Taking criticism

Taking inspiration from the Singing Librarian's post on taking a compliment, I have decided to write one about taking criticism. Like him I am also not particularly adept at taking compliments, but my ineptitude in this area pales into insignificance when compared to my complete inability to take criticism well.

I have several stock reactions to criticism:

1. Blame someone or something other than myself
2. Defensiveness
3. Self-pity (usually a bit later, when the critic has gone)
4. Over-reaction (I did this wrong, therefore I must do everything wrong)
5. More over-reaction (why is it always me who gets it wrong)
6. Comparison of self to others (why are they always right/perfect etc)

It's not a particularly life-enhancing list, is it?

An additional problem is that often, the person I see as being critical and thinking badly of me probably isn't doing so at all. In reality they were probably just giving me some advice, or reminding me of something. Even if they are telling me I've done something wrong, nine times out of ten they'll be nice about it, but I can still react badly.

Like the Singing Librarian and his reaction to compliments, my reaction to critcism can worsen the situation, especially if I am defensive and snappy towards the person who I see as criticising me. Then I will feel even worse, because I've added a nice little emotion called guilt into the equation, as well as potentially being offensive/hurtful towards another person.

So, what is my problem? Most people don't like being criticised, but some deal with it better than others. Some people can think, 'oh, ok, so I did that wrong, but that's ok, now I'll try to rectify the situation and it's good that I know what I did wrong, I am happy and at peace with the world and myself' (or something like that). I have been pondering (for a few years) on why I don't like criticism and can never seem to react very positively to it. The reason is quite similar to the reason I find it difficult to take compliments, and is the root of many of my social problems - the dreaded low self esteem/insecurity/lack of confidence thing.

Or maybe I'm just grumpy.