The joys of Anglicanism

I had my driving lesson on Tuesday, and Mrs Driving says I should be able to put in for my test in a couple of weeks. There is a waiting list of about 6 weeks, so I still have some practice time. I am quite keen to get it over with. It's very expensive to keep having lessons, apart from anything else. The news of impending freedom from train timetables and having to walk home in the dark has spurred me into looking for a choir to join once I've passed my test. (I'm not assuming I'll pass first time, but I'm trying to be optimistic!). I've looked on the interweb for choirs in my area. There doesn't seem to be a great variety. So far I've found an operatic society (I don't dance or act and don't have enough voice projection for this kind of thing), a choral society and something called a Cantabile, the website for which did not exist.

I've been in a choral society before, and I'll probably join this if there is no other option, as long as they don't have auditions. They look very posh on their photos though, and very middle-aged and middle-class, as choral societies tend to be. The Cantabile thing sounds intriguing, but I can't seem to find any more information about it, other than its name, and I'm not sure it it still exists. I will keep looking.

I could find a church choir to join, but this would involve me either moving churches or not being able to be a regular member of the choir, and I wouldn't really want to do either of these things. I would love to be in a church choir again though. I know church choral music isn't everyone's cup of tea, and there are some odd pieces out there - but I suppose this is true of every musical genre. I miss the order and routine of Anglican church life - all the different seasons and the music that goes with them. It's a bit of a joke that we used to sing (and still do when I'm at my parents') the same pieces every year, but we sing them because they're our favourites and there's something comforting about them. We did/do try new pieces, some of which also become favourites (or sometimes just the choirmaster's favourites), and it was always exciting (and often amusing) to try a new piece of music for the first time.

Some of my fondest memories are of when we used to go to Diocesan choral festivals. We used to go to Leicester (for this was my home diocese. [Apologies, by the way, if you have no idea what a diocese is. It's basically a geographical area, a bit like the equivalent of a county. All the Anglican churches within the area belong to the diocese. If you do know, apologies if you think this is patronising and please let me know if you have a better definition!] Choirs from all the churches in the diocese gathered together and learned new music (and probably some old stuff as well) and then sang at a special festival service in the evening. Sometimes new music would be premiered at the festival, which, in hindsight, was a really exciting thing, but as a child I would probably have been more likely to be thinking about lunch (actually nothing much has changed!).

The choir I was in at home have become a bit like my extended family because we've known each other for so long - about 20 years in some cases. It was lovely to have the choir singing at our wedding, it just wouldn't have been the same without them.

Basket weaving under water in Malaysia

I wasn't sure whether to hyphenate basket-weaving and under-water, so if you are a hyphenate/or I apologise.

The title of the post is a direct qute from our line manager, who was talking about the sorts of mad courses academics dream up when they've eaten too much cheese before bedtime. He was making a good point about people deciding they are going to run courses without actually knowing whether anyone will want to enrole on them. The library has to buy stock for the course, which can turn out to be a huge waste of time and money if no one turns up. Even more bizarrely, some Universities start running courses at locations that don't yet exist. The poor students then have to take their classes etc somewhere else, and then move to their 'proper' location when it is available. Very odd.

In print

The latest issue of the CILIP Gazette was on my doormat when I arrived home this evening. My (quite short) article has been printed. I didn't dare read it at first, once I had seen it was in there, but I've just read it now. The whole issue has quite a few articles on the same sort of theme - the need to promote libraries in light of the current climate (i.e. closure of public libraries etc). Some of the questions I asked in my piece are answered in other articles - hopefully I don't come across as being too ignorant. I mentioned that CILIP didn't seem to be talking about the closures or responding to them in the press but then in another article someone else made a good point about the importance of not dwelling on the closures and trying to talk about more positive things to do with libraries, so maybe this was CILIP's tactic. In the lead article Tim Buckley Owen says that people trying to promote libraries have been met with people from the press saying that they only want to write about closures! I guess good news stories about libraries just don't sell newspapers - or at least people in the press assume they won't.

Andrew Cockburn, Secretary of the Library Campaign (also quoted in the lead article) does agree with what I wrote about the library profession, and CILIP in particular, not appearing to be doing a lot about the closures, and compares the work done (or not done) here, with that in the US. [Sorry, that was a bit of a long sentence!] Someone from CILIP's Publicity and Public Relations Group talks about the need for training library and information professionals in marketing skills, a point I also made. It's quite nice to have people agree with you in print, although it's also quite scary to see your own opinions published for anyone to respond to. More scary [should that be scarier?] than writing a blog somehow - probably because it's actually there in hard copy and in a professional publication...and librarians can be really frightening if they want to have a disagreement with you. Eep.

Theories on assertiveness and self-esteem

I don't know why I'm such a scaredy-cat [miaow] about some things. I suppose it's lack of assertiveness , which I am working on (i.e. trying to become more assertive, not less!). I wonder why some people are more assertive than others? I suppose it has a lot to do with upbringing and how your parents treated and responded to you, and also to do with past experience, as well as your own opinion of yourself as a person [level of self esteem], which is again influenced by upbringing etc. Parents can have a lot to answer for. I think assertiveness and/or self-esteem (for they are closely linked, I believe) can also be inherited from parents, or just absorbed by osmosis - the attitudes your parents/guardians have rub off on you.

If your parents don't think you have valid opinions, or don't let you express them at all, you're probably going to grow up to believe that what you think doesn't matter and might not have strong opinions about things at all until a much later age than other people (if at all). If you're always told what to do as a child and not given a choice, you're probably not going to be great at making decisions when you're an adult. Lots of negative criticism doesn't help either, leading to feelings of 'I'm not good enough, I'm never going to be good enough, I can't do anything right and I musn't do anything wrong, etc'. Equally, if your parents/guardians don't tell you when you've done well, you're either going to try and try but never feel you get it right, or just feel like you may as well not bother. Obviously, there is more to it than that, and these things are all generalisations and assumptions, but I'm not a psychologist and I'm just expressing my opinion.

I might write more about this another time.

Take me to your leader

I am supposed to be a team leader/supervisor. I say supposed to be, because most of the time I don't feel like one, or at least not an effective one. It is difficult being a supervisor when you are not a particularly assertive person. On top of this, I find it really hard to make decisions when it's not a clear cut case, and particularly when people's feelings could be hurt if I make the wrong decision. You can tell I'm not exactly ideal management material! The weird thing is, I actually enjoy being a supervisor and having a group of people to look after. It helps that my team are very well behaved 99.9% of the time. I'm not sure what I would do if they suddenly stopped working hard and started being rude!

We (two senior library assistants (SLAs) and I) were talking yesterday about having to justify our higher pay scales to the library assistants [we decided having more meetings on our own might do it - not entirely seriously], and I was then thinking well, how do I justify getting paid more than the SLAs? What do I actually do that's harder work than what they do? I suppose I (at the moment) have to do rotas, and I have to speak to and deal with bad students, which isn't very nice sometimes, and of course I am supposed to supervise the office. However, I'm pretty sure either of the SLAs could do this at least equally well. [One of the SLAs may well read this so I should add that I'm not trying to flatter people, I'm just giving my true opinion]. I think the supervisor side of my job will come out more next term, when we will be doing more stuff with fewer people, thus increasing the need for prioritising and 'control' of tasks and workloads. I'm quite looking forward to the challenge. It will be interesting - hopefully in a good way!

I feel that I need to prove myself to some extent, because I feel like I'm a bit of a 'Weak King' a lot of the time at the moment, like I'm sort of floundering along hoping it'll be ok in the end. My memory is quite bad, which doesn't help when it's Thursday night (or whichever day) and I've forgotten I need an extra person for the rota, for example. The decision making thing is a Thing as well. I wish I could be less emotional about these things. [Overuse of the word 'thing', I fear]. Some managers seem to be adept at making decisions which are pretty much bound to upset people and not minding. How do they do that? Maybe it's better for the soul not to be able to, although I don't know any managers who are really bad people. I suppose they're just more pragmatic than I am.

I've found that it's quite easy to be paranoid when you start supervising people. When I'm having a paranoid moment (usually after I've done something wrong) I think, 'what if they think I'm rubbish and a bad supervisor, they must think that because I know I am, what if they all secretly hate me, I bet they wish they hadn't given me the job, I bet X thinks they could do a better job, etc, etc'. I do, in dark moments, feel like most of my team could do my job and that it's only my library qualification that warrants me doing it.

This year (it's nearly a year since I started my current job) has definitely been a fairly steep learning curve. Sometimes it has been difficult, and library politics haven't helped. However, I'm a lot happier in my work now than I was a year ago, and I'm looking forward to what's going to happen next. For helping me through this year I'd like to thank my agent [non-existent], my lovely Reader Services team, my family and friends, the Academy [University] and of course my dear husband who has always been sympathetic when I've whinged. I'll keep my Oscar in the bathroom...or maybe the kitchen.

Keane: Under the Iron Sea

I like the artwork, I like the album, I like Keane. I know a lot of people don't like Keane, because they think they're boring and miserable. Mr C thinks this (at least the miserable part), but I like them. Here is my defence of Keane:

Although their songs deal with serious and sad things they also contain a kind of optimism, through the (in my opinion) great tunes, moving lyrics and beautiful singing. They're good to listen to if you're feeling like the world's a bad place, because they'll agree with you while at the same time reminding you that it's not completely awful if music like this exists.

You will probably (especially if you don't like Keane) think that I'm nuts, but they make my journey to work considerably better, at least.

Err

I'm not sure whether I made the point I wanted to make in my previous post. Sorry.

Schwartzwaldekirschtorte*

Sometimes, the way people write or speak really annoys me. [Yes, I know this is ironic given my propensity for inappropriate use of parentheses]. I don't mean their accents or grammar (although bad grammar does annoy me, even though I'm sure I don't use it properly myself), I mean examples such as the sentence in [] above. Why do people insist on using long or unusual words, when they could have said the same thing in a much clearer and more concise way? I know, I know, we shouldn't dumb down, and I agree, but I think sometimes people just use long words to make themselves look clever. I do.

People in certain sectors of society are particularly guilty of such crimes, in my opinion. Major culprits include writers for The Guardian newspaper, especially the ones who write about nothing much in the g2 supplement. I quite enjoy reading g2 in the staff room at break time, it just about fills the time-gap nicely, but I am often irritated by the style of writing. They may not always use long words, but, to me, it feels like they're trying to tell me how intelligent they are - 'Look, I am so clever and I have opinions and because you're not as clever as me you have to accept them'. I find the tone very condescending sometimes.

I think the root of my annoyance is probably jealousy, with a bit of insecurity thrown in. They're probably getting paid lots of money to write their own opinions, and they probably really are more intelligent than I am [did you know the majority of people working in the media went to Oxford or Cambridge?], so that's two reasons for me to envy them. Also, I suspect I feel slightly intimidated by their long words and Guardianesque writing style and worry that I don't understand.

Some students and academics are also guilty of using long words on purpose. I know one student who use the most complex word he could think of because he thought he would get better marks - I think it worked! This kind of word usage isn't so bad because the person reading the essay should be able to understand what's written, and it's not going to make them feel stupid.

A classic example of mis-use of language in speech was in a church meeting on Monday night, where the vicar spoke at length about his pet topic and used lots of acronyms and jargon and I hadn't got a clue what he was talking about! Management-speak is a classic example of mis-use of words that I'm sure many people in employment can identify with!

I like words, and I think people should make full use of the language available, but sometimes it is better to be clear than clever.

*The title of this post is Schwartzwaldekirschtorte because this is one of the longest words we learnt in German lessons at school and we always tried to fit it in to our work somewhere. I suppose 'trying to make people think you're clever by using long words and annoying writing styles' could be known as Schwartzwaldekirschtorte Syndrome. I suspect I am not immune to this syndrome.

Brackets (parentheses)

I think my use of brackets generally is probably quite annoying. I will try to get out of this habit, but it will possibly make my posts longer and I think I'm too lazy to change. Sorry.

Oxenford

We went to Oxford yesterday, to meet some friends from those old happy days in the City of Libraries. I think this may be one of the best places to be a librarian anywhere - apart from the rubbish pay of course. We had a great time when we lived there - it is where I met Mr C, so lots of happy memories. It was a bit of a flying visit - quite a lot of travelling in one day. I went from Victoria on the Oxford Tube, which is a bus (confusing for tourists I've always thought). I've travelled the other way before, but not from London to Oxford. Anyway, it was quite an ok journey - not too long, despite delays due to roadworks. I'd forgotten Mr C had a driving lesson when we arranged the meet-up, so he wasn't able to get there until later (about 3pm).

Met up with Friend A and we ate lunch, which is always our priority whenver we meet. Went to Harvey's sandwich place and had nice sandwiches but very bad service. I don't know what it is about me, but servers, whether it is people at counters or waiters in restaurants, often just don't seem to notice me. People got served in front of me who hadn't been there as long as I had. Why is this? Maybe it is my unassertive nature or maybe they just don't like the look of me! It's like I'm not there! Maybe I become invisible the minute I want to order something. I was wearing a white top, so perhaps they thought I was a ghost and were trying to pretend they hadn't seen me because they were afraid.

Anyway, we eventually had lunch. Actually most of the day was taken up with eating and drinking (non-alcoholic), as it often is when we go to Oxford. All those beautiful buildings and all we want to do is eat ice cream and fish pie (not at the same time). We had a wander round the shops and then went for ice cream at G&D's. No turkish delight flavour yesterday, alas, but I had a lovely coffee one. They now weigh the servings of ice cream, which is a bit odd. Perhaps they had complaints about discrepancies in portion size. They used to have moo-ing competitions in there on a Tuesday night. I have lost my moo recently for some reason, but when I lived there I was quite tempted to enter. [Don't even think about making any offensive comments about my similarity to our bovine friends!]

After this, Friend A wanted to go to the pub to watch the football. I told her I thought this was a bad idea, but because I have no free will (not in a theological sense, only in a low-assertiveness sense) I went along with her plan. We were there for about half an hour before the noise became intolerable and we went out into the garden and she admitted I had been right. Hooray! Much nicer. Mr C turned up, and then Friend B. It was good to see Friends A and B again, as it had been a while. We tried to work out what was going on with the football by the sound and type of cheering (and other noise) we could hear. Due to lots of people being in the pub, food was off, so we went to the fish place next door for tea. Fish pie! We always have fish pie when we go there, mainly because it's the cheapest thing on the menu!

After that, it was time to go home. Back on the bus, which was faster on the way home and we got back earlier than we thought we would, which was good. There were a couple of interesting people on the bus. They are both involved in Egyptian archaeology, and have led really interesting lives, which they were discussing, and I was eavesdropping on their conversation. They were quite old and very Nice Oxford English, which I like (as opposed to Snobby Oxford English, which I dislike, being well brought up by a Liberal Democrat and a conservative (?) [note small c] would-be communist. (Don't ask!)). Sorry about my bizarre use of brackets in this paragraph!

The story of my heart

Is that a song title? It might be. Anyway, I still haven't even started writing my GUCH story, and only 33 (? maths isn't my strong point)days until the deadline. Actually, that is quite a while, maybe that's why I haven't started yet - not enough pressure. I am a bit appalled, though, that I can't think of anything to write about what has been a major part of and had a major effect on my life. It might be more a case of just not knowing what to pick out (see previous post on this subject). See I am procrastinating instead of getting on with it. Maybe if I wait until 29th July to start I will be more successful?

Or maybe the truth is that I don't actually know what to say because I don't know enough about it. I have always felt under informed, if that's the word, about my own medical history. I think this is because I was quite a small child when all the major things were happening, and I don't actually remember anything much about those early years. I think I might have subconsciously blocked out memories, because I seem to be able to remember a lot less about my childhood than other people can - or maybe I just know people with good memories! The things I vaguely remember (or think I do) are:

1. Being baptised in hospital, although it is apparently impossible for me to remember this as I was only a few days old at the time.'
2. Eating ice cream with a friend on the ward aged three?
3. My fourth birthday. Just after I left hospital after my operation I think. The nurses gave me a large cuddly mouse wearing a pinafore dress and mob cap, which I still have. She is called 'wobbly mole' even though she's not a mole, but she is quite wobbly.
4. Having a catheter put in and looking at my insides on a monitor.

Another reason I think my subconscious has been at work is my (sometimes quite extreme) reactions to any sort of even vaguely invasive procedure. Going to the dentist can be very embarrassing as I have a tendency to cry. I have found that humming helps, although I worry the dentist then thinks I'm insane. Having a blood test used to be the same, but I am now not so bad if I don't look at the needle. Having my ears examined at my regular check-ups (I had gromits - no not the dog) was a particularly dreaded activity. The doctor reminded me of Jerry Adams, but this wasn't why I hated going - I could not stand him poking his little sticks in my ears and I made sure he knew this! I felt sorry for the nurse, but not really for him. I cried, I whimpered, I tried to escape. This would not have been so bad if I had been aged three, but I was about 16-17 at the time. Thankfully I don't have to go there anymore.

Bizarrely, actually going to my heart check-up is the least stressful medical thing I have to do nowadays - maybe because I've done it so often. It takes a while because I have to have several tests - ECG, ultrasound and sometimes x-ray (used to be x-ray every time) and is very boring for the person who comes with me (if anyone does) as it involves a lot of waiting around. I have had to have an MRI scan which I have written about previously [summary, I panicked, got claustrophobic (not necessarily in that order!) and had to be let out. I never want to have one of those again]. I then had a CT scan, which was better even though it involved needles...ok, just one, but that was enough. You can also read about this in a previous post, if you would like to, but it's probably not very interesting! Before the MRI they attempted an endoscopy, but this was not a success as I reacted like I reacted to the Ear Man, but worse (aged 25).

Needless to say, I feel very silly when I react badly to members of the medical profession who are only trying to help me, but I just can't help the way I react. (Hence my idea that it's subconscious reaction to previous experience of medical procedures).

Usually with the check up I know what's coming, basically at least. More recently though, there has been talk of mending my leaking valve (again - the one I have now is a replacement) and I have a new consultant, as the beloved Rosemary Radley Smith has retired. She gave me some of her blood once! So, I may once again be heading into the unknown. RRS, as she is known (to me, at least), said I should have the valve repaired before I start having children (if I ever do), and although I don't know if we will, or even can, have children, I would like to have the valve sorted out - it would be one less thing to worry about. Well, I will see what the new person says in August.

I don't often talk about my heart. For one, as I said earlier, I don't really know what to say. For two (oops) I don't want people to think I'm making a fuss and implying they should feel sorry for me. Having said that, I confess there is a part of me that wants people to recognise that I have been through these things, and that I'm not being a wimp when I can't run to the train station or keep up with people going up hill, and that I'm not being completely unreasonable when I cry at the dentist's.

[Feel free to disagree!]

Change

As you will have noticed, avid readers [cough], I have changed the template. This one feels nice and summery...but what will I do in winter?! I wonder if this is related to women having to have one lot of outfits for winter and one for summer* - although I don't, so it can't be that.

*This does happen. My mum does it, and I am sure various people at work do too, judging by conversations had in the SCR.

Anyway, I hope you are not feeling too disoriented.

Template time

I'm getting to the stage where I feel like changing my template again. I go through this quite often, and have changed in once (it used to be Dots). I'm not sure why I go through these stages. Maybe I just like a change of scene now and again...Anyway, we'll see. It will depend on whether I can do the change without losing too much stuff!

I wrote my article for the Gazette. Ms Editor wanted me to add something I wasn't sure about, so we compromised. I hope it will be ok.

Broccoli

This weekend has been busy. I've been home (parents) and back, replete with parents, who have been to stay.

On Friday afternoon I (and Mr C) went home to attend two friends' Civil Partnership ceremony celebration, which was certainly a new experience! It was a great party - lots of people there so managed to catch up with a quite a few old friends, including one whom I've known since I was about eight but hadn't seen for ages. We were both in the church choir for years, but then she moved to another church, and when I left home we lost touch. It was good to catch up, although quite weird, as these things can be. Seeing my mum disco dancing was a rather odd experience as well! They had a great small big band (if that makes any sense) before the diso started. They were all friends of the happy couple, and played many of the classic big band numbers. I hadn't heard a live big band for years, and I really enjoyed it.

Yesterday we went to see grandparents, then travelled back home (our house) in dad's car. I don't know why, but I really don't like long car journeys. I enjoy driving myslelf (in my lessons), and short journeys are fine, but long ones are definitely not. I think I worry about getting lost and I am not in control of the car! I am such a control freak! EEEEEEK.

We made it back without incident and sat about for a bit, then mum and dad wanted to help with the garden - honestly, we didn't make them do it! - so we went out and weeded. The effect of this was that we are now left with about four plants and a lot of bare, dry earth! But at least the plants that are there now are 'real' ones and have room to grow now the weeds are out. The weeds were massive tall things with yellow flowers, which were quite pretty, but did block the view of everything else. We discovered we have a fusia and a campanula, and it will be nice to see them bloom. We're not allowed to plant anything in the garden, as we're renting, but we're hoping to get some pots or tubs, and stand them in the soil, so at least it won't look so bare, and will add more colour. I've been watching gardening programmes on tv, which is a bit disturbing, but I find them very relaxing. I can see why people like gardening. I think I'll like it more once I know what I'm doing. At least I now know everything now in the garden is not a weed!

Mr C cooked a lovely curry, which had broccoli in it.

This morning I woke up and felt angry. But why? I do not know. Sometimes I do. I felt grumpy and unhappy most of the day, although better when H and husband popped round for a visit. I wasn't too bad after that. I don't know why I get in these moods, there certainly wasn't any particular reason today. Maybe I slept weirdly or something. Maybe I am just odd. I feel sorry for Mr C who always gets the worst bits of me at such times.

Also in the news...I ironed, did the washing, washed up, put the washing out and made dinner (tuna pasta - my hands now smell of garlic).

Money for old rope

A guy called Paul Youngson has come up with a great idea for raising money for charity. He started with a piece of old rope, which he then traded for some lots of pairs of children's scissors (strange item!), and then he traded the scissors for an official's shirt from the Sydney Olympics. Paul hopes to go on trading items for 18 months, until he auctions his final item to raise money for GUCH - Grown Up Congenital Hearts. GUCH provides support to adults who have congenital heart defects. You can see the link to his blog in my all new Blogroll on the right, or click here.

Heavy books

Today a student came to the desk, dumped her books on the desk and said "These books are very very overweight...overdue!"

A calmer day

After the stress of yesterday today was very calm, and people were happier. We had our team meeting and discussed things, and learnt some stuff about future developments. We found out officially where S and I are going to move to when we move offices, so that was good.

Yesterday, in between everything else, I had my second session of recruitment and selection training. Like the first session, it was very interesting and useful - more interesting that I expected before I started the training! You can read about it on my other blog, if you're interested.

I've written to my mentor, following my attendance at the chartership training, but no reply yet, which is a bit worrying. I will find it annoying if she is someone who takes ages to reply to emails.

In other news, I've been asked to write an article for the CILIP Gazette, and the deadline is next week, so I'd better get on with it!

Sigh

Urgh. Today has been one of those days when people have been upset over something relatively trivial, but which has ripples of repercussion that slop out and upset people. To cut a long story short, lots of people got upset because of lack of communication. Again. I hold myself [in]directly responsible for people being cross/upset, but it is too complicated to try to explain.

I went to see the Big Boss, and was upset in his office, which is very embarrassing in hindsight, but I couldn't help it at the time. He said I made the right decision in the circumstances, and that I shouldn't have been asked to do it, but I still wish I hadn't done it.

The problem (and adding to my guilt) is that I could see the potential consequences to a certain extent. I just hoped they wouldn't happen and was trying to do the right thing at the time.

People are unhappy and we are having a meeting tomorrow, so we'll see what happens then.

I don't know what the point of writing this is. It just looks like a load of cryptic nonsense.

I hate library politics.

Training

I've been on a couple of training courses in the past few days. The first thing was on Wednesday evening, when I went to the Preparing for Chartership course held at CILIP HQ in London. It was a bit of a pain that it was in the evening, after work and therefore at a tiring time of the day, but I got the train and found the venue ok. I had some trouble with escalators on the Untergrund (U-Bahn). This often happens, mainly on down escalators. I think it's to do with vertigo, which I don't have when I'm on/in tall buildings, but do on stairs without handrails (can't do them), and escalators. Weird. Anyway, fortunately, there were also some stairs (avec handrail), which isn't always the case, so I got to where I had to go.

For a full report of the chartership training please see my notebook. Oops sorry you can't do that, so please see my chartership blog. I started it on a different blog hosting thing because I wanted to be able to keep some bits private, in case I had to say bad things about anyone. Not really, it was more because I might want to mention people by name so that I can remember what on earth I was doing at the time, and I don't really like doing that when other people can read it. As far as I know there is no privacy function on Blogger. If you know differently please let me know! The other blog will (hopefully) act as a diary to record events, training, incidents. meetings etc relevant to the chartership process and also be somewhere where I can write my reflections on these things (which, as I learned on Wednesday, is a very important part of the process).

Regarding the course, the gist is that it was very useful and I'm glad I went.

The other training was yesterday, which was in-house training on recruitment and selection. This was also very worth while. The course leaders did well to make the subject less dry than it might have been, and it was definitely useful given the current changes happening within the library here. I will write a more detailed report about it in the chartership blog soon (I hope).

Blogger seems to be working ok again, so I will try and reload Bob tonight!

Pigeons

I can hear the wood pigeons cooing in the trees outside. The sound always reminds me of home. It also reminds me of my mum, who says she would like to catch one of the pigeons and put it in a pie. I am not sure that you would actually get much meat from a poor pigeon, and I wouldn't want to eat one anyway, but still she is determined. One day, I think she will train the cat to catch one specially for her pie-making endeavour.

Monday, Monday

Today at work was quite Mondayish.

New experiences are on the horizon. I am going to have training in recruitment and selection next week, and then I'm going to be helping recruit and select new desk staff. I am a bit scared, as it is not something I have ever done before, but it will be really good experience and interesting, I expect. Hopefully I will feel more confident once I have had the training.

The Big Boss is currently thinking about how jobs in our team are going to be redistributed once the integration has happened. He told me about his ideas so far, which sound reasonable. I'm going to a meeting about it on Wednesday with the Librarians. This is good as at least I will be able to imput into the decision making process (aghh management-squeak alert) on behalf of the team. D, if you are reading this, yes he did say we would all meet as a team to discuss the plans before anything is definitely decided!

I hope I'm never going to turn into a manager who uses management words (although I fear I probably already use them, and I'm not even a real manager). When I was doing my library course I was really against learning about management because I wanted to be a traditional librarian (whatever one of those is - probably non-existent!). However, we had to take management as a core course, and despite my protestations it actually became my favourite module, mainly because the lecturer was excellent. It also gave me my best marks, which helped me like it I suppose! I enjoyed the psychology side of it, but I still hate the language and the thing about seeing people as resources and treating them accordingly. I know people are a resource, in the sense that they are necessary to the workings of an organisation, but they're not a resource like a computer or a table. This may sound obvious to you, but I don't think it is so evident to some people in the higher echelons of some organisations. [NB this does not refer to the organisations I currently work in. I refer to my envelope opening days only].

Please don't sack me I like my job. I just learnt how to spell echelon. I am so pleased.

Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours...

I had a really dull weekend, the 'highlight' of which was going round to ask the neighbours to turn down their TV. It took three attempts before I dared to actually ring their doorbell. Attempt one: I went to the end of their drive but heard them shouting and then lost my nerve and went back home. Attempt two: I went for a pretend walk around the corner and then turned round and went home. Somebody in the street told me to cheer up as I walked past. I hate it when people do that.I went home and cried. Anyway, attempt three: first I wrote a note then I went and rang their doorbell. Mrs Next-Door answered, and I asked her if they could turn the TV down a bit, and she said that was perfectly alright, twice. Then I went back home.

I think I should write my GUCH story about how being ill as a child makes you oversensitive. But of course I don't know whether I would be oversensitive anyway. But I think it's an interesting idea, and other people might as well. Maybe?

Chartership update

Oops that last post was a bit long. I am going to go on a 'Preparing for Chartership' training course next Wednesday. It's in London, and in the evening, so I might get back quite late. I wasn't sure whether to wait and see if there is going to be one held in the daytime, but my mentor wants me to go on one before we meet, so I thought I should go as soon as possible. I did attend a course last year (maybe the year before that now!), when I was in my old job, but that was when I was applying under the old regulations. I also have to look at my Personal Professional Development Plan (more concisely known as PPDP) and update it and change things as appropriate.

It's really cold in here. Can't believe it's June! Brrr.

Wedding report

I've realised that I didn't post about the wedding we went to on Saturday. It was in North Wales, which meant a long journey on the train. It wasn't too bad on the way up, as there was only one change in London (excluding the Underground), although we did have to stand/squat in corridor from London to Crewe, which wasn't so much fun. I bought a book at Euston though, so at least I had something to do.

Anyway, Rhyl was Rhyl-like - i.e. cold, smelly with scary people fighting on the street. Sorry to anyone who is from Rhyl, maybe I just haven't seen the nice side.

The wedding was very nice though. The usual university people reunion (but slightly different people to the ones at the last wedding, although some were the same). The service was quite unusual in that they had a really short marriage bit, and then lots of lively worship songs and even a dance performance. We had photos outside after the service, by which time the sun had come out. The reception was in the town hall, which was next door to the church, so that was handy. We had nice food and several long but entertaining speeches!

The journey back was ok, apart from a little hiccup in Birmingham. We had to go to Birmingham New Street, then change and walk to Birmingham Moor Street, which isn't very far, but we managed to get lost and I got stressed and shouted at Mr C in the street. I sometimes have these moments of rage, I'm not really sure why. I just felt it was unfair that we had got lost and decided to shout about it. I wasn't really shouting at my husband, more at the world. I am probably insane.

We made it home in the end though, but I remained upset until we went back to work on Tuesday. I didn't like having the day off on Monday, because I didn't know what to do. I ended up doing ironing and stuff though, so at least I made productive use of the day I suppose.

Anyway, here is a nice picture of Jen (the bride) with Ali and Berni at the reception. You can see the blurring on the right hand side of the photo. This was caused by me dropping the camera at a previous wedding. Oops. The man in the shop said I probably damaged the lens and the casing is buckled. The poor camera has gone away to be mended, which is going to take 4-5 weeks and probably cost about £80! Eeek! The warranty hasn't run out but I caused the damage. ) =

I also broke Bob the other day. He is a small china Boxer dog who sits on our window sill, and I knocked him off when I undrew the curtains. His leg fell off. Happily, he is now mended. Here he is, so you can see he's ok:

Number3

I've put a hit counter on my blog, because yesterday Mr C and I were discussing it, and how many people look at it. I think very few, so I am going to see (presuming the counter works ok). It would be nice to have more readers, but then I would have to worry more about what I write!

New acronyms!

Mr C has just coined two new acronyms:

• IBS - "Infuriating Book Syndrome"
• ABS - "Annoying Book Syndrome"

He used the former to describe the effect The Subtle Knife, by Philip Pullman, had on him. I do not share his experience.

Back to work

It wasn't too bad, going back to work after the weekend. I actually like the routine of workdays, and feel a bit at a loss on odd days off, such as Bank Holidays. I have started cataloguing my book collection on LibraryThing (see sidebar). It is fun, but maybe only for those who have a librarian-like mind.

Had another email from my mentor, so that was good.

The swing gate on the desk has been replaced. It had fallen off, after D walked through it. Ironically, it had previously survived him vaulting over it and attempting to squeeze under it, but gave up the ghost when he just strolled through normally. The cause of fall was given as 'not screwed in properly'. Apparantly the workmen had said they would be back to screw it on with electric screwdrivers, but this never happened. Whether they have done this now remains to be seen.

I wonder how long it will take me to catalogue all my books...

Meetings and a mentor

Today I got an email from a lady saying she would be my mentor for my chartership, so there's some good news. Hopefully things can now get going a bit more.

Last week was fairly busy - a couple of meetings and a few interesting incidents. We had the meeting for the evening and weekend team people. This went quite well, considering that they had somewhat of a right to be grumpy. I just came out and said that I abdicated responsibility for the mess-up with the rota (which had led to them having to make up their hours) because I wasn't even in employment at the time the decisions were made. Anyway, everything seems to be sorted out now, although there are still discussions to be had about changes to opening and working hours next academic year.

The university has gone through the HERA (Higher Education Role Analysis) process, and people's pay has been re-evaluated. It's supposed to make the pay scales clearer so that we will all be on grades and not spinal points. To be honest, I'm not all that sure how it works, as I hadn't joined the university when it was started. The new scales come into play on 1st August.

The university are also making changes to the way the working week is structured for support staff. We are going to be working '5 out of 7' days, which means that we can be asked to work any 5 out of 7 days, including Saturday and Sunday. Apparantly academic staff are already doing this. We're going to have meetings (yet more meetings) about this over the next few weeks, where we can ask questions of the people who made the decisions. I would like to know what happens if you say you can't work on a Saturday (or Sunday, or any other day I suppose) for religious reasons. I would have thought this would be contrary to legislation about religious discrimination. Maybe I should look it up.

We also had a meeting about the changes within Library Services since ISS has come into existence and about changes that are going to take place in the near future. We didn't really find out much information, except that the remaining library people in our office will have to move rooms before the beginning of August.

Our neighbours seem to have suddenly increased the volume of their TV over the last week. I have no idea why this should be, but I hope they turn it down again soon. Maybe I will have to write them a note. Aggh.

GUCH

GUCH is the "Grown Up Congenital Hearts" Patients Association. I am a GUCH. I'm not keen on the term GUCH though, I think they could have thought of a better name. Anyway, in the latest GUCH News magazine they were asking for people to write stories [presumeably non-fiction] about their experiences as a GUCH. They're hoping to publish them in a book. I'd like to write something, but I'm not sure exactly what to write about. I don't want it to turn into my life story. I should think of a specific time or incident to focus on, but I can't think of what would make a good 'story' or be interesting for other people to read. At the moment I have several things I am thinking of writing about:

• School
• Having an MRI scan
• University
• Having a CT scan
• Having children (or not)

None of them sound particularly interesting do they? Oh well, I will keep thinking.

An alternative view of 24

This article was in The Guardian in January this year:

The depraved heroes of 24 are the Himmlers of Hollywood

"The message of the TV series, that torturers can retain their human dignity if the cause is right, is a profound lie "

I thought it was very interesting, and it made me think about what I'm watching, and what message it is giving out to people. Having said that, I'm still watching season 3.

Meetings and [no] mentor

Someone has commented on my post "This week at work". I am a bit worried it might be someone at work - hope I haven't written anything bad about my lovely work colleagues and library on here! If I have I am very sorry! Eeek.

We're having some more meetings this week. One about the evening and weekend rota for next year (which I have mentioned before), and one about the integration and what's going to happen in the library. Maybe after that confusion won't be reigning quite so powerfully?! We will see.

My latest would-be mentor turned me down, so I am still on a mentor hunt. I've written to another possible person, but no reply as yet.

Webbing

Yesterday was full of annoying people, disputing fines, loans etc. Also a meeting about library documentation and webpages. I went on a course about authoring university web pages on Tuesday, which was interesting and useful. Learning how to use FrontPage. I think I might buy it to put on my own computer, but it will depend on how much it is. We're re-designing the library web pages at the moment, because the uni web pages are now created to a new template, and our pages aren't in the new template yet. Apparently we have 363 pages of stuff on our current site, so some (lots) of this needs to go! Lots of it is duplicae information, so we can get rid of it. I'm looking forward to getting the new site up and running - it will look a lot better and hopefully be much easier to use. This week we just looked at the main headings for the homepages - the side menu headings and the short cut links. We're hoping to have images for the short cut links. It was actually quite difficult to decide what to have as the main menu headings, and as the quick links. Some things were obvious, but it was hard not want to put everything as either a quick link or a menu heading!

It's quite a slow process, and we don't really have very long to do it, given the amount of work there is to do. The site has to be up and running by September, when the new academic year begins. I have the second and last session of the course this coming week. I think I'm the only person in the group that has edited a page in the new template (even if the page was only a trainng page), so I had better pay attention! I think some others in the group have done more web editing in general though, so hopefully between us we should be ok.

No plans yet for this weekend, apart from the usual housework excitement. Currently watching Season 3 of 24.

Brick Lane

I have now finished Brick Lane. Well, I say finished, but I actually skipped through most of the last third. I am sorry to say I just got bored. I got bored before the last third, but ploughed on, hoping something would happen. But alas, nothing did. OK, things did happen (obviously) but just not enough to hold my interest.

Maybe I missed something. I sympathised with Nazneen, her family and especially her sister back in Dhaka, but there was not enough 'meat' in the story to hold my interest. It was a bit of a shame, as the themes were interesting. I suppose the story reflected Nazneen's life for the first years of her life in England - the boredom and repetitive routine, but it didn't make for a story I really cared about very much.

Even in the later parts of the book, after she meets Karim, I didn't really care about what happened to them. I found it quite unbelievable that their affair would have begun in the first place, and when it did happen it was just there, seemingly without any warning. Maybe that is how it was supposed to come across. Maybe that's how these things happen sometimes, or, again, maybe I just missed something. The ending was at least [moderately] happy, but also slightly cheesy and formulaic, especially when Nazneen starts dancing around the flat.

The writing style was ok, but not what I expected from a book that had such rave reviews when it was first published. It seemed like Ali was trying to copy the style from other books she had read, but it didn't really work for me.

One thing I will say, the book did a good job of highlighting the horrible conditions endured by immigrants coming into the UK, and the dangers and hardships of being a Muslim woman (both in the UK and in Bangladesh).

I'm sorry I didn't like this book. I wanted to. Maybe Monica Ali's next offering will be better...or maybe I'll just 'get' it next time? I don't know why I'm criticising anyway, I can't do any better!

This week at work...

I was working Friday night and Saturday morning this week, which wasn't good. We sent the letters about changes in hours and the end of term out to the part-time staff this week. The whole situation with people's hours is so complicated that I get confused when I try explaining it to people. We have a meeting about it all next week, which I am not looking forward to at all.

Otherwise, things are ok. People got their letters confirming their positions. Got to know the desk staff a bit better, due to the fact that I was on the desk a lot at the end of last week. They are all nice, which is a good job really! I think things will be a lot easier when we (the helpdesk and the library desks) are properly integrated and open at the same times, all staff dealing with all enquiries (library and computing) etc. At the moment it is quite confusing, for us and the students. We should be integrated on 1st August, but until then...confusion reigns!

24 Season 2

We are now watching 24, season 2. Yep, I have got Mr C into it too. In fact, he has been watching more closely than me, as I've been meandering around the Internet at the same time. Always multi-tasking - must be cos I'm a girl.

Anyway, I've been reading some interesting stuff about the B'nai Noach (sons of Noah), people who keep the seven laws of Noah, the Noachide/Noahide laws. The Noachide laws are seven laws passed on to all people. They're called the Noachide laws, as according to the Hebrew scriptures, all people are descended from Noah. According to the Talmud the Torah (law) is a truth for all humanity, both Jewish and non-Jewish. These seven laws are seen as "the pillars of human civilization" (Aish.com). According to the Rabbis, any person who observes the Noachide laws because of love for God and desire to live a holy life can acheive a place in heaven. The Noachide laws are:

1. Not to worship idols.
2. Not to blaspheme.
3. Not to murder.
4. Not to steal.
5. Not to be involved in illicit sexual behavior (adultery, incest, homosexuality, etc.).
6. Not to eat the limb of a living creature [not to be cruel to animals].
7. To establish courts of justice to enforce these laws. (see AskMoses.com)

Non-Jews are also free to keep any of the 613 mitzvot (commandments), apart from the following:

• Keeping Shabbat (the Sabbath)
• Keeping other Jewish holidays
• Studying parts of the Torah that don't apply to the Noachide laws (however, one Rabbi has said that most of the Torah does apply to the Noachide laws)
• Writing a Torah scroll
• Wearing tefillin
• Putting a mezuzah on the doorpost
• Other laws that are a sign between God and the Jewish people specifically, e.g. wearing tzitzit

(Please click on the links for more information about Jewish terms)

JFK

I'm watching JFK at the moment. I've never seen the whole of this film (at least not that I can remember) because something always stops me from seeing the ending. The same goes for The Pelican Brief. I have no idea why this is the case. Poor Kennedy is about to be shot (it's quite near the beginning).

Yesterday we went to Wagamama's for lunch. I had chicken curry, Mr C had ginger chicken with noodles. That wasn't what the dishes were called, but I can't remember the proper names.

I've done quite a bit of shopping this week. Probably not a good idea, but at least I now have some things other than work clothes, jeans and t shirts to wear. I even bought a skirt and a dress. People moan about Marks and Spencers, but I do sometimes find some good stuff there, that I can't find anywhere else. Anyway, Mr C and my friends will be pleased as they are often complaining about my lack of feminine clothing. I also went to H&M earlier in the week. I never usually find anything I like there, but I did this time. Good for my wardrobe, not so good for my bank balance.

It's been really warm during the day today, but now it's getting quite cold. Must go and concentrate on JFK, otherwise I won't have a clue what's going on.

Another Sunday

Which means, alas, that it is nearly Monday. But that's ok. I don't hate my work. Of course, things annoy me, but it could be a lot worse.

Last week was quite exciting, because the new desk was finally finished and up and running. At present we are at the "co-location" stage, as opposed to full integration, so library and computing people are working side by side on the desk, but not together as such. Does that make sense? That's what we wondered. It's working, but we felt a bit sorry for the computing people, who weren't introduced to anyone and had no idea who we are, who does what and how our rotas work. They only have slightly more idea now, thanks to library staff introducing themselves when they had the chance, and an 'impromptu' chocolate sharing session in our office. I expect the communication side of things will get better. Hopefully the computing people will get some sort of induction soon.

Meanwhile, still no news on what is going to happen to RS - how jobs are going to be divided up etc - or how they are going to work the staffing situation. It would be nice for those that applied to new jobs to actually know officially whether they have been accepted or not. We always seem to be waiting for information. Communication is not the institution's strong point. Or rather, it's not the strong point of the people in it, I expect the institution is crying out to communicate...but what could it be saying?!

I am getting a bit fed up of people thinking that I know all the answers to problems that have nothing to do with me, and the people in question should be asking management staff, whose job it is to sort these particular things out! Maybe I am just the nearest 'management' person, even though I am not a manager at all! In theory, I just "oversee" the office. This is according to my job description, which is not realistic anymore, however. Maybe I have missed something?

Mr C has disappeared into the attic. Hopefully he will be back in time for tea. I don't know what I'm going to make...

Must get back to Hebrew soon. I have probably forgotten everything I learnt before. Aggh.

Bank Holiday weekend

I've spent my weekend in the following ways:

• Watching series 1 of 24 (currently on 9.00am)
• Being at work (Saturday morning)
• Going to church (Sunday morning)
• Having people for lunch (not literally, Sunday afternoon)
• Having friend from uni plus husband to stay (Sunday afternoon and night, Monday morning)

Previously on 24

Mother-in-law came to stay again last week. She's been travelling around the UK. Her main reason for coming over was to see her dad on his 80th birthday, as a surprise. This was accomplished, and she then went to see all of her children, who are scattered all over the UK. A's younger brother is in Glasgow, his sister is in Nottingham, and we're in Kent, so we couldn't have tried much harder to live further away from each other!

A has gone to Wiltshire to do a 26 mile walk, which he actually did yesterday. He's coming back later today. It was quite nice to have some visitors, as otherwise I would have been on my own the whole weekend...apart from the company of Jack Bauer, family and associates. I don't know whether I'll finish the series before tomorrow. I borrowed the DVD from the library (work) and I've already renewed it a few times - this is the first time I've got round to watching it at all!

I'm still trying to get a mentor for Chartership. At the moment I'm re-writing my CV so that I can send it to my mentor with the mentee registration form. I thought it might help the potential mentor get more of an idea about my background etc. I'll try and send the email tomorrow.

Another nupital event

On Saturday we went to the wedding of yet another of my Uni friends. This time the wedding was held in Bangor, Gwynedd (as opposed to N Ireland). It was a really lovely service. Saw lots of old friends, which is always good. I hadn't seen some of them for about 5 years! No one has really changed very much, which is not really a surprise! Everyone seems to be doing ok. The good thing is that we can pick up where we left off, even though we haven't seen one another for a while. I was reminded how much I love certain people and why this is so.

We had a twmpath/ceilidh/barn dance in the evening, which was fun. I was a bit reluctant to dance, especially as I had on shoes that were too big for me and thought they might fall off. However, the shoes stayed on and I was glad I danced.

It was good to see the old place again - memories on every corner though - good mainly, a few poignant ones as well. It felt like going home really - I was quite sad on Sunday when we left.

The town centre of Bangor is not particularly pretty, apart from the cathedral area, but the surrounding area more than makes up for it. Some beautiful countryside, mountain (it's really near Snowdonia) and sea views. Will try to post some pictures at some point. Meanwhile, you can link to the University website here.

Fruhe Ostern

I still have to try not to think about Van Tassel, otherwise I start feeling angry...

In other news, we are my parents' house for the Easter weekend. We came up yesterday, and went to see my aunt, uncle cousins and small second cousin to show them the wedding photos. We had a good catching up session. Hadn't spoken to my older cousin for ages, so it was goo to have a proper chat- as much as we could do with a four-year-old wanting us to play with her at the same time! I had to protect the ducks' food by knocking over the horse with a marble. Very important work.

Mr C's mum is over in the UK at the moment, so she stayed with us on Thursday night, and is now staying in Nottingham with A's sister. We went over there today and ate food and played 'Articulate', which was fun. Also played Chinese snap, which I hadn't played (or heard of) before - it's 'like normal snap with more rules'. You have to have really quick reflexes.

We're clearing out my room at the moment (not right at this moment obviously) to prepare to take the remainder of my stuff down to our house on Monday. We're leaving quite a lot behind to be sorted/kept/given away/thrown out by mum, but there is still lots of stuff (especially books) to be fitted into our small house. I think a lot of it will go in the attic. We're acquiring a new bookcase into the bargain, which is just as well as our current one is overflowing already. This evening we started sorting through all my old letters. It was interesting, but quite sad in a way. Lots of people I don't really keep in touch with any more. I should make more effort. The letters are currently kept in a cardboard sheep, which I would like to keep, but not sure where. I am optimistically thinking he could go in the spare room, but not sure how realistic that is. We're going to move the desk from the bedroom into the spare room, swapping it with the chest of drawers, in an effort to make the bedroom more bedroomy and the spare room more officey. We'll have to see how it goes and how well things fit in.

What about what she wanted? If you don't want to know what happens in All He Ever Wanted, by Anita Shreve, please do not read!

As avid readers of my blog will know, I'm currently reading All he ever wanted, by Anita Shreve.

...and now I've finished it.

I don't think I have ever felt so disgusted by a protagonist in a book before. Van Tassel is a man of such self-deceit, such insiduous evil, that I'm going to have to give the book away rather than have him in my house for too long. His numerous episodes of hypocrisy, deceit and manipulation degrade his moral character and increase in ruthlessness, cruelty and brutality as his tale unfolds.

His wife is caged by her circumstances. It is 1899 when they marry, and her choice is stark: either become the near-servant of her sister and brother in law, or become the wife of a man she doesn't love and never will. She agrees to the marriage because she thinks she will then at least have the 'freedom' to run her own household and bring up children. In the end, however, Van Tassel's jealousy and desire to possess her entirely meant that she is not able to partake of even the small spaces of liberty she starts to create for herself.

The prejudices and attitudes of the time (1899-1933, with the main story set between 1899-1914 (?)) are well in evidence, played out particularly through the the character of Van Tassel. He is misogynistic and racist, although his attempts at corruption through racism are countered (however, he eventually brings about the downfall of his 'enemy' by corrupting his own daughter). The hypocrisy evident in Van Tassel is all too reminiscent of the society of the time, when it was perfectly acceptable for a man to have had previous lovers or even been with prostitutes, but not for a woman to have been anywhere near a man, to name but one example.

The most disturbing feature of Van Tassel's particular evil is that he himself seems to be so full of self-deceit that he seriously believes that, most of the time, he is the wronged party. As a person, a man, of his time this is perhaps somewhat understandable. However, the way he twists perceived wounds (mainly in his own mind, caused by his own jealous and possessive nature) to defend his dispicable actions is sickening. A truly repellent man.

Fly away Etna, fly away...

A birthday party

We had a surprise 60th birthday party for my aunt this weekend. Saw lots of relatives we hadn't seen for a while. My uncle and cousin had done loads of organisation, and she had no idea so many people (about 45) were coming. Somehow we all fitted into my uncle and aunt's house, and it wasn't too squishy. Got some more information about the family tree from one of dad's cousins, so I will have to jot that down before I forget it.

This is George, my uncle and aunt's cat. He enjoyed the party whilst sleeping upstairs. He particularly liked the piece of leftover turkey he ate afterwards.

Had the day off today, as we had to get back from mum and dad's, so that's been nice. Haven't really done anything exciting, just some washing, cooking and surfing (the net). It's been a nice rest though.

I've had some comments about my article for h2g2, mainly ok with some suggestions for improvement. I've implemented most of the suggestions, apart from one, because I need to find out how to do something first.

Article update

I eventually finished the 'comment' article I was writing for the CILIP Gazette. I really couldn't decide what to write. I had several germs of ideas, but nothing really meaty. In the end I did manage to get together 350 or so words on the image of librarians, but I wasn't convinced it was any good, and very nearly didn't send it in. Happily, the lady who asked people to contribute disagreed and thought it was good. She said she would use it in a future issue, once the Gazette has been relaunched, which is happening in June. So, I'm glad I sent it in now!

I have also finished my article on PCD for h2g2 (see previous post). I have sent it in for Peer Review, and am nervously awaiting comments...

Who are you?

How well do we actually know our work colleagues? It occured to me today that there is a kind of filter through which we see our colleagues, which they put in place and which we in turn put in place to filter their view of us.

I suppose that, to some extent, this is true of all forms of social interaction, but I think it's truer still of colleagues, because (usually) you only get to see them in one sphere of their lives. 'Work' is a very rigid environment, with lots of rules and expected behaviours and patterns of interaction. There are boundaries on what you can talk about with colleagues, and boundaries on how close you can get (socially and physically) to them (unless you develop a relationship/friendship with them outside of work, but that's a different sphere). It seems something of a shame sometimes, because I think some colleagues would make excellent friends (although they may not feel the same about me).

But anyway, the filter...

People at work, can, to some extent, choose how they present themselves, in terms both of their physical appearance and the information they choose to reveal about themselves. It's kind of like a blog or personal website really - somewhere you can potentially let people see just the 'good' aspects of yourself and handily omit the less attractive ones.

In reality, this only works to a certain extent in the work situation, because people's personalities are quite diffiult to hide, unless they have some sort of pathological disorder (?), or they have particularly insensitive or unobservant colleagues.

In some places, where there isn't much interaction between colleagues I expect you could pretty much hide your entire true personality, maybe your entire life outside of work, from your fellow workers.

At the Zoo: Simon and Garfunkel

Someone told me

It’s all happening at the zoo.

I do believe it, I do believe it’s true.

It’s a light and tumble journey

From the east side to the park;

Just a fine and fancy ramble

To the zoo.

But you can take the crosstown bus

If it’s raining or it’s cold,

And the animals will love it

If you do.

Somethin’ tells me

It’s all happening at the zoo.

The monkeys stand for honesty,

Giraffes are insincere,

And the elephants are kindly but

They’re dumb.

Orangutans are skeptical

Of changes in their cages,

And the zookeeper is very fond of rum.

Zebras are reactionaries,

Antelopes are missionaries,

Pigeons plot in secrecy,

And hamsters turn on frequently.

What a gas! you gotta come and see

At the zoo.

PCD

I'm writing an entry for h2g2 about Primary Ciliary Dyskinesia. It will appear on the blog when I've finished. I still haven't started the CILIP Gazette article. The vicar wants me to write an article about the new library at church for the church magazine. So, articles all round! (If I ever get round to writing any of them!)

Film 2006

Today we had the discussion about me not having watched various classic films, which is now a standard office conversation. I don't know how I did it, but I managed to grow up without watching ET, any of the original Star Wars trilogy all the way through, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, any of the Jaws films, etc. Maybe I just missed all the Spielberg ones! No, that's not true because I have seen all three Indiana Jones films, Schindler's List and...hmm that's about it. (Not for all the films I've seen, just for the Spielberg ones.)

Anyway, S says I have to go and watch them round her house one day. This discussion stemmed from one I started about which film was people's least favourite, and then which was people's favourite. S's least favourite was Journey to Shiloh, an early Harrison Ford movie about the American Civil War, which also starred James Caan apparently. E went for Pearl Harbor [sic], which is probably on a lot of people's list of least favourite/worst films. Needless to say, I haven't seen either!

Today I spent some time (not work time of course) looking at the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy pages on the BBC website. This particular site, known as h2g2, is a guide created by members of the public. You can log in as a 'researcher' and write your own guide entry. There are loads of entries about anything and everything. I'm planning to write some on various obscure/not so obscure medical conditions, but a lot of the entries are much more light-hearted. For example, there is one about "The Mystery of the Sweet Potato".

Hmm it is late, time for bed.

Small things

Hmm guess the font was no different!

I was saying in the staff room yesterday that you can tell a lot about people by small things they do, or don't do. For example, people who don't return their cups and saucers to the canteen or, similarly, don't return their books to the shelves say a lot about themselves. To me, such behaviour indicates several character traits:

1. Laziness
2. Lack of consideration for others
3. Selfishness
4. Lack of thought

Of course, people who 'dump and run' on an occasional basis might just be busy or desperate for the loo or something.

I am trying to write an article for the CILIP Gazette. It has to be done by 5th April. I am just not sure what to write about. The piece is supposed to be my opinion on any issue affecting libraries/information professionals - either in terms of the wider profession or more specific to my sphere. I can find plenty to say when I'm chatting to people or whatever, but when it comes to actually writing a piece 'to order' I seem to be stumped. Will have to do some brainstorming. That's how I usually write essays etc, just put everything in my head down on paper and then try to get some sort of structure to it. I think once I've actually decided what to write about it'll be better, but at the moment I am feeling particularly vague.

I'm also looking for mentor to guide me through my chartership, but I'm rapidly running out of time until the deadline for the amount of time allowed between registering for chartership and finding a mentor is upon me. Maybe I should go and email a potential mentor.

Just realised I have forgotten to post a wedding invitation reply. Must do that tomorrow.

Little Miss Fickle

Testing a new font...

ER's on. I like it. I've always liked it. I started watching it when I was at uni, and have watched it on and off since. 9 minutes til the end of this week's episode. Pratt has just told Neela he wants to go back to Iraq. She's not happy. Poor Neela.

I've tried a new template again. I am so fickle when it comes to these things...or maybe just indecisive. Someone once bought me a Little Miss Fickle book, from the Mr Men and Little Miss series. Should I have been insulted? I think I'm indecisive rather than fickle, but that's not very good either.

ER is back on. Neela and Pratt are having a conversation about him wanting to go back to Iraq. It's very sad. Now it's finished.

I'm on early tomorrow. Someone was covering for me, but she's striking. It's a Unison (public services union) strike to do with the government wanting to remove the 85 year rule. For more information see this Guardian article from today's edition.

Greatness

I think I may have used the word great a bit too often in that last post. I need to get a thesaurus.

Eyes

shutting...

Soooo sleepy. Must be the wine. Went out last night to see one of the library assistants in 'Me and My Girl', which was great. Very professional, D was great as the Honourable Gerald Bolingbroke. Very funny and great singing. It's the last night tonight. I guess by now they've finished. Went with some other people from work.

Have now successfully (I hope) installed Office 2003 on my computer, but still no FrontPage. Thought the version I had bought had it on, but obviously not. Still good discounted rate for CILIP members. Have also downloaded some more music from my own collection. The latest offering is Jack Johnson: In Between Dreams, bought today. I know, my music taste is soooo MOR, but I can't help it. Guess I am just a MOR kind of person.

Stayed over in the city last night, because of going to the show. Before that realised I had made an error with the rota - the lady who was down to come in was actually also going to the show, so obviously wasn't going to be coming in. So, I ended up staying at work then going to the theatre without going for the meal with the others. Luckily I had not eaten all my sandwiches at lunch time, plus we had had doughnuts, so could have been worse. Anyway, it was my own fault for not checking the rota.

H and husband came round today, which was really nice. They made us a photo album, with the photos printed in, for our wedding present. V nice. Went for Chinese lunch somewhere we hadn't been before, which was very good. Lots of food (3 courses) for under £6.00 each. Yum.

Guy on the train today was enthusing about his job to his new girlfriend and, guess what? He was a librarian!

Bee

Things have been really busy here recently....just general business - lots to do but nothing really exciting. Just things like cleaning, doing the garden, writing thank you letters, going to work etc. I have done quite a few late nights recently, as I had to swap some when I went away. Work has been quite stressful this week, as we have been short staffed and very busy at the same time - never a good combiation. Oh dear, my compy is crying for its battery...Fear not, it is ok now. Anyway, yes short staffed we were, due to illness and also people being in amateur operatics productions! I'm going to see one of them tomorrow night. As well as these, shelvers have been off and the shelving had got out of hand and was looking rather horrendous. However, everyone has mucked in to shelve and things are now looking better. Had to negotiate with D for people from his team to help on desk. He said no but said he would ask them to shelve, which did help. Politics. Hmm. Things are also a bit stressful because of uncertainty (still) about The Integration, aka ISS. Still no job descriptions and apparantly They want people to make a decision by Easter.

Enough about work, but what else is there to write about? What did I do at the weekend? Cleaned house, bought CD rack, which A put together. Put CDs into CD rack. Ohh I know, we watched all three episodes of the original Star Wars, which I had never seen in their entirity before, much to the horror of my husband and colleagues. Amusing thing of the week last week: E at work doing his impersonation of Admiral Ackbar: "It's a trap!" Hmm, ok this doesn't work so well in print. Enjoyed SW, especially the aforementioned AA, who of course I looked forward to throughout the whole series, and Yoda and the 'man' himself Darth Vadar. Poor DV.

Why do I abbreviate so much? Because I am lazy.

So now I have officially joined the cultured ones I can talk about SW with my colleagues instead of thinking about what to say to Ms Bloggs who doesn't want to pay her fines why should she she should of [sic] been sent a notice she relies on them why should she take responsibility for her own books/degree/life when there are librarians to do it for her? Oops did I mention work again? I am obsessed, I apologise. In fact, I am so obsessed that I checked my work email from Changi airport in Singapore while on honeymoon. The shame.

Maybe I just worry too much.

H is visiting this weekend and the house is not clean. Hate house not being clean when we have visitors but not sure when I am going to clean unless I do it Saturday morning before she and T get here. However, on Sat. a.m. I also have to get back from work and get a day's parking permit, in order to avoid H getting a potential £60 parking fine. Have bought bird feeder for garden. We cut down the budleia (not sure how to spell this, sorry) the other Sunday, and now have about 1o black sacks full of branches to get rid off. N offered to take them to the tip for us, before we asked (although I would have done if he hadn't offered, such is my keenness to get rid of the bags). We tried putting the bags out for the bin men, but they didn't take them because they weren't in the requisite brown sacks. I was not amused, although we should have known better than to try to gain their sympathy with a note explaining our lack of brown sacks.

Watched The Office the other night. The best bits of that are the shots of the office and the sounds of the noises people make when they are pretending to work, even though everyone knows they're not working and are doing an equal amount of non-work themselves. Been there, done that. Genius.

Better slope off, sloth-like, to bed.

Wedding and work

So, the wedding has now taken place! Here is a summary of events:

It was a lovely day, weatherwise and everything else. We were very blessed with the weather, as the days either side of our wedding day were quite grey and damp. Was I nervous? Well, I had a 'slight' panicky phase at about 2.30 am on the morning of the wedding, but I put on some music and got back to sleep after a while. I was fine thereafter until I walked into the church and saw everyone in the congregation, and then I felt really overwhelmed and quite emotional. I didn't cry really, but tears escaped and my nose ran (and continued to do so for most of the service, quite amusingly - I had to surreptitiously get a tissue from Helen and pass it to my dad to keep in his pocket!). I think the overriding feeling of the day for me was that I felt really loved. People came a long way for the wedding - my aunt from Australia, A's parents from Malaysia and friends and family from all over the UK.

The service went well, despite some small amusing incidents like me having to force the ring onto A's finger, A's grandad (who was doubling as the vicar) dropping his prayers and also going to the wrong way for the signing of the register! But we said our vows ok, signed in the right places and enjoyed it. We had lots of photographs taken outside the church, and a few inside. The flowers were lovely. We had dark pink (almost red) and cream roses, and thistles (blue). Helen was a great bridesmaid and looked really good in her blue dress. The flower guild ladies did a great job in the church - we had a pedestal and pew-ends. Our next-door neighbour also did some arrangements for the top table at the reception, which were really nice.

It was good to see everyone at the reception - we tried to speak to everyone by going round all the tables. The catering was excellent - we had chicken and mango salad, beef bourginoine (sp?), and vegetable canalloni and various accompanying salads. For pudding we had pavlova, banoffee pie and fruit crumble. We had cordials and elderflower champagne for drinks. Dad, Adrian (the best man) and A were all quite nervous about doing their speeches, but they were all good. A got off quite lightly in the best man's speech! We had lots of balloons in pink, gold and blue. Dave's son Luka's toy cat got tied onto some and floated about balanced with jelly beans so he didn't float up to the ceiling. Phew.

We had lots of chats with lots of people - shame we didn't have more time with each person/group. The time seemed to go by really quickly. We've had some good photos already, from A's mum and dad and Elle.

Since I went back to work on Monday it seems like a long time ago - even the honeymoon seems like it happened in another world. I guesss that's what going back to work does - back to reality! Still it hasn't been too bad going back. It was nice to see everyone again. Nothing much had happened while I was away. At least that's what I was told...but then I found out that our team has a new line manager! It turns out the people who said nothing much had happened hadn't been listening in one of the meetings they had while I was away! It's good really - we have been line-manager-less for a while, which hasn't been ideal.

And also...we had doughuts.

Some belated New Year's Eve pictures:

Warrior, Portsmouth Harbour

Sunset on Portsmouth Harbour

February

This month is going to be really busy, mainly due to the fact that I'm getting married in 2 weeks and 2 days time! I realise I haven't really mentioned the wedding a lot in this blog. I think this is because I have had to think about so often it has been nice not to write about it as well. However, now it is nearing I think it is a legitimate thing to write about and share with all my millions of readers.

I had my second hen thing on Friday night. Went with some of the women from work to a middle eastern/meditteranean restaurant and ate lots of food.

Mr C has his stag do this weekend. I think he's a bit concerned about what is in store for him. There are 11 of them going to London. I think they have quite packed itinerary. His brother is coming to stay on Friday, but I won't be here as I'm going to the quiz at work then staying over til Saturday, when I'm at work again.

One week or so later....

Only one week and one day to go! Still a few last things to do , i.e.:

• Go for dress fitting tomorrow
• Give Mum table plan and final numbers for guests
• Buy more place name cards in case of mistakes
• Practice make up (might not bother with this)
• Buy suitcases for honeymoon
• Write place cards
• Make and fill favour boxes
• Clean house for estate agent's visit...and more importantly almost-in-laws visit at the weekend
• Make sure my brother can be my witness
• Check information is ok on parish register
• Get currency for honeymoon
• Have hair cut
• Pack for honeymoon

Hmm...not too bad - have done quite a few things this week already, so the list is not quite as scary as it looked at the weekend. I am off work tomorrow for dress fitting, then back for two days next week. After that I'm off home to get stressed. It's my birthday next week as well - not sure how I'm going to fit that in!

23:06

Has now turned into 23:30, and here I am, still typing away. The wedding is approaching fast. I have another dress fitting tomorrow, so another epic journing awaits me. Hopefully it won't be too bad, despite the replacement bus service part of the way.

Had my driving lesson today. My instructor says I should be able to do some practice tests in a few weeks. I am finding it quite boring now - well, I am either bored or scared, neither of which it is great to be whilst driving! But I know I'm not ready for my test quite yet, so I have to keep going for a while longer.

Brrrruuummmm!

Cluck!

Yesterday, I had my hen day. It was actually an unexpected hen day, in a way. I invited two friends to meet in the city, but wasn't planning to do anything specifically hen-like - little did I know they had been plotting, along with A.

The day didn't start off very well. Work phoned (see other blog), and that was a bit of a worry. Then I realised that we couldn't get a direct train from our house to the city, because of engineering works, so we were going to be late meeting the friend who had travelled (for four hours!) to be there. Also, the other friend and her husband were a bit late arriving. Friend A (the one 4 hours away), is not known for her patience, and does not like to be messed about, so I was a bit worried about what she would say when we arrived. However, when we eventually met up (after leaving the boys in Debenhams), she was actually not too bad, considering. I did feel really bad, because the mess up(s) were due to my disorganisation.

Anyway, we had lunch in Wagamama, which I always call Wagamama's. I'm sorry. Hmm what did I have - chicken curry (excellent) and coconut ice cream (also excellent). I love Wagamama['s]. Whilst I was happily contemplating the menu, I was informed that I would have to answer a set of questions about A, and for every one I got wrong I would have to do a forfeit. Eep! I actually did ok, but still ended up doing quite a few embarassing things in the restaurant, and in the high street! Could have been worse though. They also took me for a free makeover at the department store (my first one, and the first time I've worn make-up in public (apart from ballet shows as a child)), which I a bit scared about - but it was fun! Got a lot of good tips for doing make up for the wedding.

Other things unsuitable for blogging happened, but nothing too wild - this is me after all!

Friend A left at about 4.30pm, but Friend A husbands/fiances went back to our house for tea and played "Mr and Mrs" , which was fun. Drank wine, looked at photos and talked about marriage. It was a good evening, and a good day. Thank you friends.

Early in the morning

Aggh it's 1.02 am and I am still up! Mr C is watching Gladiator - it's near the end now. I have been messing about with the computer. Somehow, Excel has disappeared! It's really weird. The rest of Office is fine. If anyone has any ideas about what could have happened, please let me know!

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the new layout (all of my thousands of readers!), and hope you had a good Christmas or Hanukah or Yuletide or holiday as applicable.

Gingerbread Haus

Here is our gingerbread Haus which we made last weekend. Mr C's colleague had a gingerbread house making party. Lots of people in a small flat had fun making the houses. Some people also expanded into small village buildings. We also enjoyed eating Margaret's delicious pasta. Here is the other side of the house:



Apparantly making gingerbread houses is a German tradition. They're usually broken up and eating on boxing day - I think that's right. Ours is still intact, although we have been eating the occasional sweet off the top. I'm not sure how long it will last.

Tete a Tete

I finally managed to attend a Tete a Tete session at CCJ on Tuesday. I have been very remiss in not attending any before. My excuse is that I don't live in London, and they're held on a Tuesday evening, so it can be difficult to get there. This week, we had a committee meeting beforehand, so I went and combined the two. I was late leaving work because I got asked questions at the last minute, even as I was walking out of the office in my coat, and consequently missed the train I was aiming for. I was going to be late even if I had got the train, so I wasn't sure whether to go or not, but phoned Louise, and decided to go and stay for Tete a Tete.

On the way to CCJ I managed to slip over on Victoria Station (should I sue?!) and now have some great bruises, to go with the one still on my hand from the CAT scan drip. Nice. I was already cross due to (a) being late, and (b) having to queue to exchange my ticket bought on the train for a Travelcard, so (c) falling over was the final straw. Anyway, I made it in the end, for about 15 minutes of the meeting!

Glad I went though as T a T was good. We were talking about taking texts out of context. We looked at a variety of text including one by Roland Barthes, one from Isaiah, one from Mark's Gospel and a parody addressed to Jerry Falwell. Bizarre mix, but all good for the brain. It's really easy to let your brain go rusty, as it were. Although I do have to think about things in my work, it's not the same kind of thinking as the sort of thinking we were doing on Tuesday night, which was of a more philosophical nature I suppose. In a way I think I prefer that kind rather than the day to day kind, which seems more complex. I suppose this is because at work I'm dealing with real people rather than concepts or ideas, and people are unpredicatable and complicated in way that even the most complex idea isn't. Am I making sense? I do wonder.

This week at work was not so good. Mainly because of one incident, which I am doubtless overreacting to. Sometimes one bad thing just overshadows everything else and weighs me down. Basically I was told I should do something, did it, and then was criticised (by someone other than the person who told me to do it) for doing it and for how I'd done it. It wasn't major, but it just reinforced my opinion that I am bad at my job. My lovely team were sympathetic and agreed that you can't do anything without your head being bitten off by someone or other. The place is a hive of mis-communication. I am trying to address my part in the hive, and it's hard work. So, Wednesday night I was not happy, and was still not happy on Thursday morning. It's unusual for bad mood to carry over to the next day. Thursday was better though, and then it was Friday (no way!), and now it's the weekend...but I have a feeling Monday will involve more (mis/non)communication-related stress. It's not my fault I tell you! (But sometimes I feel like it is).

Happy Birthday Miffy!

This year is Miffy's 50th birthday! There is a good exhibition on at the museum in town at the moment. It's really interesting to see how Dick Bruna created (and creates) the Miffy books. She even has her own website now - click here to view.

That book again

I've finished reading The Time Traveler's Wife now. It was beautifully written and incredibly sad. Like the reviewer below, I've been crying about it even when I haven't been reading the book. I really recommend it. Go and read it if you haven't already.

Anyway, here's a review from Michael Farrelly of Bookslut, that says it all.

Haunted by a book

I'm being haunted by The Time Traveler's Wife at the moment. By that I mean I keep thinking like the characters, and lines from it keep going through my head. It's a lovely book. It's made me cry about ten times already, and I haven't got to the end yet. This can be slightly inconvenient when on the train to work! Definitely recommended. The book that is, not crying*.



*Actually, in some cases this is recommended, for reasons of catharsis und so weiter (as Henry would say).

CAT scan

Today didn't begin very well. I used Mr C's keys to open the door and left them in the lock as we went out. Not knowing this, and thinking I had taken them out, Mr C shut the door, locking us out. I had my keys with me but obviously they wouldn't work as the other keys were still in the lock on the other side. So, panic ensued, but I had to go to catch the train. Mr C waited til the estate agents opened and got a spare set of keys and got in through the back door and all was well.

Meanwhile, I got the train, which then became very delayed, and I missed my slot for my CT scan. I had to go and have a CT scan because the consultant hasn't been able to see my replacement valve very well on the echocardiograms I've been having. This is because of the position of my heart/the valve I think. At first she sent me for an MRI scan, but this was not a success - see previous entry. So, she scheduled the CT scan for today. Anyway, they fitted me in. My pulse was a bit fast (probably due to me being scared), so I had half a sedative, and then went for the Echo while it kicked in. Then I went back to the CT scanning place.

The CT scan is a lot better and less scary than an MRI scan. I probably would have been fine and not fussed at all, apart from the fact that I had to have a drip in my hand through which they injected dye to show up the arteries and vessels. I hate needles. It wasn't pretty. The consultant radiographer (who put in the drip) was great and just told me to stop whinging. I'm serious about him being great by the way! It took two attempts to get the drip in - I have very small and uncooperative veins. Anyway, the scan itself was fine, although my hand hurt and I was still scared, but I could see the radiographers in their little room, so that made me feel more reassured. They got some could pictures, which was the main thing.

After the scan, I went to see the consultant. It was my last appointment with her, as she is retiring at Christmas. She was pleased with the pictures. They show that the valve is narrowing slightly, but it's not bad enough to need treatment at the moment. I will just go for yearly appointments again now, and have it kept an eye on. She said I'm ok to go on long haul flights, which was a relief - thought I'd better check before the honeymoon!

After I'd finished at the hospital, I went back into London. I had an appointment with a student from UCL, who is doing a study about how people with long term medical conditions cope (or not), and why some people cope better than others. The study is focussing on people with Primary Ciliary Dyskinesia (PCD), which I have. It was interesting to take part in the study. Basically I just had to be interviewed about how having PCD may have affected my life, and the lives of my family. I'm not sure how representative I am, as my symptoms are not very severe now. They were more so when I was a child, so I was able to talk about how it affected my childhood. Because I have/had other medical conditions, such as the 'heart thing' it was tricky to separate out the effects of the PCD as opposed to anything else. Hopefully I was of some use.

The train on the way back was also delayed. I am very tired from everything today.