guardianesque writing style and worry that I don't understand.

Some students and academics are also guilty of using long words on purpose. I know one student who use the most complex word he could think of because he thought he would get better marks - I think it worked! This kind of word usage isn't so bad because the person reading the essay should be able to understand what's written, and it's not going to make them feel stupid.

A classic example of mis-use of language in speech was in a church meeting on Monday night, where the vicar spoke at length about his pet topic and used lots of acronyms and jargon and I hadn't got a clue what he was talking about! Management-speak is a classic example of mis-use of words that I'm sure many people in employment can identify with!

I like words, and I think people should make full use of the language available, but sometimes it is better to be clear than clever.

*The title of this post is Schwartzwaldekirschtorte because this is one of the longest words we learnt in German lessons at school and we always tried to fit it in to our work somewhere. I suppose 'trying to make people think you're clever by using long words and annoying writing styles' could be known as Schwartzwaldekirschtorte Syndrome. I suspect I am not immune to this syndrome.

Brackets (parentheses)

2006-07-02T18:32:00.000+01:00

I think my use of brackets generally is probably quite annoying. I will try to get out of this habit, but it will possibly make my posts longer and I think I'm too lazy to change. Sorry.

Oxenford

2006-07-02T17:33:00.000+01:00

We went to Oxford yesterday, to meet some friends from those old happy days in the City of Libraries. I think this may be one of the best places to be a librarian anywhere - apart from the rubbish pay of course. We had a great time when we lived there - it is where I met Mr C, so lots of happy memories. It was a bit of a flying visit - quite a lot of travelling in one day. I went from Victoria on the Oxford Tube, which is a bus (confusing for tourists I've always thought). I've travelled the other way before, but not from London to Oxford. Anyway, it was quite an ok journey - not too long, despite delays due to roadworks. I'd forgotten Mr C had a driving lesson when we arranged the meet-up, so he wasn't able to get there until later (about 3pm).

Met up with Friend A and we ate lunch, which is always our priority whenver we meet. Went to Harvey's sandwich place and had nice sandwiches but very bad service. I don't know what it is about me, but servers, whether it is people at counters or waiters in restaurants, often just don't seem to notice me. People got served in front of me who hadn't been there as long as I had. Why is this? Maybe it is my unassertive nature or maybe they just don't like the look of me! It's like I'm not there! Maybe I become invisible the minute I want to order something. I was wearing a white top, so perhaps they thought I was a ghost and were trying to pretend they hadn't seen me because they were afraid.

Anyway, we eventually had lunch. Actually most of the day was taken up with eating and drinking (non-alcoholic), as it often is when we go to Oxford. All those beautiful buildings and all we want to do is eat ice cream and fish pie (not at the same time). We had a wander round the shops and then went for ice cream at G&D's. No turkish delight flavour yesterday, alas, but I had a lovely coffee one. They now weigh the servings of ice cream, which is a bit odd. Perhaps they had complaints about discrepancies in portion size. They used to have moo-ing competitions in there on a Tuesday night. I have lost my moo recently for some reason, but when I lived there I was quite tempted to enter. [Don't even think about making any offensive comments about my similarity to our bovine friends!]

After this, Friend A wanted to go to the pub to watch the football. I told her I thought this was a bad idea, but because I have no free will (not in a theological sense, only in a low-assertiveness sense) I went along with her plan. We were there for about half an hour before the noise became intolerable and we went out into the garden and she admitted I had been right. Hooray! Much nicer. Mr C turned up, and then Friend B. It was good to see Friends A and B again, as it had been a while. We tried to work out what was going on with the football by the sound and type of cheering (and other noise) we could hear. Due to lots of people being in the pub, food was off, so we went to the fish place next door for tea. Fish pie! We always have fish pie when we go there, mainly because it's the cheapest thing on the menu!

After that, it was time to go home. Back on the bus, which was faster on the way home and we got back earlier than we thought we would, which was good. There were a couple of interesting people on the bus. They are both involved in Egyptian archaeology, and have led really interesting lives, which they were discussing, and I was eavesdropping on their conversation. They were quite old and very Nice Oxford English, which I like (as opposed to Snobby Oxford English, which I dislike, being well brought up by a Liberal Democrat and a conservative (?) [note small c] would-be communist. (Don't ask!)). Sorry about my bizarre use of brackets in this paragraph!

The story of my heart

2006-06-27T21:44:00.000+01:00

Is that a song title? It might be. Anyway, I still haven't even started writing my GUCH story, and only 33 (? maths isn't my strong point)days until the deadline. Actually, that is quite a while, maybe that's why I haven't started yet - not enough pressure. I am a bit appalled, though, that I can't think of anything to write about what has been a major part of and had a major effect on my life. It might be more a case of just not knowing what to pick out (see previous post on this subject). See I am procrastinating instead of getting on with it. Maybe if I wait until 29th July to start I will be more successful?

Or maybe the truth is that I don't actually know what to say because I don't know enough about it. I have always felt under informed, if that's the word, about my own medical history. I think this is because I was quite a small child when all the major things were happening, and I don't actually remember anything much about those early years. I think I might have subconsciously blocked out memories, because I seem to be able to remember a lot less about my childhood than other people can - or maybe I just know people with good memories! The things I vaguely remember (or think I do) are:

1. Being baptised in hospital, although it is apparently impossible for me to remember this as I was only a few days old at the time.'
2. Eating ice cream with a friend on the ward aged three?
3. My fourth birthday. Just after I left hospital after my operation I think. The nurses gave me a large cuddly mouse wearing a pinafore dress and mob cap, which I still have. She is called 'wobbly mole' even though she's not a mole, but she is quite wobbly.
4. Having a catheter put in and looking at my insides on a monitor.

Another reason I think my subconscious has been at work is my (sometimes quite extreme) reactions to any sort of even vaguely invasive procedure. Going to the dentist can be very embarrassing as I have a tendency to cry. I have found that humming helps, although I worry the dentist then thinks I'm insane. Having a blood test used to be the same, but I am now not so bad if I don't look at the needle. Having my ears examined at my regular check-ups (I had gromits - no not the dog) was a particularly dreaded activity. The doctor reminded me of Jerry Adams, but this wasn't why I hated going - I could not stand him poking his little sticks in my ears and I made sure he knew this! I felt sorry for the nurse, but not really for him. I cried, I whimpered, I tried to escape. This would not have been so bad if I had been aged three, but I was about 16-17 at the time. Thankfully I don't have to go there anymore.

Bizarrely, actually going to my heart check-up is the least stressful medical thing I have to do nowadays - maybe because I've done it so often. It takes a while because I have to have several tests - ECG, ultrasound and sometimes x-ray (used to be x-ray every time) and is very boring for the person who comes with me (if anyone does) as it involves a lot of waiting around. I have had to have an MRI scan which I have written about previously [summary, I panicked, got claustrophobic (not necessarily in that order!) and had to be let out. I never want to have one of those again]. I then had a CT scan, which was better even though it involved needles...ok, just one, but that was enough. You can also read about this in a previous post, if you would like to, but it's probably not very interesting! Before the MRI they attempted an endoscopy, but this was not a success as I reacted like I reacted to the Ear Man, but worse (aged 25).

Needless to say, I feel very silly when I react badly to members of the medical profession who are only trying to help me, but I just can't help the way I react. (Hence my idea that it's subconscious reaction to previous experience of medical procedures).

Usually with the check up I know what's coming, basically at least. More recently though, there has been talk of mending my leaking valve (again - the one I have now is a replacement) and I have a new consultant, as the beloved Rosemary Radley Smith has retired. She gave me some of her blood once! So, I may once again be heading into the unknown. RRS, as she is known (to me, at least), said I should have the valve repaired before I start having children (if I ever do), and although I don't know if we will, or even can, have children, I would like to have the valve sorted out - it would be one less thing to worry about. Well, I will see what the new person says in August.

I don't often talk about my heart. For one, as I said earlier, I don't really know what to say. For two (oops) I don't want people to think I'm making a fuss and implying they should feel sorry for me. Having said that, I confess there is a part of me that wants people to recognise that I have been through these things, and that I'm not being a wimp when I can't run to the train station or keep up with people going up hill, and that I'm not being completely unreasonable when I cry at the dentist's.

[Feel free to disagree!]

Change

2006-06-25T21:53:00.000+01:00

As you will have noticed, avid readers [cough], I have changed the template. This one feels nice and summery...but what will I do in winter?! I wonder if this is related to women having to have one lot of outfits for winter and one for summer* - although I don't, so it can't be that.

*This does happen. My mum does it, and I am sure various people at work do too, judging by conversations had in the SCR.

Anyway, I hope you are not feeling too disoriented.

Template time

2006-06-25T21:25:00.000+01:00

I'm getting to the stage where I feel like changing my template again. I go through this quite often, and have changed in once (it used to be Dots). I'm not sure why I go through these stages. Maybe I just like a change of scene now and again...Anyway, we'll see. It will depend on whether I can do the change without losing too much stuff!

I wrote my article for the Gazette. Ms Editor wanted me to add something I wasn't sure about, so we compromised. I hope it will be ok.

Broccoli

2006-06-25T20:27:00.000+01:00

This weekend has been busy. I've been home (parents) and back, replete with parents, who have been to stay.

On Friday afternoon I (and Mr C) went home to attend two friends' Civil Partnership ceremony celebration, which was certainly a new experience! It was a great party - lots of people there so managed to catch up with a quite a few old friends, including one whom I've known since I was about eight but hadn't seen for ages. We were both in the church choir for years, but then she moved to another church, and when I left home we lost touch. It was good to catch up, although quite weird, as these things can be. Seeing my mum disco dancing was a rather odd experience as well! They had a great small big band (if that makes any sense) before the diso started. They were all friends of the happy couple, and played many of the classic big band numbers. I hadn't heard a live big band for years, and I really enjoyed it.

Yesterday we went to see grandparents, then travelled back home (our house) in dad's car. I don't know why, but I really don't like long car journeys. I enjoy driving myslelf (in my lessons), and short journeys are fine, but long ones are definitely not. I think I worry about getting lost and I am not in control of the car! I am such a control freak! EEEEEEK.

We made it back without incident and sat about for a bit, then mum and dad wanted to help with the garden - honestly, we didn't make them do it! - so we went out and weeded. The effect of this was that we are now left with about four plants and a lot of bare, dry earth! But at least the plants that are there now are 'real' ones and have room to grow now the weeds are out. The weeds were massive tall things with yellow flowers, which were quite pretty, but did block the view of everything else. We discovered we have a fusia and a campanula, and it will be nice to see them bloom. We're not allowed to plant anything in the garden, as we're renting, but we're hoping to get some pots or tubs, and stand them in the soil, so at least it won't look so bare, and will add more colour. I've been watching gardening programmes on tv, which is a bit disturbing, but I find them very relaxing. I can see why people like gardening. I think I'll like it more once I know what I'm doing. At least I now know everything now in the garden is not a weed!

Mr C cooked a lovely curry, which had broccoli in it.

This morning I woke up and felt angry. But why? I do not know. Sometimes I do. I felt grumpy and unhappy most of the day, although better when H and husband popped round for a visit. I wasn't too bad after that. I don't know why I get in these moods, there certainly wasn't any particular reason today. Maybe I slept weirdly or something. Maybe I am just odd. I feel sorry for Mr C who always gets the worst bits of me at such times.

Also in the news...I ironed, did the washing, washed up, put the washing out and made dinner (tuna pasta - my hands now smell of garlic).

Money for old rope

2006-06-22T12:54:00.000+01:00

A guy called Paul Youngson has come up with a great idea for raising money for charity. He started with a piece of old rope, which he then traded for some lots of pairs of children's scissors (strange item!), and then he traded the scissors for an official's shirt from the Sydney Olympics. Paul hopes to go on trading items for 18 months, until he auctions his final item to raise money for GUCH - Grown Up Congenital Hearts. GUCH provides support to adults who have congenital heart defects. You can see the link to his blog in my all new Blogroll on the right, or click here.

Heavy books

2006-06-16T21:19:00.000+01:00

Today a student came to the desk, dumped her books on the desk and said "These books are very very overweight...overdue!"

A calmer day

2006-06-16T20:52:00.000+01:00

After the stress of yesterday today was very calm, and people were happier. We had our team meeting and discussed things, and learnt some stuff about future developments. We found out officially where S and I are going to move to when we move offices, so that was good.

Yesterday, in between everything else, I had my second session of recruitment and selection training. Like the first session, it was very interesting and useful - more interesting that I expected before I started the training! You can read about it on my other blog, if you're interested.

I've written to my mentor, following my attendance at the chartership training, but no reply yet, which is a bit worrying. I will find it annoying if she is someone who takes ages to reply to emails.

In other news, I've been asked to write an article for the CILIP Gazette, and the deadline is next week, so I'd better get on with it!

Sigh

2006-06-15T18:19:00.000+01:00

Urgh. Today has been one of those days when people have been upset over something relatively trivial, but which has ripples of repercussion that slop out and upset people. To cut a long story short, lots of people got upset because of lack of communication. Again. I hold myself [in]directly responsible for people being cross/upset, but it is too complicated to try to explain.

I went to see the Big Boss, and was upset in his office, which is very embarrassing in hindsight, but I couldn't help it at the time. He said I made the right decision in the circumstances, and that I shouldn't have been asked to do it, but I still wish I hadn't done it.

The problem (and adding to my guilt) is that I could see the potential consequences to a certain extent. I just hoped they wouldn't happen and was trying to do the right thing at the time.

People are unhappy and we are having a meeting tomorrow, so we'll see what happens then.

I don't know what the point of writing this is. It just looks like a load of cryptic nonsense.

I hate library politics.

Training

2006-06-09T13:27:00.000+01:00

I've been on a couple of training courses in the past few days. The first thing was on Wednesday evening, when I went to the Preparing for Chartership course held at CILIP HQ in London. It was a bit of a pain that it was in the evening, after work and therefore at a tiring time of the day, but I got the train and found the venue ok. I had some trouble with escalators on the Untergrund (U-Bahn). This often happens, mainly on down escalators. I think it's to do with vertigo, which I don't have when I'm on/in tall buildings, but do on stairs without handrails (can't do them), and escalators. Weird. Anyway, fortunately, there were also some stairs (avec handrail), which isn't always the case, so I got to where I had to go.

For a full report of the chartership training please see my notebook. Oops sorry you can't do that, so please see my chartership blog. I started it on a different blog hosting thing because I wanted to be able to keep some bits private, in case I had to say bad things about anyone. Not really, it was more because I might want to mention people by name so that I can remember what on earth I was doing at the time, and I don't really like doing that when other people can read it. As far as I know there is no privacy function on Blogger. If you know differently please let me know! The other blog will (hopefully) act as a diary to record events, training, incidents. meetings etc relevant to the chartership process and also be somewhere where I can write my reflections on these things (which, as I learned on Wednesday, is a very important part of the process).

Regarding the course, the gist is that it was very useful and I'm glad I went.

The other training was yesterday, which was in-house training on recruitment and selection. This was also very worth while. The course leaders did well to make the subject less dry than it might have been, and it was definitely useful given the current changes happening within the library here. I will write a more detailed report about it in the chartership blog soon (I hope).

Blogger seems to be working ok again, so I will try and reload Bob tonight!

Pigeons

2006-06-08T20:13:00.000+01:00

I can hear the wood pigeons cooing in the trees outside. The sound always reminds me of home. It also reminds me of my mum, who says she would like to catch one of the pigeons and put it in a pie. I am not sure that you would actually get much meat from a poor pigeon, and I wouldn't want to eat one anyway, but still she is determined. One day, I think she will train the cat to catch one specially for her pie-making endeavour.

Monday, Monday

2006-06-05T20:27:00.000+01:00

Today at work was quite Mondayish.

New experiences are on the horizon. I am going to have training in recruitment and selection next week, and then I'm going to be helping recruit and select new desk staff. I am a bit scared, as it is not something I have ever done before, but it will be really good experience and interesting, I expect. Hopefully I will feel more confident once I have had the training.

The Big Boss is currently thinking about how jobs in our team are going to be redistributed once the integration has happened. He told me about his ideas so far, which sound reasonable. I'm going to a meeting about it on Wednesday with the Librarians. This is good as at least I will be able to imput into the decision making process (aghh management-squeak alert) on behalf of the team. D, if you are reading this, yes he did say we would all meet as a team to discuss the plans before anything is definitely decided!

I hope I'm never going to turn into a manager who uses management words (although I fear I probably already use them, and I'm not even a real manager). When I was doing my library course I was really against learning about management because I wanted to be a traditional librarian (whatever one of those is - probably non-existent!). However, we had to take management as a core course, and despite my protestations it actually became my favourite module, mainly because the lecturer was excellent. It also gave me my best marks, which helped me like it I suppose! I enjoyed the psychology side of it, but I still hate the language and the thing about seeing people as resources and treating them accordingly. I know people are a resource, in the sense that they are necessary to the workings of an organisation, but they're not a resource like a computer or a table. This may sound obvious to you, but I don't think it is so evident to some people in the higher echelons of some organisations. [NB this does not refer to the organisations I currently work in. I refer to my envelope opening days only].

Please don't sack me I like my job. I just learnt how to spell echelon. I am so pleased.

Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours...

2006-06-05T20:13:00.000+01:00

I had a really dull weekend, the 'highlight' of which was going round to ask the neighbours to turn down their TV. It took three attempts before I dared to actually ring their doorbell. Attempt one: I went to the end of their drive but heard them shouting and then lost my nerve and went back home. Attempt two: I went for a pretend walk around the corner and then turned round and went home. Somebody in the street told me to cheer up as I walked past. I hate it when people do that.I went home and cried. Anyway, attempt three: first I wrote a note then I went and rang their doorbell. Mrs Next-Door answered, and I asked her if they could turn the TV down a bit, and she said that was perfectly alright, twice. Then I went back home.

I think I should write my GUCH story about how being ill as a child makes you oversensitive. But of course I don't know whether I would be oversensitive anyway. But I think it's an interesting idea, and other people might as well. Maybe?

Chartership update

2006-06-02T21:33:00.000+01:00

Oops that last post was a bit long. I am going to go on a 'Preparing for Chartership' training course next Wednesday. It's in London, and in the evening, so I might get back quite late. I wasn't sure whether to wait and see if there is going to be one held in the daytime, but my mentor wants me to go on one before we meet, so I thought I should go as soon as possible. I did attend a course last year (maybe the year before that now!), when I was in my old job, but that was when I was applying under the old regulations. I also have to look at my Personal Professional Development Plan (more concisely known as PPDP) and update it and change things as appropriate.

It's really cold in here. Can't believe it's June! Brrr.

Wedding report

2006-06-02T20:17:00.000+01:00

I've realised that I didn't post about the wedding we went to on Saturday. It was in North Wales, which meant a long journey on the train. It wasn't too bad on the way up, as there was only one change in London (excluding the Underground), although we did have to stand/squat in corridor from London to Crewe, which wasn't so much fun. I bought a book at Euston though, so at least I had something to do.

Anyway, Rhyl was Rhyl-like - i.e. cold, smelly with scary people fighting on the street. Sorry to anyone who is from Rhyl, maybe I just haven't seen the nice side.

The wedding was very nice though. The usual university people reunion (but slightly different people to the ones at the last wedding, although some were the same). The service was quite unusual in that they had a really short marriage bit, and then lots of lively worship songs and even a dance performance. We had photos outside after the service, by which time the sun had come out. The reception was in the town hall, which was next door to the church, so that was handy. We had nice food and several long but entertaining speeches!

The journey back was ok, apart from a little hiccup in Birmingham. We had to go to Birmingham New Street, then change and walk to Birmingham Moor Street, which isn't very far, but we managed to get lost and I got stressed and shouted at Mr C in the street. I sometimes have these moments of rage, I'm not really sure why. I just felt it was unfair that we had got lost and decided to shout about it. I wasn't really shouting at my husband, more at the world. I am probably insane.

We made it home in the end though, but I remained upset until we went back to work on Tuesday. I didn't like having the day off on Monday, because I didn't know what to do. I ended up doing ironing and stuff though, so at least I made productive use of the day I suppose.

Anyway, here is a nice picture of Jen (the bride) with Ali and Berni at the reception. You can see the blurring on the right hand side of the photo. This was caused by me dropping the camera at a previous wedding. Oops. The man in the shop said I probably damaged the lens and the casing is buckled. The poor camera has gone away to be mended, which is going to take 4-5 weeks and probably cost about £80! Eeek! The warranty hasn't run out but I caused the damage. ) =

I also broke Bob the other day. He is a small china Boxer dog who sits on our window sill, and I knocked him off when I undrew the curtains. His leg fell off. Happily, he is now mended. Here he is, so you can see he's ok:

Number3

2006-05-31T23:08:00.000+01:00

I've put a hit counter on my blog, because yesterday Mr C and I were discussing it, and how many people look at it. I think very few, so I am going to see (presuming the counter works ok). It would be nice to have more readers, but then I would have to worry more about what I write!

New acronyms!

2006-05-30T22:34:00.000+01:00

Mr C has just coined two new acronyms:

IBS - "Infuriating Book Syndrome"
ABS - "Annoying Book Syndrome"

He used the former to describe the effect The Subtle Knife, by Philip Pullman, had on him. I do not share his experience.

Back to work

2006-05-30T22:18:00.000+01:00

It wasn't too bad, going back to work after the weekend. I actually like the routine of workdays, and feel a bit at a loss on odd days off, such as Bank Holidays. I have started cataloguing my book collection on LibraryThing (see sidebar). It is fun, but maybe only for those who have a librarian-like mind.

Had another email from my mentor, so that was good.

The swing gate on the desk has been replaced. It had fallen off, after D walked through it. Ironically, it had previously survived him vaulting over it and attempting to squeeze under it, but gave up the ghost when he just strolled through normally. The cause of fall was given as 'not screwed in properly'. Apparantly the workmen had said they would be back to screw it on with electric screwdrivers, but this never happened. Whether they have done this now remains to be seen.

I wonder how long it will take me to catalogue all my books...

Meetings and a mentor

2006-05-29T17:15:00.000+01:00

Today I got an email from a lady saying she would be my mentor for my chartership, so there's some good news. Hopefully things can now get going a bit more.

Last week was fairly busy - a couple of meetings and a few interesting incidents. We had the meeting for the evening and weekend team people. This went quite well, considering that they had somewhat of a right to be grumpy. I just came out and said that I abdicated responsibility for the mess-up with the rota (which had led to them having to make up their hours) because I wasn't even in employment at the time the decisions were made. Anyway, everything seems to be sorted out now, although there are still discussions to be had about changes to opening and working hours next academic year.

The university has gone through the HERA (Higher Education Role Analysis) process, and people's pay has been re-evaluated. It's supposed to make the pay scales clearer so that we will all be on grades and not spinal points. To be honest, I'm not all that sure how it works, as I hadn't joined the university when it was started. The new scales come into play on 1st August.

The university are also making changes to the way the working week is structured for support staff. We are going to be working '5 out of 7' days, which means that we can be asked to work any 5 out of 7 days, including Saturday and Sunday. Apparantly academic staff are already doing this. We're going to have meetings (yet more meetings) about this over the next few weeks, where we can ask questions of the people who made the decisions. I would like to know what happens if you say you can't work on a Saturday (or Sunday, or any other day I suppose) for religious reasons. I would have thought this would be contrary to legislation about religious discrimination. Maybe I should look it up.

We also had a meeting about the changes within Library Services since ISS has come into existence and about changes that are going to take place in the near future. We didn't really find out much information, except that the remaining library people in our office will have to move rooms before the beginning of August.

Our neighbours seem to have suddenly increased the volume of their TV over the last week. I have no idea why this should be, but I hope they turn it down again soon. Maybe I will have to write them a note. Aggh.

GUCH

2006-05-21T20:01:00.000+01:00

GUCH is the "Grown Up Congenital Hearts" Patients Association. I am a GUCH. I'm not keen on the term GUCH though, I think they could have thought of a better name. Anyway, in the latest GUCH News magazine they were asking for people to write stories [presumeably non-fiction] about their experiences as a GUCH. They're hoping to publish them in a book. I'd like to write something, but I'm not sure exactly what to write about. I don't want it to turn into my life story. I should think of a specific time or incident to focus on, but I can't think of what would make a good 'story' or be interesting for other people to read. At the moment I have several things I am thinking of writing about:

School
Having an MRI scan
University
Having a CT scan
Having children (or not)

None of them sound particularly interesting do they? Oh well, I will keep thinking.

An alternative view of 24

2006-05-21T14:03:00.000+01:00

This article was in The Guardian in January this year:

The depraved heroes of 24 are the Himmlers of Hollywood

"The message of the TV series, that torturers can retain their human dignity if the cause is right, is a profound lie "

I thought it was very interesting, and it made me think about what I'm watching, and what message it is giving out to people. Having said that, I'm still watching season 3.

Meetings and [no] mentor

2006-05-20T21:50:00.000+01:00

Someone has commented on my post "This week at work". I am a bit worried it might be someone at work - hope I haven't written anything bad about my lovely work colleagues and library on here! If I have I am very sorry! Eeek.

We're having some more meetings this week. One about the evening and weekend rota for next year (which I have mentioned before), and one about the integration and what's going to happen in the library. Maybe after that confusion won't be reigning quite so powerfully?! We will see.

My latest would-be mentor turned me down, so I am still on a mentor hunt. I've written to another possible person, but no reply as yet.

Webbing

2006-05-19T20:45:00.000+01:00

Yesterday was full of annoying people, disputing fines, loans etc. Also a meeting about library documentation and webpages. I went on a course about authoring university web pages on Tuesday, which was interesting and useful. Learning how to use FrontPage. I think I might buy it to put on my own computer, but it will depend on how much it is. We're re-designing the library web pages at the moment, because the uni web pages are now created to a new template, and our pages aren't in the new template yet. Apparently we have 363 pages of stuff on our current site, so some (lots) of this needs to go! Lots of it is duplicae information, so we can get rid of it. I'm looking forward to getting the new site up and running - it will look a lot better and hopefully be much easier to use. This week we just looked at the main headings for the homepages - the side menu headings and the short cut links. We're hoping to have images for the short cut links. It was actually quite difficult to decide what to have as the main menu headings, and as the quick links. Some things were obvious, but it was hard not want to put everything as either a quick link or a menu heading!

It's quite a slow process, and we don't really have very long to do it, given the amount of work there is to do. The site has to be up and running by September, when the new academic year begins. I have the second and last session of the course this coming week. I think I'm the only person in the group that has edited a page in the new template (even if the page was only a trainng page), so I had better pay attention! I think some others in the group have done more web editing in general though, so hopefully between us we should be ok.

No plans yet for this weekend, apart from the usual housework excitement. Currently watching Season 3 of 24.

Brick Lane

2006-05-17T22:35:00.000+01:00

I have now finished Brick Lane. Well, I say finished, but I actually skipped through most of the last third. I am sorry to say I just got bored. I got bored before the last third, but ploughed on, hoping something would happen. But alas, nothing did. OK, things did happen (obviously) but just not enough to hold my interest.

Maybe I missed something. I sympathised with Nazneen, her family and especially her sister back in Dhaka, but there was not enough 'meat' in the story to hold my interest. It was a bit of a shame, as the themes were interesting. I suppose the story reflected Nazneen's life for the first years of her life in England - the boredom and repetitive routine, but it didn't make for a story I really cared about very much.

Even in the later parts of the book, after she meets Karim, I didn't really care about what happened to them. I found it quite unbelievable that their affair would have begun in the first place, and when it did happen it was just there, seemingly without any warning. Maybe that is how it was supposed to come across. Maybe that's how these things happen sometimes, or, again, maybe I just missed something. The ending was at least [moderately] happy, but also slightly cheesy and formulaic, especially when Nazneen starts dancing around the flat.

The writing style was ok, but not what I expected from a book that had such rave reviews when it was first published. It seemed like Ali was trying to copy the style from other books she had read, but it didn't really work for me.

One thing I will say, the book did a good job of highlighting the horrible conditions endured by immigrants coming into the UK, and the dangers and hardships of being a Muslim woman (both in the UK and in Bangladesh).

I'm sorry I didn't like this book. I wanted to. Maybe Monica Ali's next offering will be better...or maybe I'll just 'get' it next time? I don't know why I'm criticising anyway, I can't do any better!

This week at work...

2006-05-14T21:54:00.000+01:00

I was working Friday night and Saturday morning this week, which wasn't good. We sent the letters about changes in hours and the end of term out to the part-time staff this week. The whole situation with people's hours is so complicated that I get confused when I try explaining it to people. We have a meeting about it all next week, which I am not looking forward to at all.

Otherwise, things are ok. People got their letters confirming their positions. Got to know the desk staff a bit better, due to the fact that I was on the desk a lot at the end of last week. They are all nice, which is a good job really! I think things will be a lot easier when we (the helpdesk and the library desks) are properly integrated and open at the same times, all staff dealing with all enquiries (library and computing) etc. At the moment it is quite confusing, for us and the students. We should be integrated on 1st August, but until then...confusion reigns!

24 Season 2

2006-05-14T21:16:00.000+01:00

We are now watching 24, season 2. Yep, I have got Mr C into it too. In fact, he has been watching more closely than me, as I've been meandering around the Internet at the same time. Always multi-tasking - must be cos I'm a girl.

Anyway, I've been reading some interesting stuff about the B'nai Noach (sons of Noah), people who keep the seven laws of Noah, the Noachide/Noahide laws. The Noachide laws are seven laws passed on to all people. They're called the Noachide laws, as according to the Hebrew scriptures, all people are descended from Noah. According to the Talmud the Torah (law) is a truth for all humanity, both Jewish and non-Jewish. These seven laws are seen as "the pillars of human civilization" (Aish.com). According to the Rabbis, any person who observes the Noachide laws because of love for God and desire to live a holy life can acheive a place in heaven. The Noachide laws are:

1. Not to worship idols.
2. Not to blaspheme.
3. Not to murder.
4. Not to steal.
5. Not to be involved in illicit sexual behavior (adultery, incest, homosexuality, etc.).
6. Not to eat the limb of a living creature [not to be cruel to animals].
7. To establish courts of justice to enforce these laws. (see AskMoses.com)

Non-Jews are also free to keep any of the 613 mitzvot (commandments), apart from the following:

Keeping Shabbat (the Sabbath)
Keeping other Jewish holidays
Studying parts of the Torah that don't apply to the Noachide laws (however, one Rabbi has said that most of the Torah does apply to the Noachide laws)
Writing a Torah scroll
Wearing tefillin
Putting a mezuzah on the doorpost
Other laws that are a sign between God and the Jewish people specifically, e.g. wearing tzitzit

(Please click on the links for more information about Jewish terms)

JFK

2006-05-07T20:08:00.000+01:00

I'm watching JFK at the moment. I've never seen the whole of this film (at least not that I can remember) because something always stops me from seeing the ending. The same goes for The Pelican Brief. I have no idea why this is the case. Poor Kennedy is about to be shot (it's quite near the beginning).

Yesterday we went to Wagamama's for lunch. I had chicken curry, Mr C had ginger chicken with noodles. That wasn't what the dishes were called, but I can't remember the proper names.

I've done quite a bit of shopping this week. Probably not a good idea, but at least I now have some things other than work clothes, jeans and t shirts to wear. I even bought a skirt and a dress. People moan about Marks and Spencers, but I do sometimes find some good stuff there, that I can't find anywhere else. Anyway, Mr C and my friends will be pleased as they are often complaining about my lack of feminine clothing. I also went to H&M earlier in the week. I never usually find anything I like there, but I did this time. Good for my wardrobe, not so good for my bank balance.

It's been really warm during the day today, but now it's getting quite cold. Must go and concentrate on JFK, otherwise I won't have a clue what's going on.

Another Sunday

2006-05-07T18:48:00.000+01:00

Which means, alas, that it is nearly Monday. But that's ok. I don't hate my work. Of course, things annoy me, but it could be a lot worse.

Last week was quite exciting, because the new desk was finally finished and up and running. At present we are at the "co-location" stage, as opposed to full integration, so library and computing people are working side by side on the desk, but not together as such. Does that make sense? That's what we wondered. It's working, but we felt a bit sorry for the computing people, who weren't introduced to anyone and had no idea who we are, who does what and how our rotas work. They only have slightly more idea now, thanks to library staff introducing themselves when they had the chance, and an 'impromptu' chocolate sharing session in our office. I expect the communication side of things will get better. Hopefully the computing people will get some sort of induction soon.

Meanwhile, still no news on what is going to happen to RS - how jobs are going to be divided up etc - or how they are going to work the staffing situation. It would be nice for those that applied to new jobs to actually know officially whether they have been accepted or not. We always seem to be waiting for information. Communication is not the institution's strong point. Or rather, it's not the strong point of the people in it, I expect the institution is crying out to communicate...but what could it be saying?!

I am getting a bit fed up of people thinking that I know all the answers to problems that have nothing to do with me, and the people in question should be asking management staff, whose job it is to sort these particular things out! Maybe I am just the nearest 'management' person, even though I am not a manager at all! In theory, I just "oversee" the office. This is according to my job description, which is not realistic anymore, however. Maybe I have missed something?

Mr C has disappeared into the attic. Hopefully he will be back in time for tea. I don't know what I'm going to make...

Must get back to Hebrew soon. I have probably forgotten everything I learnt before. Aggh.

Bank Holiday weekend

2006-05-01T12:40:00.000+01:00

I've spent my weekend in the following ways:

Watching series 1 of 24 (currently on 9.00am)
Being at work (Saturday morning)
Going to church (Sunday morning)
Having people for lunch (not literally, Sunday afternoon)
Having friend from uni plus husband to stay (Sunday afternoon and night, Monday morning)

Previously on 24

Mother-in-law came to stay again last week. She's been travelling around the UK. Her main reason for coming over was to see her dad on his 80th birthday, as a surprise. This was accomplished, and she then went to see all of her children, who are scattered all over the UK. A's younger brother is in Glasgow, his sister is in Nottingham, and we're in Kent, so we couldn't have tried much harder to live further away from each other!

A has gone to Wiltshire to do a 26 mile walk, which he actually did yesterday. He's coming back later today. It was quite nice to have some visitors, as otherwise I would have been on my own the whole weekend...apart from the company of Jack Bauer, family and associates. I don't know whether I'll finish the series before tomorrow. I borrowed the DVD from the library (work) and I've already renewed it a few times - this is the first time I've got round to watching it at all!

I'm still trying to get a mentor for Chartership. At the moment I'm re-writing my CV so that I can send it to my mentor with the mentee registration form. I thought it might help the potential mentor get more of an idea about my background etc. I'll try and send the email tomorrow.

Another nupital event

2006-04-25T22:00:00.000+01:00

On Saturday we went to the wedding of yet another of my Uni friends. This time the wedding was held in Bangor, Gwynedd (as opposed to N Ireland). It was a really lovely service. Saw lots of old friends, which is always good. I hadn't seen some of them for about 5 years! No one has really changed very much, which is not really a surprise! Everyone seems to be doing ok. The good thing is that we can pick up where we left off, even though we haven't seen one another for a while. I was reminded how much I love certain people and why this is so.

We had a twmpath/ceilidh/barn dance in the evening, which was fun. I was a bit reluctant to dance, especially as I had on shoes that were too big for me and thought they might fall off. However, the shoes stayed on and I was glad I danced.

It was good to see the old place again - memories on every corner though - good mainly, a few poignant ones as well. It felt like going home really - I was quite sad on Sunday when we left.

The town centre of Bangor is not particularly pretty, apart from the cathedral area, but the surrounding area more than makes up for it. Some beautiful countryside, mountain (it's really near Snowdonia) and sea views. Will try to post some pictures at some point. Meanwhile, you can link to the University website here.

Fruhe Ostern

2006-04-15T22:52:00.000+01:00

I still have to try not to think about Van Tassel, otherwise I start feeling angry...

In other news, we are my parents' house for the Easter weekend. We came up yesterday, and went to see my aunt, uncle cousins and small second cousin to show them the wedding photos. We had a good catching up session. Hadn't spoken to my older cousin for ages, so it was goo to have a proper chat- as much as we could do with a four-year-old wanting us to play with her at the same time! I had to protect the ducks' food by knocking over the horse with a marble. Very important work.

Mr C's mum is over in the UK at the moment, so she stayed with us on Thursday night, and is now staying in Nottingham with A's sister. We went over there today and ate food and played 'Articulate', which was fun. Also played Chinese snap, which I hadn't played (or heard of) before - it's 'like normal snap with more rules'. You have to have really quick reflexes.

We're clearing out my room at the moment (not right at this moment obviously) to prepare to take the remainder of my stuff down to our house on Monday. We're leaving quite a lot behind to be sorted/kept/given away/thrown out by mum, but there is still lots of stuff (especially books) to be fitted into our small house. I think a lot of it will go in the attic. We're acquiring a new bookcase into the bargain, which is just as well as our current one is overflowing already. This evening we started sorting through all my old letters. It was interesting, but quite sad in a way. Lots of people I don't really keep in touch with any more. I should make more effort. The letters are currently kept in a cardboard sheep, which I would like to keep, but not sure where. I am optimistically thinking he could go in the spare room, but not sure how realistic that is. We're going to move the desk from the bedroom into the spare room, swapping it with the chest of drawers, in an effort to make the bedroom more bedroomy and the spare room more officey. We'll have to see how it goes and how well things fit in.

What about what she wanted? If you don't want to know what happens in All He Ever Wanted, by Anita Shreve, please do not read!

2006-04-11T18:34:00.000+01:00

As avid readers of my blog will know, I'm currently reading All he ever wanted, by Anita Shreve.

...and now I've finished it.

I don't think I have ever felt so disgusted by a protagonist in a book before. Van Tassel is a man of such self-deceit, such insiduous evil, that I'm going to have to give the book away rather than have him in my house for too long. His numerous episodes of hypocrisy, deceit and manipulation degrade his moral character and increase in ruthlessness, cruelty and brutality as his tale unfolds.

His wife is caged by her circumstances. It is 1899 when they marry, and her choice is stark: either become the near-servant of her sister and brother in law, or become the wife of a man she doesn't love and never will. She agrees to the marriage because she thinks she will then at least have the 'freedom' to run her own household and bring up children. In the end, however, Van Tassel's jealousy and desire to possess her entirely meant that she is not able to partake of even the small spaces of liberty she starts to create for herself.

The prejudices and attitudes of the time (1899-1933, with the main story set between 1899-1914 (?)) are well in evidence, played out particularly through the the character of Van Tassel. He is misogynistic and racist, although his attempts at corruption through racism are countered (however, he eventually brings about the downfall of his 'enemy' by corrupting his own daughter). The hypocrisy evident in Van Tassel is all too reminiscent of the society of the time, when it was perfectly acceptable for a man to have had previous lovers or even been with prostitutes, but not for a woman to have been anywhere near a man, to name but one example.

The most disturbing feature of Van Tassel's particular evil is that he himself seems to be so full of self-deceit that he seriously believes that, most of the time, he is the wronged party. As a person, a man, of his time this is perhaps somewhat understandable. However, the way he twists perceived wounds (mainly in his own mind, caused by his own jealous and possessive nature) to defend his dispicable actions is sickening. A truly repellent man.

Fly away Etna, fly away...

A birthday party

2006-04-10T21:53:00.000+01:00

We had a surprise 60th birthday party for my aunt this weekend. Saw lots of relatives we hadn't seen for a while. My uncle and cousin had done loads of organisation, and she had no idea so many people (about 45) were coming. Somehow we all fitted into my uncle and aunt's house, and it wasn't too squishy. Got some more information about the family tree from one of dad's cousins, so I will have to jot that down before I forget it.

This is George, my uncle and aunt's cat. He enjoyed the party whilst sleeping upstairs. He particularly liked the piece of leftover turkey he ate afterwards.

Had the day off today, as we had to get back from mum and dad's, so that's been nice. Haven't really done anything exciting, just some washing, cooking and surfing (the net). It's been a nice rest though.

I've had some comments about my article for h2g2, mainly ok with some suggestions for improvement. I've implemented most of the suggestions, apart from one, because I need to find out how to do something first.

Article update

2006-04-06T21:40:00.000+01:00

I eventually finished the 'comment' article I was writing for the CILIP Gazette. I really couldn't decide what to write. I had several germs of ideas, but nothing really meaty. In the end I did manage to get together 350 or so words on the image of librarians, but I wasn't convinced it was any good, and very nearly didn't send it in. Happily, the lady who asked people to contribute disagreed and thought it was good. She said she would use it in a future issue, once the Gazette has been relaunched, which is happening in June. So, I'm glad I sent it in now!

I have also finished my article on PCD for h2g2 (see previous post). I have sent it in for Peer Review, and am nervously awaiting comments...

Who are you?

2006-04-05T13:58:00.000+01:00

How well do we actually know our work colleagues? It occured to me today that there is a kind of filter through which we see our colleagues, which they put in place and which we in turn put in place to filter their view of us.

I suppose that, to some extent, this is true of all forms of social interaction, but I think it's truer still of colleagues, because (usually) you only get to see them in one sphere of their lives. 'Work' is a very rigid environment, with lots of rules and expected behaviours and patterns of interaction. There are boundaries on what you can talk about with colleagues, and boundaries on how close you can get (socially and physically) to them (unless you develop a relationship/friendship with them outside of work, but that's a different sphere). It seems something of a shame sometimes, because I think some colleagues would make excellent friends (although they may not feel the same about me).

But anyway, the filter...

People at work, can, to some extent, choose how they present themselves, in terms both of their physical appearance and the information they choose to reveal about themselves. It's kind of like a blog or personal website really - somewhere you can potentially let people see just the 'good' aspects of yourself and handily omit the less attractive ones.

In reality, this only works to a certain extent in the work situation, because people's personalities are quite diffiult to hide, unless they have some sort of pathological disorder (?), or they have particularly insensitive or unobservant colleagues.

In some places, where there isn't much interaction between colleagues I expect you could pretty much hide your entire true personality, maybe your entire life outside of work, from your fellow workers.

At the Zoo: Simon and Garfunkel

2006-04-03T22:48:00.000+01:00

Someone told me
It’s all happening at the zoo.
I do believe it, I do believe it’s true.
It’s a light and tumble journey
From the east side to the park;
Just a fine and fancy ramble
To the zoo.
But you can take the crosstown bus
If it’s raining or it’s cold,
And the animals will love it
If you do.
Somethin’ tells me
It’s all happening at the zoo.
The monkeys stand for honesty,
Giraffes are insincere,
And the elephants are kindly but
They’re dumb.
Orangutans are skeptical
Of changes in their cages,
And the zookeeper is very fond of rum.
Zebras are reactionaries,
Antelopes are missionaries,
Pigeons plot in secrecy,
And hamsters turn on frequently.
What a gas! you gotta come and see
At the zoo.

PCD

2006-04-02T22:00:00.000+01:00

I'm writing an entry for h2g2 about Primary Ciliary Dyskinesia. It will appear on the blog when I've finished. I still haven't started the CILIP Gazette article. The vicar wants me to write an article about the new library at church for the church magazine. So, articles all round! (If I ever get round to writing any of them!)

Film 2006

2006-03-30T22:20:00.000+01:00

Today we had the discussion about me not having watched various classic films, which is now a standard office conversation. I don't know how I did it, but I managed to grow up without watching ET, any of the original Star Wars trilogy all the way through, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, any of the Jaws films, etc. Maybe I just missed all the Spielberg ones! No, that's not true because I have seen all three Indiana Jones films, Schindler's List and...hmm that's about it. (Not for all the films I've seen, just for the Spielberg ones.)

Anyway, S says I have to go and watch them round her house one day. This discussion stemmed from one I started about which film was people's least favourite, and then which was people's favourite. S's least favourite was Journey to Shiloh, an early Harrison Ford movie about the American Civil War, which also starred James Caan apparently. E went for Pearl Harbor [sic], which is probably on a lot of people's list of least favourite/worst films. Needless to say, I haven't seen either!

Today I spent some time (not work time of course) looking at the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy pages on the BBC website. This particular site, known as h2g2, is a guide created by members of the public. You can log in as a 'researcher' and write your own guide entry. There are loads of entries about anything and everything. I'm planning to write some on various obscure/not so obscure medical conditions, but a lot of the entries are much more light-hearted. For example, there is one about "The Mystery of the Sweet Potato".

Hmm it is late, time for bed.

Small things

2006-03-28T20:34:00.000+01:00

Hmm guess the font was no different!

I was saying in the staff room yesterday that you can tell a lot about people by small things they do, or don't do. For example, people who don't return their cups and saucers to the canteen or, similarly, don't return their books to the shelves say a lot about themselves. To me, such behaviour indicates several character traits:

1. Laziness
2. Lack of consideration for others
3. Selfishness
4. Lack of thought

Of course, people who 'dump and run' on an occasional basis might just be busy or desperate for the loo or something.

I am trying to write an article for the CILIP Gazette. It has to be done by 5th April. I am just not sure what to write about. The piece is supposed to be my opinion on any issue affecting libraries/information professionals - either in terms of the wider profession or more specific to my sphere. I can find plenty to say when I'm chatting to people or whatever, but when it comes to actually writing a piece 'to order' I seem to be stumped. Will have to do some brainstorming. That's how I usually write essays etc, just put everything in my head down on paper and then try to get some sort of structure to it. I think once I've actually decided what to write about it'll be better, but at the moment I am feeling particularly vague.

I'm also looking for mentor to guide me through my chartership, but I'm rapidly running out of time until the deadline for the amount of time allowed between registering for chartership and finding a mentor is upon me. Maybe I should go and email a potential mentor.

Just realised I have forgotten to post a wedding invitation reply. Must do that tomorrow.

Little Miss Fickle

2006-03-27T21:44:00.000+01:00

Testing a new font...

ER's on. I like it. I've always liked it. I started watching it when I was at uni, and have watched it on and off since. 9 minutes til the end of this week's episode. Pratt has just told Neela he wants to go back to Iraq. She's not happy. Poor Neela.

I've tried a new template again. I am so fickle when it comes to these things...or maybe just indecisive. Someone once bought me a Little Miss Fickle book, from the Mr Men and Little Miss series. Should I have been insulted? I think I'm indecisive rather than fickle, but that's not very good either.

ER is back on. Neela and Pratt are having a conversation about him wanting to go back to Iraq. It's very sad. Now it's finished.

I'm on early tomorrow. Someone was covering for me, but she's striking. It's a Unison (public services union) strike to do with the government wanting to remove the 85 year rule. For more information see this Guardian article from today's edition.

Greatness

2006-03-26T00:01:00.000Z

I think I may have used the word great a bit too often in that last post. I need to get a thesaurus.

Eyes

2006-03-25T23:36:00.000Z

shutting...

Soooo sleepy. Must be the wine. Went out last night to see one of the library assistants in 'Me and My Girl', which was great. Very professional, D was great as the Honourable Gerald Bolingbroke. Very funny and great singing. It's the last night tonight. I guess by now they've finished. Went with some other people from work.

Have now successfully (I hope) installed Office 2003 on my computer, but still no FrontPage. Thought the version I had bought had it on, but obviously not. Still good discounted rate for CILIP members. Have also downloaded some more music from my own collection. The latest offering is Jack Johnson: In Between Dreams, bought today. I know, my music taste is soooo MOR, but I can't help it. Guess I am just a MOR kind of person.

Stayed over in the city last night, because of going to the show. Before that realised I had made an error with the rota - the lady who was down to come in was actually also going to the show, so obviously wasn't going to be coming in. So, I ended up staying at work then going to the theatre without going for the meal with the others. Luckily I had not eaten all my sandwiches at lunch time, plus we had had doughnuts, so could have been worse. Anyway, it was my own fault for not checking the rota.

H and husband came round today, which was really nice. They made us a photo album, with the photos printed in, for our wedding present. V nice. Went for Chinese lunch somewhere we hadn't been before, which was very good. Lots of food (3 courses) for under £6.00 each. Yum.

Guy on the train today was enthusing about his job to his new girlfriend and, guess what? He was a librarian!

Bee

2006-03-23T23:06:00.000Z

Things have been really busy here recently....just general business - lots to do but nothing really exciting. Just things like cleaning, doing the garden, writing thank you letters, going to work etc. I have done quite a few late nights recently, as I had to swap some when I went away. Work has been quite stressful this week, as we have been short staffed and very busy at the same time - never a good combiation. Oh dear, my compy is crying for its battery...Fear not, it is ok now. Anyway, yes short staffed we were, due to illness and also people being in amateur operatics productions! I'm going to see one of them tomorrow night. As well as these, shelvers have been off and the shelving had got out of hand and was looking rather horrendous. However, everyone has mucked in to shelve and things are now looking better. Had to negotiate with D for people from his team to help on desk. He said no but said he would ask them to shelve, which did help. Politics. Hmm. Things are also a bit stressful because of uncertainty (still) about The Integration, aka ISS. Still no job descriptions and apparantly They want people to make a decision by Easter.

Enough about work, but what else is there to write about? What did I do at the weekend? Cleaned house, bought CD rack, which A put together. Put CDs into CD rack. Ohh I know, we watched all three episodes of the original Star Wars, which I had never seen in their entirity before, much to the horror of my husband and colleagues. Amusing thing of the week last week: E at work doing his impersonation of Admiral Ackbar: "It's a trap!" Hmm, ok this doesn't work so well in print. Enjoyed SW, especially the aforementioned AA, who of course I looked forward to throughout the whole series, and Yoda and the 'man' himself Darth Vadar. Poor DV.

Why do I abbreviate so much? Because I am lazy.

So now I have officially joined the cultured ones I can talk about SW with my colleagues instead of thinking about what to say to Ms Bloggs who doesn't want to pay her fines why should she she should of [sic] been sent a notice she relies on them why should she take responsibility for her own books/degree/life when there are librarians to do it for her? Oops did I mention work again? I am obsessed, I apologise. In fact, I am so obsessed that I checked my work email from Changi airport in Singapore while on honeymoon. The shame.

Maybe I just worry too much.

H is visiting this weekend and the house is not clean. Hate house not being clean when we have visitors but not sure when I am going to clean unless I do it Saturday morning before she and T get here. However, on Sat. a.m. I also have to get back from work and get a day's parking permit, in order to avoid H getting a potential £60 parking fine. Have bought bird feeder for garden. We cut down the budleia (not sure how to spell this, sorry) the other Sunday, and now have about 1o black sacks full of branches to get rid off. N offered to take them to the tip for us, before we asked (although I would have done if he hadn't offered, such is my keenness to get rid of the bags). We tried putting the bags out for the bin men, but they didn't take them because they weren't in the requisite brown sacks. I was not amused, although we should have known better than to try to gain their sympathy with a note explaining our lack of brown sacks.

Watched The Office the other night. The best bits of that are the shots of the office and the sounds of the noises people make when they are pretending to work, even though everyone knows they're not working and are doing an equal amount of non-work themselves. Been there, done that. Genius.

Better slope off, sloth-like, to bed.

Wedding and work

2006-03-09T18:34:00.000Z

So, the wedding has now taken place! Here is a summary of events:

It was a lovely day, weatherwise and everything else. We were very blessed with the weather, as the days either side of our wedding day were quite grey and damp. Was I nervous? Well, I had a 'slight' panicky phase at about 2.30 am on the morning of the wedding, but I put on some music and got back to sleep after a while. I was fine thereafter until I walked into the church and saw everyone in the congregation, and then I felt really overwhelmed and quite emotional. I didn't cry really, but tears escaped and my nose ran (and continued to do so for most of the service, quite amusingly - I had to surreptitiously get a tissue from Helen and pass it to my dad to keep in his pocket!). I think the overriding feeling of the day for me was that I felt really loved. People came a long way for the wedding - my aunt from Australia, A's parents from Malaysia and friends and family from all over the UK.

The service went well, despite some small amusing incidents like me having to force the ring onto A's finger, A's grandad (who was doubling as the vicar) dropping his prayers and also going to the wrong way for the signing of the register! But we said our vows ok, signed in the right places and enjoyed it. We had lots of photographs taken outside the church, and a few inside. The flowers were lovely. We had dark pink (almost red) and cream roses, and thistles (blue). Helen was a great bridesmaid and looked really good in her blue dress. The flower guild ladies did a great job in the church - we had a pedestal and pew-ends. Our next-door neighbour also did some arrangements for the top table at the reception, which were really nice.

It was good to see everyone at the reception - we tried to speak to everyone by going round all the tables. The catering was excellent - we had chicken and mango salad, beef bourginoine (sp?), and vegetable canalloni and various accompanying salads. For pudding we had pavlova, banoffee pie and fruit crumble. We had cordials and elderflower champagne for drinks. Dad, Adrian (the best man) and A were all quite nervous about doing their speeches, but they were all good. A got off quite lightly in the best man's speech! We had lots of balloons in pink, gold and blue. Dave's son Luka's toy cat got tied onto some and floated about balanced with jelly beans so he didn't float up to the ceiling. Phew.

We had lots of chats with lots of people - shame we didn't have more time with each person/group. The time seemed to go by really quickly. We've had some good photos already, from A's mum and dad and Elle.

Since I went back to work on Monday it seems like a long time ago - even the honeymoon seems like it happened in another world. I guesss that's what going back to work does - back to reality! Still it hasn't been too bad going back. It was nice to see everyone again. Nothing much had happened while I was away. At least that's what I was told...but then I found out that our team has a new line manager! It turns out the people who said nothing much had happened hadn't been listening in one of the meetings they had while I was away! It's good really - we have been line-manager-less for a while, which hasn't been ideal.

And also...we had doughuts.

2006-02-09T22:15:00.000Z

Some belated New Year's Eve pictures:

Warrior, Portsmouth Harbour

Sunset on Portsmouth Harbour

February

2006-02-01T16:57:00.002Z

This month is going to be really busy, mainly due to the fact that I'm getting married in 2 weeks and 2 days time! I realise I haven't really mentioned the wedding a lot in this blog. I think this is because I have had to think about so often it has been nice not to write about it as well. However, now it is nearing I think it is a legitimate thing to write about and share with all my millions of readers.

I had my second hen thing on Friday night. Went with some of the women from work to a middle eastern/meditteranean restaurant and ate lots of food.

Mr C has his stag do this weekend. I think he's a bit concerned about what is in store for him. There are 11 of them going to London. I think they have quite packed itinerary. His brother is coming to stay on Friday, but I won't be here as I'm going to the quiz at work then staying over til Saturday, when I'm at work again.

One week or so later....

Only one week and one day to go! Still a few last things to do , i.e.:

Go for dress fitting tomorrow
Give Mum table plan and final numbers for guests
Buy more place name cards in case of mistakes
Practice make up (might not bother with this)
Buy suitcases for honeymoon
Write place cards
Make and fill favour boxes
Clean house for estate agent's visit...and more importantly almost-in-laws visit at the weekend
Make sure my brother can be my witness
Check information is ok on parish register
Get currency for honeymoon
Have hair cut
Pack for honeymoon

Hmm...not too bad - have done quite a few things this week already, so the list is not quite as scary as it looked at the weekend. I am off work tomorrow for dress fitting, then back for two days next week. After that I'm off home to get stressed. It's my birthday next week as well - not sure how I'm going to fit that in!

23:06

2006-01-20T23:04:00.000Z

Has now turned into 23:30, and here I am, still typing away. The wedding is approaching fast. I have another dress fitting tomorrow, so another epic journing awaits me. Hopefully it won't be too bad, despite the replacement bus service part of the way.

Had my driving lesson today. My instructor says I should be able to do some practice tests in a few weeks. I am finding it quite boring now - well, I am either bored or scared, neither of which it is great to be whilst driving! But I know I'm not ready for my test quite yet, so I have to keep going for a while longer.

Brrrruuummmm!