Singing

As I've said before, I love singing. I've done a lot of it over the years, in various choirs and things, but I'm not actually sure whether or not I'm any good at it.

I can pick up a tune easily enough, and I don't have much trouble learning parts and harmonies. I just don't know if the quality of my voice is any good, and I suspect it isn't. Being able to pick up harmonies and learn stuff isn't the same as being a good singer (although it helps).

I've heard myself on record before and I didn't really like what I heard, so I don't like listening to any recordings of me singing (there are a couple!). Somehow I always sound better in my head compared to the way I sound to other people. A colleague, who is a good singer, sings a lot in the office, which is a delight. I, despite my love of singing, do not normally sing in the office in case I make a horrible noise.

I think confidence is one of my main weaknesses (in general life as well as singing), as is my reduced breathing capacity. Weirdly, I can breathe perfectly well enough to play the flute, but not to sing. I suppose it's a different type of breathing. I know I don't sing very loudly, possibly due to my rubbish breathing technique, and I'm not very good at projecting my voice, unlike the aforementioned colleague, who is an excellent person to have around if you need someone to shout at the students to be quiet.

Because I love singing so much I dread that one day someone will turn round to me and say, 'you can't actually sing, you know' (or whatever) and then I'll be very sad. I suppose I live under this illusion of my own talent, so I'd rather not be disillusioned. I don't think I'm very good at many things, although I can do a lot of things passably well, but singing is one thing I've always thought I'm good at. I suppose I'm like those poor people on Pop Idol or similar who go in to the audition thinking they're the next Eva Cassidy*, and then Simon Cowell laughs in their face and says 'I don't mean to be rude but,...'

*I should just clarify, I don't think I'm that good. I just think I can hold a tune and do you a decent harmony should you require one. If I do my fake opera voice though... Kiri you should look out... ( =

I suppose if I love singing anyway I shouldn't really mind whether other people think I'm any good or not. But I do, I really badly want to be really good at something I love doing, and I want other to people to think I'm good at it, too. I guess I just have an ego that wants to be stroked, but I can't be a shy and retiring librarian all the time, can I?

The joys of Anglicanism

I had my driving lesson on Tuesday, and Mrs Driving says I should be able to put in for my test in a couple of weeks. There is a waiting list of about 6 weeks, so I still have some practice time. I am quite keen to get it over with. It's very expensive to keep having lessons, apart from anything else. The news of impending freedom from train timetables and having to walk home in the dark has spurred me into looking for a choir to join once I've passed my test. (I'm not assuming I'll pass first time, but I'm trying to be optimistic!). I've looked on the interweb for choirs in my area. There doesn't seem to be a great variety. So far I've found an operatic society (I don't dance or act and don't have enough voice projection for this kind of thing), a choral society and something called a Cantabile, the website for which did not exist.

I've been in a choral society before, and I'll probably join this if there is no other option, as long as they don't have auditions. They look very posh on their photos though, and very middle-aged and middle-class, as choral societies tend to be. The Cantabile thing sounds intriguing, but I can't seem to find any more information about it, other than its name, and I'm not sure it it still exists. I will keep looking.

I could find a church choir to join, but this would involve me either moving churches or not being able to be a regular member of the choir, and I wouldn't really want to do either of these things. I would love to be in a church choir again though. I know church choral music isn't everyone's cup of tea, and there are some odd pieces out there - but I suppose this is true of every musical genre. I miss the order and routine of Anglican church life - all the different seasons and the music that goes with them. It's a bit of a joke that we used to sing (and still do when I'm at my parents') the same pieces every year, but we sing them because they're our favourites and there's something comforting about them. We did/do try new pieces, some of which also become favourites (or sometimes just the choirmaster's favourites), and it was always exciting (and often amusing) to try a new piece of music for the first time.

Some of my fondest memories are of when we used to go to Diocesan choral festivals. We used to go to Leicester (for this was my home diocese. [Apologies, by the way, if you have no idea what a diocese is. It's basically a geographical area, a bit like the equivalent of a county. All the Anglican churches within the area belong to the diocese. If you do know, apologies if you think this is patronising and please let me know if you have a better definition!] Choirs from all the churches in the diocese gathered together and learned new music (and probably some old stuff as well) and then sang at a special festival service in the evening. Sometimes new music would be premiered at the festival, which, in hindsight, was a really exciting thing, but as a child I would probably have been more likely to be thinking about lunch (actually nothing much has changed!).

The choir I was in at home have become a bit like my extended family because we've known each other for so long - about 20 years in some cases. It was lovely to have the choir singing at our wedding, it just wouldn't have been the same without them.